Singapore

“Oh, dear,” said Lady Evelyn, smirking, as Fiona stood before her on the deck of the steamship, surrounded by nervous passengers and grinning lady pirates with cutlasses and pistols. “Looks like your little trip is over.”

“This is cheating!”

“Nobody ever said it was against the rules to hire the most diabolical gang of lesbian pirates in the East Indies,” Lady Evelyn said. She was dressed in a tight green silk cheongsam, which clung like a second skin to her deliciously evil curves. The waves of her raven-black hair gleamed in the sunlight as she tossed back her head in evil laughter. “You’ll be coming with us to Pirate Island, to be our little pet until the sixty-nine days are up. And then… Hellfire.”

“You wouldn’t! Not Hellfire!”

“Oh, yes. Hellfire.”

“I shan’t do it. I’ll never surrender.”

“You’ll surrender right now,” pointed out Lady Evelyn, “as you are surrounded by heavily-armed pirates, and if you don’t, you’ll walk the plank. Everyone watch closely, now. Fair little Fiona is going to do something funny.”

“No I won’t! I never do funny things!”

“Good time to start,” said Evelyn. The captain, a handsome blonde Norwegian, was watching with interest, as were his crew of strong-handed sailors from all over the world. The ship’s passengers, which included a maharani, a blonde lady missionary, a trio of millionaire heiresses from New York, and an entire class of eighteen-year-old British schoolgirls, along with their stern headmistress, stood in awkward clusters around the deck, wondering what was going to happen and shying away from the pirates, who were starting to get a little handsy. “Take off all your clothes.”

“I’m simply not going to do that. The idea’s preposterous.”

Evelyn pointed her pistol into the air and fired it, once. All around the ship, the waters of the East Indies glittered in the tropical sunlight. The lady pirates, clad in cotton trousers or wrapped in war sarongs, leered at the female passengers and tried to sidle closer. They were a mixed crew, Malay and Chinese and Siamese and Filipino with a handful of Africans and Indians - though all strikingly beautiful, as lady pirates always are.

“It’s a dreadfully warm day,” said Fiona. “Do you know, I believe that I shall take off all my clothes.”

“What a good idea,” said Evelyn, as her fuming red-faced rival was **** to strip completely naked in brilliant tropical daylight on the crowded deck of the steamship, in front of pirates and passengers and crew alike. “No, no, don’t cover up. Hands on your head. Yes, turn around so everyone can get a good look at you. There we go.”

“I’ll get you for this,” said Fiona, through gritted teeth, as her clothes were unceremoniously dumped overboard, and she was **** to satisfy the curiosity of the ogling pirates and the chuckling crew with a slow twirl.

“It’s only a joke, darling. Lighten up. In fact, why don’t you sing us a few verses of Roses Of England? That ought to put us all in a jolly mood.”

“We’re pretty English roses,” sang Fiona, feeling the familiar heat of a blush creep into her cheeks. Evelyn was grinning at her. That infuriating, condescending, I’ve-got-all-my-clothes-on-and-you-don’t grin, so utterly maddening to be on the receiving end of. Especially when you didn’t have all your clothes on. “We’re lovely when we dance…”

She was interrupted by a squeal, as two Chinese lady pirates with slim figures, silky skin and naughty eyes grabbed hold of Dorothy, the blonde lady missionary, and began to strip her out of her gingham frock. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” said Evelyn, brightly, as the wailing blonde was swiftly and systematically denuded, and the other quivering female passengers backed away from more grasping pirate hands. “They always do that.”

“But if you take our clothes off, you’ll see our underpants…”