Boundaries and Exploration

It was late when my phone buzzed. I almost didn’t pick it up, thinking it might be another message I wasn’t ready to deal with. But when I saw her name flash across the screen, my heart stopped. It was Haeun.

I fumbled to answer. “Haeun?”

Her voice was soft, almost cautious. “Hey.”

I sat up, gripping the phone tightly, not sure if this was going to be closure or a chance to fix things. “I’m so glad you called. I’ve been—” I caught myself. No excuses. No over-explaining. “I’m sorry, Haeun. For everything.”

She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. “I need to know, Joonie. Why? Why did you do it?” Her voice cracked slightly, and I felt the weight of her hurt through the phone.

I took a deep breath, trying to organize my tangled thoughts. “When you were gone, I felt like... I had no control over anything. You were out there shining, and I was here, powerless. Sharing your photos with Jae—god, it was stupid and selfish—it was like... like I was trying to gain control over something in my life in the worst way possible. It was wrong, I know that. I should have known how much it would hurt you.”

She didn’t respond immediately. The silence was unbearable. “I hate what you did,” she finally said, her tone firm. “It felt like you took something private and loving—without my consent—and turned it into something... twisted. I’ve been struggling to understand how you could do that to me.”

“I know,” I said quickly. “I hate myself for it. You deserve better. And if you can’t forgive me, I’ll understand.”

“I didn’t say I can’t forgive you,” she replied, surprising me. “But I have been thinking. If we’re going to try again, we need boundaries. Rules. You can’t just... act out your fantasies like that, not without talking to me first.”

“Absolutely,” I said immediately. “Consent. Always. I swear.”

She exhaled softly, and for the first time, I felt a glimmer of hope. “And I’ll try to understand your needs better. But you need to promise me—whatever we do has to be controlled. Safe. Respectful.”

“I promise,” I said. “Whatever it takes, Haeun.”

There was another pause before she added, “You know, Jihoon helped me see that we could fix this.”

Hearing his name hit me like a punch to the gut. “Jihoon?”

“He’s been... supportive,” she said, hesitating. “He could have easily taken advantage when I was sad and confused, but he was there for me when I needed someone to lean on. In fact he was the one that convinced me to work things out.”

I swallowed the pang of jealousy that had risen in my chest, the idea of my **** Haeun alone with him, for days on end. “That’s... good,” I said, though my voice betrayed my mixed feelings. “He’s a good guy.”

Even at my lowest, I couldn't suppress the dark urges within me, rearing its ugly head at the mere mention of another man.

She must’ve sensed my hesitation. “He really changed, I think. Jihoon cares about me, but he wants something more serious than I can give him. It's complicated."

“Haeun, can I say something crazy?” I hesitated, unsure how to phrase what had been swirling in my mind. “What if you give him something a little more?”

There was a pause as my words sank in.

“What are you suggesting, Joonie?"

“I mean, Jihoon’s proven he cares about you, and he's trustworthy. If we want to do this in a controlled setting, maybe... maybe he could be someone we explore with? He lives with you after all, and already knows what's going on."

There was an even longer pause.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Jihoon deserves more than to be someone’s... second option. And he isn't someone that wants to share with other people. He'd want me to be exclusive with him."

"He said that?"

"Not directly. But I know him enough to know what he wants. Besides, what you're asking... It’s a big step.”

“It is,” I agreed. “And we don’t have to jump into anything right away. But... think about it. Maybe we can figure out a way to make this work for all of us. I’m just tired of hurting you.”

“Alright,” she said hesitantly. “I’ll talk to Jihoon. But no promises.”

“That’s all I can ask,” I said, relief flooding through me. “Thank you, Haeun. For giving me another chance.”

She made a small humming sound in response, a familiar sound that warmed my heart. “Let’s see where this goes,” she said finally. “Together.”

We ended the call not long after that, both of us needing to rest. Despite everything, I felt a spark of hope flickering within me. The idea of sharing Haeun with Jihoon unsettled and aroused me in equal measures, but the thought of losing her forever terrified me even more.

Perhaps this could be a way for us to find the balance we so desperately needed. A chance to build trust again, to understand one another’s desires in a way that respected us both. Only time would tell.