Joey Freaking Granger?!

"Oh my God. Are you seeing this?!"

"Uh. Yeah. I have eyes. What the actual hell is happening right now?"

"That’s Madison Ashford. Holding Joey Granger’s hand. In public."

"No, I see it. I just don’t believe it. Did she lose a bet? Is this, like, some kind of dare?"

"I mean… that would make sense. Because there is no freaking way Madison is actually into Joey Granger."

"Right?! Like, Joey's not—he's not gross or whatever, but he's just... Joey. Have you even heard his voice since middle school. This doesn’t make sense."

"I swear to God, if this is one of those ‘makeover glow-up’ things where he took his glasses off and suddenly he’s hot, I’m gonna scream."

"I don’t think he even wears glasses?"

"Okay, but he had that whole ‘social anxiety, hoodie up, mumbling to himself’ thing going on. Like, when did that become attractive?"

"I don't know, but Madison looks… like, into it. She’s literally gazing at him like he’s 2008 Zac Efron."

"Oh my God, STOP. But also, true."

"Wait, hold up. Hold. Up. She just—did she just kiss him? Did that just happen?"

"Oh my GOD, she totally did! That was like a kiss kiss. What is even happening?!"

"I don’t even know how to process this. Madison could have any guy in school. Literally any of them."

"I know! She could have, like, Logan Parker or Nico Cruz or—"

"Or, like, an actual college guy. She’s Madison freaking Ashford."

"And instead, she’s here, making out with Joey Granger."

"Joey. Granger."

"None of this even makes any sense. How is this a thing?"

"Okay, okay, let’s think this through. Is he secretly rich? Did his dad invent, like, Postmates or something?"

"Nah, I think his dad’s just some office guy. And his mom’s, like, a real estate agent or something?"

"So, no secret billionaire money. Hmm. Maybe he has, like, some insane talent? Is he secretly a rockstar?"

"Have you ever seen him near a musical instrument? Because I haven’t. He's not even in band."

"Okay, but, like, what if he’s just… amazing at something else? You know."

"OH MY GOD, DON’T EVEN SAY THAT."

"I’m just saying, it would explain a lot!"

"It would explain too much, honestly."

"I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. I need to sit down."

"Like, how does something like this even start?"

"Right? ‘Hey, Madison, I know you date, like, top-tier guys, but have you considered… me?’"

"And then she was just, like, ‘OMG, yes, you’re my soulmate’?"

"There’s gotta be something we’re missing. Something big."

"Yeah. Because I’m looking at Joey Granger, and I just—I don’t get it. What does she see that we don't?"

"Terrifying."

"Terrifying. But also?"

"Oh my God. Stop."

"Come on. You're thinking about it."

"I am not!"

"You are so. Has Madison been wrong about a guy before?"

"Shut up."

"I mean..."

"Stop talking immediately."

"Admit it."

"..."

"That’s what I thought."