Inglesias strikes back

"Give her tits the size of watermelons!" cheered Inglesias. "Big floppy ones!"

"Well, that's one way to go," said Brock. "I can say from experience, big tits can be a pain in the ass."

"It's always something sexual, isn't it?" spat Melissa. "Big tits, big asses! That's all you morons care about! Or do you secretly miss yours, Brock?"

"You know what? You're right," said Brock. "Forget the sex stuff. I can do better."

"What?!" cried Inglesias. "She made us sexualized cartoon-characters for six months! Obviously she's the biggest pervert in the room!"

"I like sex," said Melissa. "But I'm no pervert. Well, maybe a little bit of a voyeur, but you guys did all the sex stuff on your own!"

"You bitch!" yelled Inglesias. "You screwed with our minds! Our bodies!"

The dark-haired man was on his feet now, veins pulsing on his head as he shouted. Brock got up, too, just as upset but torn between **** and justice. Between them, stuck to the couch, sat Melissa, who took her chance to reach for the phone. As worked up as he was, Brock still noticed his ex-wife's grab, but while trying to pull away their hands collided and the phone went flying...right into Inglesias.

"Whoa! See? She'd do it to us all over again if she could!" shouted Inglesias.

"Calm down, buddy!" said Brock. "Here, give me back the phone."

Brock started to comply when he noticed Melissa's wicked smirk and he drew the device back.

"You know what?" he said. "I don't think so. Since you don't have the balls for this, maybe I should handle it."

Brock tried to snatch the silver phone back -- a move that only made his dark-featured friend look darker. Inglesias turned away and quickly tapped at the phone in a childish-looking, but deadly serious game of "keep away." After a few awkward moments Brock stopped reaching for the phone, unzipped his pants, and started pumping his shaft.

"Dude!" said Brock. "What the fuck?"

"Sorry, bro," said Inglesias. "First thing I thought of. You can't fight me if you're jerking off."

"But...but...ah...I don't think I can stop!"

"No, not as it stands right now," said Inglesias. "I typed 'must always jerk off." Don't worry, I'll change it now that I've got more time. Let's see..."

Inglesias was angry at his friend, but furious with his friend's ex-wife. Six months of his life taken away because of these two! Maybe they could both use a few changes to their profiles?