Misa Amane

"Misa Amane from **** Note," you say without a shred of hesitation.

"All right, I can do that," the genie replies with a casual nod. Then he raises an eyebrow. "Why her though?"

"I watched **** Note back in my early teens," you say. "Misa, uh, really helped me through my first sexual awakening. Ever since then, I’ve had a lifelong thing for blondes with twin tails."

"Totally understandable," the genie nods like a wise old pervert. "The first boners leave the deepest marks on your soul."

"And let’s be real," you add, settling deeper into the banter. "Light Yagami was an absolute loser for not knocking her up the first chance he got."

"Right?" the genie snorts. "The guy always gave me gay vibes. Yagami? More like Imagay! He looked way more interested in L’s dick than Misa’s tits."

"Entirely plausible," you agree. "And **** Note tanked after L died."

"It kinda sucked even before that," the genie says, rolling his eyes. "You’ve got a **** notebook that can’t be traced. How the hell do you still manage to get caught? That’s some single-digit IQ shit. Like, brain-cell deficiency tier."

"When I first watched it, I thought Light was a genius," you admit as the genie chuckles. "But I was, like, fourteen. Light only looked smart compared to other anime protagonists I watched at the time. Naruto, Luffy, Goku. Looking back, those guys were borderline retarded. Goku canonically has brain damage! Of course, Light seemed smart in comparison."

You shake your head and continue. "But yeah, **** Note didn’t age well. Light was a moron. Fumbling an untraceable **** weapon? That’s a generational fumble. And still not his biggest. His single biggest fumble was not breeding Misa like he should have."

"So you're going for the full impregnation arc, huh?" the genie grins.

"Absolutely," you say without shame. "I’m going to knock up Misa so many times it’s going to look like the Quiverfull movement on fertility pills! She was born to be bred. And the anime never confirms what happened to her after Light died, so it’s totally canon-compliant for her to retire as a barefoot, pregnant housewife who lives to pop out babies!"

"Based," the genie says, materializing a hat just to tip it. "Peak taste. And it’s always easier to do this when it lines up with canon. I’ll snatch her right from the end of **** Note, right after Light dies, bring her to you, and whatever you do with her will be her new canonical ending."

"Thanks, man. You’re the best genie ever," you say with a grin and a thumbs up. "I’m going to fuck Misa so hard she will forget Light ever existed! No condoms. No breaks. All creampies. Every day. Every night. Seven days a week until she’s pregnant. And let’s be honest, Light definitely had a micro penis. You don’t start acting like a wannabe god just from finding a notebook unless you’re compensating for something."

"Facts," the genie nods. "And L fumbled hard too. World’s greatest detective, and he still loses to an edgy teenager with a god-complex? After already confirming his identity? What a fucking joke. Don’t even get me started on how bad his mini-mes, M and N, were."

"I totally forgot those two losers even existed," you laugh. "Talk about forgettable."

"Exactly," the genie says. "By the end, **** Note was damn near unwatchable. And it only got worse. The author’s latest manga was somehow even more of a disaster."

"Platinum End," you groan like it physically pains you to remember. "I pirated it and still feel ripped off. A blatant Mirai Nikki knockoff, and somehow even dumber. At least Mirai Nikki had a couple of crazy hot girls. Platinum End gave us jack shit! I was hoping for some angel-on-human action, based on the cover. But nope. The main character ends up with the most generic schoolgirl ever. You know, the most boring choice possible."

"Oh, and don’t forget," the genie adds with a sneer, "they made the suicidal kid god, just so he could kill himself right after becoming god, just like he said he would. Peak clown move."

"Man, that whole series was a dumpster fire," you say.

"Shit, man, I could go on for hours about how that writer is a hack," the genie says. "But I’ve got waifu-delivery duties to fulfill. I'll stop talking and let you enjoy your new waifu."

"Sure, man," you say with a smirk. "Catch you later. I’ll be balls deep in Misa for the next couple of weeks if you need me!"