"Welcome to Hell."

“Hi, new pledges. Welcome to Hell.”

“There must be some mistake,” protests Beth. There must be at least forty smug-looking sorority girls, blondes and brunettes and redheads in designer dresses and sophisticated sweater-vest ensembles, sitting around staring at her. She can spot at least three video cameras, and there’s definitely more. “I didn’t join any sorority!”

“We’ve got your names right here,” says Tiffany, a dazzling Elizabeth Banks-esque blonde dressed from head to toe in pink. “Beth, Kitty and Lily. All formally petitioned to join Epsilon Nu Phi last night. No takesies-backsies.”

“But… wait! This is a prank!”

“Well, duh,” says Meg, sitting on the couch with her arms around a gorgeous redhead and an equally lovely Chinese girl, both of them cooing with delight and nuzzling her ears. She beams at her three fuming friends, standing nude on the sorority house carpet side by side, legs parted, hands on their heads. “But it still counts if you sign your friends up as a prank, right?”

“Of course,” says Tiffany, sounding a little impatient. The morning light shines in through the window of the lounge room. Beth, Lily and Kitty were all grabbed out of their beds just after sunrise by masked sisters, stripped naked, dragged outside and carried all the way to the sorority house on Vanderkocken Street, several blocks down from Meg’s dormitory building. “So, pledges, you know the rules.”

“No we don’t!”

“That’s one demerit,” says Tiffany, as a brunette brings a riding crop down against Beth’s ass, making the buxom blonde yelp. “You better know the rules, pledges. That’s one of the rules. So, Epsilon Nu Phi’s the best sorority on campus, everyone loves us, we’re all gorgeous, yada yada. But do you girls have what it takes to get in?”

“We don’t even want in! Ow!”

“That’s two demerits. To get in, you have to survive Hell Week.”

“What’s Hell Week? Ow!”

“I can answer that,” says Meg, brightly, as Kitty scowls and resists the impulse to rub her sore backside. “Hell Week is the meanest, cruelest, most humiliating hazing ritual of all time. You have to do every single thing a sister tells you to do, no matter how degrading. If she tells you to kiss her ass, you have to do it. If she tells you to eat a bug, you have to do it. If she tells you to strip naked in the middle of class and do the Macarena… you get the idea.”

“Gross! I don’t want to eat a bug!”

“That was just an example. She’s not going to make you eat a bug.”

“But, Meg,” Lily points out, trying to sound reasonable, “none of us actually want to be in the sorority. What if we refuse to do it?”

“That’s illegal.”

“What?”

“I told you,” says Tiffany. “No takesies-backsies. Once you’re signed up to be an Epsilon Nu Phi pledge, you can’t wriggle out of it, or you go to jail. Ask anyone.”

“But… that can’t be… no, wait, I think I’ve heard of that, actually,” says Lily. “Damn it! We really do have to do it, guys, or they’ll call Sheriff Brown on us. I don’t know about you, but I really can’t afford another bout of trouble with the law.”

“Ugh… fine.” Kitty’s pouting. “Wait, why didn’t I sign you up for this, Meg? That would have been a perfect way to get back at you! Can I do it now?”

“Nope, it’s too late. Pledges can’t sign up other pledges. But if you graduate, and become a full sorority sister…”

“Then we can sign up Meg?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Hey, wait,” says Meg. “I didn’t agree to that.”

“Should have read the whole contract,” says Tiffany, shrugging. “Okay, girls, let’s go meet the other pledges.”

“Other pledges?”

“Sure. You didn’t think it was just you three, did you? Everyone wants to be in Epsilon Nu Phi!”