The Calm

A strange thing happens when I wake the next day. I'm up before Azure. I stand from the bed and throw on my underwear and tank top. I also make the mistake of looking back at her. She looks so unassuming when she's sleeping, her gentle breaths barely disturbing the sheets covering her naked form. A dark urge in me wants to wake her up and have her right now... But a much larger part has never seen anything as beautiful as the sight before me right now.

How did this happen?

Just over a week ago I had boundaries, unbreakable walls. I was an island. Now I... Care for her. She matters to me, and she's not even real. My stomach flips in response to that thought. It's so confusing, to most people, she's a thing, an object. Fuck, not long ago I'd have considered her the same. Now? Now I'd swap out my Snapper for something with lead and take out every Purifier on the planet to protect her. It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.

I walk over to the kitchen area and turn on the hob before pulling various ingredients out of the fridge. Cracking eggs, stirring pans, and sizzling grease – it all keeps my mind off of my obvious problems. By the time I'm done, I've got... Well, it doesn't hold a candle to Azure's cooking, but it'll do. I do have one advantage that she doesn't. I know where I keep the bed tray. I place the food on it and carry it back over to the bed. I take one last look at the work of art between my sheets before I shake Azure awake and place the tray over her. "Hey... Azure, wake up, time for breakfast." I tell her as she blinks awake, realising what's happening.

"Master... You made me breakfast in bed?" She asks excitedly, sitting up in bed. The movement causes the sheets to fall and reveal Azure's whole torso, her naked breasts making her seem even more like a sculpture come to life than before. She smiles widely as she looks at my attempt at breakfast, then back at me. "You did a nice thing for me... You like having me here." She decides.

"Your snoring kept me up." I lie, feeling my face turn pink. She clearly sees through my facade as she begins to tuck into her food. "Besides, you usually wake up too early. It's annoying." I lie again, sliding into bed next to her. She grabs a forkful of eggs and points them to my mouth. I scowl at her attempts, but those big eyes defeat my willpower… Those big red eyes? That colour's usually only when she's orgasming. Is she getting some sort of pleasure out of this, or have I misunderstood that one?

I let her place the food into my mouth and withdraw the fork. "It's the tastiest meal I've ever had." She decides, taking her own bite. "Probably because you made it with luuurve." She coos. My heart stops. Relax, it's a joke, she's making a joke. She doesn't know anything... Not that there's anything to know. "I don't really know the tradition for this sort of thing, but I'm pretty sure this makes me your wife, right?" She jokes.

Wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife, wife.

My throat goes dry and my heart evacuates my chest. Stop it. She's not real, she can't even get married. Not that I'd want to, even if she could. She's making fun of me. I don't like it. I definitely hate it. That's got to be what I feel. Irritation. Nothing else. I can't let myself feel anything else.

"Just finish your fucking breakfast." I huff, tearing my eyes away from her captivating smile. I get out of bed and hurry to the bathroom, the only safe place in the entire loft. She's not in here. I turn the shower on and tear my clothes off. Stepping under the water, I turn the temperature as low as it can go, hoping it can halt the fire in my veins. It doesn't. I clean myself and step back out, feeling each droplet fall from my body, hoping they take this disease with them.

Disease. That's it. I must be sick.

*

"Master, you know I could make anything on this menu." Azure points out. We've changed locales to the diner for lunch, it's better to be here. I can focus on other things here. Things that aren't how her eyes sparkle when she smiles. I don't want her to make me anything. It'll make me even sicker. Even more weak. She's a toxin.

"Big change from the 'best meal I've ever had'." I point out, trying not to meet her gaze. People come and go from the diner, all visible from our booth in the corner. Each of them seems like ghosts, just haunting the place. The building seems dead too, like a carcass of an old truck stop. The only thing with any life here is... No. Not focusing on her.

Azure giggles at my reminder. "I'd say it's a close second after my breakfast this morning." She purrs, reaching out and putting a hand on mine. The contact is like a white-hot blade piercing my skin. I pull away instinctively. A mistake. She'll notice that. "Master? Is everything okay?" She asks me, worry obvious in her tone.

"I'd be better if you'd stop talking for five seconds." I growl. When every word is a lullaby, every sentence is a heartbreak. Stupid. I'm lashing out, that'll just... It'll make her care more. She shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. "This was a bad idea, we're leaving." I decide, standing from the booth. I don't look back, but I hear Azure follow swiftly after me. We exit the diner, and I summon my AV.

"Master, talk to me." Azure pleads as she catches up to me. The AV arrives, and we enter on each side. I don't look at her as she gets in. "Tell me what's hurting you, and I'll help." She begs, her voice thick with concern.

"Fucking you!" I roar, slamming my hands on the dashboard. Azure goes silent but doesn't look away from me. "You're hurting me. You're in my brain, in my lungs, in my blood. I was a well-oiled machine. I worked, I drank, I fucked, and I slept. That was enough for me. Now here you are, filling my head with things I'll never truly have. With a life that isn't meant for me. You make me sick. You make me physically ill. You're just meant to be a case. You're not meant to mean anything to me. Because that makes me worse at what I do. Because when something means something to me, it dies. Now, you're just something to hurt me, and I... I can't handle it."

Both of us remain silent in the vehicle. My outburst ringing in both of our ears. I type in the loft for the AV.