Pick Mal

“Come on, Mal, I can see that you’re itching to have a go,” you say.

“Hell yeah,” Mal smiles. “Let’s rumble.”

“Whoa-hoh-hoh, it is getting intense in here,” dress shirt guy says, fanning himself. “This last game is called ‘Sex is Like…’. Before we get going, I need a topic from the crowd. Shout out a noun, anything that comes to mind!” There’s a brief pause, and then a bunch of people call out a jumble of words. “Did I hear tennis? Now that should be a fun one. Here’s how it’ll work. Alex and Mal, you’ll have three minutes between the two of you to win over the audience. On your turn, you’ll need to come up with a quick quip to complete the sentence ‘Sex is like tennis… The more risqué the better! Once time’s up, the audience will vote and we’ll see who’s the wittiest of ‘em all!”

There’s a round of applause and cheering, to which dress shirt guy smiles and bows.

“Now, without further ado… Mal, ladies first,” he says, pointing at the redhead.

Mal steps up, smiling at the crowd.

“Sex is like tennis,” she says. “You can do it on a hard court, but I’m a gal who likes it better on grass. It’s more fast and fun!”

There’s laughter and applause. Dress shirt guy chuckles and says: “No love for clay, huh? Alex, show us what you got.”

With the attention suddenly cast on you, you scramble for a line, when one suddenly strikes you.

“Sex is like tennis,” you say. “If you play doubles, you better trust your partner. Especially when it comes to net play.”

That draws more laughs and a couple of yelps. Dress shirt guy nods appreciatively and says: “Getting kinky already! Mal, take it away.”

“Sex is like tennis,” Mal smiles deviously. “I knew you’d prefer singles. There’s a reason why your right arm’s bigger than your left.”

“Hoo-boy, that’s a real burn,” dress shirt guy says, shaking out his hand, and the audience agrees, cheering in turn. “You just going to take that, Alex?”

“Of course not,” you reply, ready with your next line. “Sex is like tennis… if the woman’s not grunting after every stroke, something’s wrong. That’s why I always hit that sweet spot deep.”

The crowd roars in approval, and Mal shakes her head, wagging her finger at you.

“Sex is like tennis,” she grins. “I play with the balls before I get started, because I’m going to make ‘em bounce like hell.”

“Damn girl!” somebody in the audience shouts, and dress shirt guy laughs. “Alex, you’re going to let her take control like that?”

You shake your head emphatically. “No way,” you say. “Sex is like tennis… I do it from the back, with long, hard strokes. That’s my baseline game.”

“Sex is like tennis. Being a quick shot’s not impressive,” Mal counters.

The latest exchange gets the crowd real amped up now, hooting and hollering, and dress shirt guy applauds. “Wow, it is getting hot in here,” he says, mock fanning himself. “Alex, finish us off.”

"Sex is like tennis,” you say. “If you can smash, smash it. But if you can’t score… then love is for naught.”

You dust your hands off and the crowd jumps to their feet, whooping and cheering, just as the timer for three minutes goes off.

“Now that was a feisty duel we just saw,” dress shirt guy says, nodding appreciatively. “Good work, you two. Sadly, there can only be one winner for the night. We’re going to do vote by voice, so cheer if you liked Mal more!”

The response is loud and clear, wolf-whistles and shouts of approval sounding across the audience. But when dress shirt guy next calls “Cheer if you liked Alex more!”, the response is overwhelming. It feels like the entire bar is roaring your name, and you drink in the applause and approval.

“Folks, looks we’ve got a winner,” dress shirt guy says. He holds up your arm. “Give it up for… Alex!”

Mallory +20