But it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you?

Holly shifted uncomfortably in the morning wind and adjusted her cardigan. She used to wear clothes like this all the time, but now the regular, casual outfits that she’d worn since she was a college student felt unnatural to her.

Maybe it was because by this point she’d spent several months clad in various skimpy, fetishy outfits that exposed her naked flesh for Nick’s perusal, and had grown so comfortable in her own skin that covering herself with something so modest seemed like a lie.

Or maybe because on the island of perpetual summer it was already approaching 70 degrees, and she was wearing several layers of clothing.

A compelling argument could be made for either case.

“Holly? Everything okay?”

The spritelike girl forgot all of her discomfort in an instant and jumped in surprise, eyes bulging wide. She stiffened up straight and turned robotically towards her… date.

“I… um…” The wave of heat surging through the perverted pixie was completely unlike the sensations she had grown used to. Holly was quite well-versed in the pleasant sensation of sexual arousal that stayed at the forefront of her mind most of the day, that eternal high that she kept chasing, never able to catch it.

This… it was nothing like that.

Holly’s heart pounded in her chest. Her mouth felt so moist, and yet swallowing didn’t seem to alleviate her condition. Anyone looking at her might have described her as feverish, but that wasn’t right… no, it wasn’t right at all.

She just… didn’t know how to process the complicated emotions she was feeling right now.

“It’s alright, if you don’t want to do this, we can think of something else,” Nick said, holding out his hand in an offering to her.

Holly’s eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat at his kindness.

“NO!” She cried, shaking her head so fast her tangled ponytail nearly bopped her on the nose. “I-I want to!”

In truth, she was kind of feeling of two minds about the whole thing. Part of her still felt like this was time that Nick was better off spending with another girl. That was the side of her that she usually fed into; those feelings of inferiority that just dangled in front of her like juicy, low-hanging fruit. But that wasn’t the side she was giving power to right now.

The other side? The one she was trying to let out? That was the Holly who desperately wanted to savor every last second she had with the man she loved. Yes, in her deepest fantasies she relished in the feeling of Nick choosing another woman over her. It was a compulsion that had been brought to the surface by her very first transformation, but she would be lying if she said that all those years ago there hadn’t been some wicked part of her that had received a naughty little sexual thrill when she saw Nick and Mary together.

Maybe her revulsion at that feeling had partially motivated her heinous actions that tore the two of them apart, or maybe it really had just been her sense of justice like she’d always believed. She would probably never know; that was a lifetime ago, and a completely different Holly. The Holly of today couldn’t relate at all to the repressed, bitter shrew that she’d been in those days.

So who am I now?

That was the question she was trying to answer today. Between Nick’s insistence and Mary’s coaxing, Holly had found herself with **** but to surrender to those secret desires trapped deep in her heart, and actually- *gasp!*

…Go out on a date with someone she loved more than she could ever express.

Now if only she could look at him without melting into a puddle like a certain former slime girl, that would be great.

Holly swallowed again and tried to make herself look a little taller. She adjusted her cardigan and gazed up into Nick’s eyes.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she asked the question burning in her heart.

“So… what do you think? It doesn’t look… weird on me?”

It seemed rather ridiculous, feeling ashamed right now. After everything that had happened between the two of them, the thought that Holly could still feel embarrassed? Just because Nick was looking at her?

Ironically, it was when she was dressed up that she felt the most naked. Instead of armoring herself with the perverted side of her that everyone knew, she was exposing her **** side to the man she loved.

I’m showing him me when I’m trying my best. Me on a date. And if he… if he doesn’t like the look of me, if he rejects me… I don’t even know how much that would hurt.

A throb of excitement surged through her chest.

That would be really hot, though!

She mentally slapped herself. That was the side of her she was trying to hold back! The side that found it hot to be shamed and degraded and rejected by the man she loved.

At the same time, Nick found himself in a difficult position when asked that question. At least, rationally, it should have. Any other day, if Holly asked him something like that, he might have deliberated for an uncomfortable amount of time, wondering if he should tell her the truth and say she looked good, or make some degrading comment that he knew would excite her.

Right now though, the question was no question at all.

“You look amazing,” he assured her with a smile. “You always do.”

This was supposed to be his day off. That’s what Kim wanted. A morning where he could relax and take things easy, without having to try too hard to think about what would please other people. A day where he could just do what he wanted.

What he wanted to do was tell the girl in front of him how adorable he found her. And if that’s what Holly wanted, even better.

The way her face turned pink confirmed he’d made the right answer, and he smirked.

“What? You’re not used to getting compliments?” He teased. “Well, we’ll have to do something about that, won’t we?”

“Shut up!” Holly pouted. She clenched her teeth together in a childish pout. “You’re not as suave as you think you are, mister!”

“Well, maybe you’re just easy,” Nick teased her back.

“I am! I’m incredibly easy! So you’re the one who looks stupid for trying so hard all the time!” Holly had an answer for everything. Unable to win the verbal argument, Nick just reached over and patted her on the head.

“#$@%!” Wordless nonsense spilled out of Holly’s lips.

Shutting her up usually took a lot more effort than that. Nick was making great progress today.

“I think you’re amazing, Holly, no matter what you’re wearing,” he repeated himself sincerely, looking into her eyes.

She swallowed and unconsciously preened her hair. “R-really?” She mumbled, glancing aside. “You mean it? So then… you would have been fine if I’d worn something else after all?”

Nick had insisted that Holly dress up nice for their date together. He said he didn’t want her wearing what she usually wore, in spite of her protests. She was expecting him to back down like he always did, but he’d been annoyingly insistent for once.

Now he was saying stuff like that?! The liar!

“I wanted you to look nice for our date,” Nick said honestly. “That’s why I pushed. Because I thought if you dressed up for once, then you’d actually treat it like a date.”

As usual, he could see right through her. As much as Holly loved no longer having to hide the person she was inside from everyone, her past discretion did have its uses.

For one thing, now that Nick understood just what was going on in her perverted little brain, he’d become remarkably capable of manipulating her into acting just the way he wanted! It was unfair! It was cheating! He didn’t get to just know what she wanted and then let her have it, that was just playing dirty!

Left without an answer, Holly just stuck her tongue out at him.

“Ha!”

…But he even found that cute! She just couldn’t win here!

The two stood outside the movie theater. Holly’s heart was still racing, but she’d finally gotten comfortable in what she was wearing. As comfortable as she could be with panties on, anyway. She rubbed her thighs together awkwardly, wondering how she ever could have been okay with something like this.

He just had to take off my chastity belt, didn’t he? Why?! It doesn’t make a difference anyway! Holly’s chastity belt was just another piece of her armor. It was entirely symbolic, of course- she still couldn’t orgasm without the permission of another girl who was making love to him. But even if she didn’t need to wear it to feel like she was fulfilling her obligation as Nick’s eternally-horny, eternally-denied “sex” ****, she loved the physical reminder of what she was and what she couldn’t give him.

So of course he’d made her take it off immediately. After all, the whole purpose of today’s date was to not treat Holly the way she’d gotten used to being treated. Here, wearing soft cotton panties she’d bought at a discount a decade ago and still fit even now, she wasn’t some horny girl being chained up by her master. She was…

Just a girl. A regular, ordinary girl on a regular, ordinary date. A date with the man she loved, not with her master.

…Still horny though. Yup. Still very much horny.

If this is some new kind of denial play, I gotta say, I’m not a fan. But as Holly looked at Nick, and saw him looking back at her, just enjoying her presence without guile or shame, she knew that had nothing to do with this.

Nope, he wasn’t thinking sexual thoughts at all, he just wanted to enjoy her company.

…Was it wrong that Holly felt just the tiniest bit disappointed about that? Sure, it was a single drop of disappointment in a sea of excitement and adoration, but Holly was **** for any scrap of justification she could get for why she shouldn’t be feeling this happy.

“Last chance,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “You can still back out now, Nick. We both know you don’t want to watch this movie.”

“But you want to watch this movie,” Nick pointed out.

She scrunched up her face in another pout. “I wanted to watch a hot and steamy erotic movie, but you said no.”

“I think that was more of a mutual no,” Nick calmly replied. “Remember, the point of today’s date is to not get me aroused and excited so I can take it easy.”

Holly let out a triumphant laugh. “A-ha! So that’s why you asked me out! Because I’m the one girl you know who doesn’t sexually excite you! I knew it!”

Come on! Deny it! I know you want to! Her heart pounded in anticipation and she bit her lip, gazing coquettishly up at him.

Nick didn’t say anything. He closed the distance between the two of them and tucked his arm around the small of her back. Holly let out a yelp as she was suddenly pulled against his chest, feeling his body against hers as the uncovered pussy below her skirt went wild with excitement.

“Now you’re just trying to goad me,” he murmured into her ear, and she practically collapsed into his arms.

Holly’s first instinct was to scream “Take me now!” but for once, the self-disparaging and rational sides of her heart were in complete agreement. Neither one of them wanted things to progress like that for wildly disparate reasons, and as a result her tiny little arms pushed against him.

“Come on, that’s not funny!” She wailed, playfully batting his chest. “Cut it out, Nick!”

“Okay,” Nick said, stepping back and letting her go. She nearly fell on her butt.

Holly stabilized herself, and clutched her chest, willing her breathing to go back to normal. When her body finally recovered she looked up at him, and seethed.

“You always have to have an answer for everything, don’t you?” It really wasn’t fair.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “It’s not fair. But I can’t help it. When it’s you, Holly, everything I think of just turns into the right answer.”

She pouted again. That was the right answer, too.

Jerk.

“Well… blegh!” She stuck out her tongue again.

“Very mature.”

“Uh-huh. I’m so mature,” Holly chortled, smirking a toothy smile. “If you don’t like it, then maybe you should have asked out another girl, and not me.”

“Absolutely, unquestionably not.”

Holly flinched. Her cheeks reddened again, and she sighed. The playfulness left her voice as she looked up at Nick, her shoulders sagging. “…Is this… really what you want, Nick? To go on a date with me?” She just couldn’t understand it.

“Holly, I’ll tell you a thousand times, until you finally accept it, yes, this is what will make me happiest right now,” Nick insisted, looking into her eyes with unflinching sincerity. “Maybe you can’t understand it, or maybe you’re just playing hard to get, but to me, you’re someone precious. I don’t know if you honestly believe that the other women in my life are somehow better than you, or if you just think it’s hot to convince yourself of that, but the truth is, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone. Even if tomorrow Dakota brought some woman onto the show who acted exactly like you, who would let me do whatever I wanted with them, the way you do, even if you think they’re a better fit for me than you, I would still want you more than them, Holly. You’re important to me because of who you are. And who you are is irreplaceable.”

Holly felt herself cringing at the sincerity in his words. He was so… darn earnest! How could he say all that with such an honest look in his eyes?!

She reached up and began playing with a fringe of her curly hair. She looked down bashfully, feeling emotions she hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

“Yeah… I get it, okay? If you go that far, even I’m gonna get it, so you don’t have to keep saying stuff like that, you know?” She mumbled, feeling like she was going to die of shame.

“I can’t know that, though,” Nick gently reminded her. “All I see is someone who constantly denigrates themselves while praising other women. All morning I’ve been trying to convince you, and you just keep trying to push me off onto other girls. But they’re not who I want right now, you are. And sometimes I’m afraid that you just won’t ever accept that.”

Holly looked down at her shoes. They looked so nice. When was the last time she’d worn these shoes? The comfortable loafers with the little bows on them that she’d practically walked the soles off, but had never gotten rid of because they fit her feet just perfectly?

It had been ages. They were so much more comfortable than the heels her maid costume came with. Like her feet were being hugged by old friends.

Come on, don’t cry. Nick would be crushed if you started crying now!

She looked up, and took him in again, soothing her soul by gazing into those warm brown eyes of his. It eased the ache in her chest marvelously and she smiled.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I shouldn’t have been making you feel that way. The truth is… I’m not really sure myself.”

“What aren’t you sure about?” Nick asked quietly. Normally he would have been afraid that if he said the wrong thing, he would crush her. But right now, that wasn’t even a thought in his head. When it was Holly, he just had that feeling that everything would be alright.

“If I’m really worth all that…” she admitted. “I mean… you say you love me, and I know you do. But there’s a part of me, a part I can’t quite shut up, that tells me you shouldn’t. That other girls are better for you. And I know it’s because of my transformation, but… part of it is coming from me, too, and there’s no one to blame for that but myself.”

If Holly was the kind of woman who could have quieted that voice inside of her by herself, she wouldn’t have been the kind of girl to treat Nick the way she had all those years ago. She would have been the kind of girl who could have accepted his feelings and returned them, instead of running away in fear of rejection.

“I guess there’s still a part of me that’s afraid you’ll reject me even now,” she admitted.

“I won’t,” Nick said. It carried the weight of a promise without as many words, and it lightened a load Holly had been carrying for quite some time.

“I still think it’s hot, seeing you choose other girls over me,” Holly admitted, shaking her head. “But the part of me who isn’t that is happy too, that we could do this today.”

“I just want you to believe that you’re worth loving,” Nick told her. “I understand that part of you finds the shame of rejection appealing, but that isn’t what I want. I want to give it to you, but not if you really believe that you’re worth less than everyone, when really you’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

How many “I” statements had they made? Was this something a real therapist would be proud of?

“I’m trying to find out who I am,” Holly said, placing her hand over her pounding heart and smiling. “It’s like I dove so deeply into my own desires that I got a little lost along the way. But I’m glad you reminded me I can still love you for who you are, and love myself, too.”

Holly still wasn’t sure who she really was. There were probably even sides of her that she hadn’t discovered yet, tucked away deep inside her heart until the moment came where they felt comfortable surfacing. But she knew she wasn’t as simple as she pretended to be. And she was so grateful that Nick had seen that for herself, and helped her realize it as well.

“I love you,” she murmured, finding the words strange on her lips, and yet so right at the same time.

Just as right as that smile of his. “I love you, too,” he told her, and her heart melted all over again.

Holly giggled. “I know that, you dope!” She batted her eyelashes. “But for real, this is your last chance. Just say the word, and you can get out of it. Today’s supposed to be about what you want to do, after all.”

“Is this what you want to do?” Nick asked her. “That’s all that matters to me.”

She nodded firmly. “It is. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. You had a chance to back out and you chose not to take it.”

“I know, but it’s okay,” Nick assured her.

He turned and looked back up at the movie theater and they headed inside to watch The Notebook.