But they're not done yet...

Ross extended his arm to touch Maddie's forehead, but to his surprise she stopped him.

"Ross, baby, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, but I told you- I'm here to do two things. The first is you, and the second is to buy some dreadfully boring makeup so you can paint your girlfriend up like a dour academic."

"Damnit," Ross sighed. "I thought we were done shopping."

Maddie smirked and opened the dressing room door, gesturing for him to go ahead. "Madison thought it might be a bit too much for you to handle, which is why she created me. I'm to inject a little fun into the proceedings, dear."

"Well, you've certainly done that." Ross approached the cashier with the pants Madison had chosen. As she rung him up, he turned back to his golem.

"So you're sticking around for the makeup too?" he asked.

"Only if you'd like," she told him matter-of-factly. "Otherwise we can pop in the loo and put the genie back in the bottle."

The cashier gave them a strange look as he handed over his credit card. He smiled sheepishly, entered his PIN, and walked out.

"Sir," the cashier called out, "you forgot your bags!"

Ross retrieved them and mumbled an apology. He tried to hand it to Maddie but she balked. "Now you wouldn't make a girl carry all that, would you?"

"You're not a girl," he said quietly. "You're a golem. You don't even get tired!"

"I'm the Devil," she whispered back. "And I don't carry my own fucking bags. Now let's go see what we can do with this face."

As they strode across the mall, Maddie confidently leading Ross past an array of shops and kiosks, he checked his phone. No new messages, but he noted that they had now passed the four-hour mark. Suddenly he was interrupted by a loud cry of recognition.

"Madison! Ross!" He recognized the person hailing them as Regina, a mutual friend. She was approaching rapidly and waving.

"Shit," he said under his breath. "Act like an American college kid."

Maddie nodded and she slouched down, rounding her shoulders and looking at the ground as Regina closed the gap between them.

"Hey guys! What are you up to?" Regina asked. She had a single bag and a cup of soda.

"Howdy," Maddie said in cringe-worthy attempt at an American accent. "We're just here to get some cheeseburgers and go to the saloon."

"What?" Regina asked, clearly confused.

"Ugh, it's this new ironic joke she's doing," Ross said. "She won't drop the bit no matter how many times I tell her it's just not funny."

Regina shrugged. "I don't get it. Anyway, how did midterms go for you? Madison, did you get that big diffeq project in on time?"

"Darn tooting," Maddie drawled as Ross cringed. She put an arm around him. "Couldn'ta done it without my boo. Ain't that right?"

"Whoa, you two are together now?" Regina asked. "Since when?"

Ross chuckled nervously. "Uh, not long. We're kinda keeping it under wraps. Or trying, anyway. But we've got to hit a few more stores before they close, so we'll catch up later. Good to see you!"

"Later, 'tater," Maddie said as Ross dragged her away. As soon as they were out of earshot, he turned to her with a scowl.

"What the fuck was that?" he hissed.

"The worst two minutes of my life," she sighed in her normal voice. "I'm the devil, but I'm not American. Even I have my limits."

"You sounded like Howdy Doody! I thought golems could do different voices and stuff!"

Maddie put her hands on his shoulders and rubbed his neck with her thumbs. "Ross, baby, don't be cross. You know my script is posh, and it doesn't include instructions for acting low-class. If you have to blame someone, blame your girlfriend for neglecting to consider this scenario."

He pushed her hands off and spun around angrily. "Whatever. Let's just get the makeup and get out of here before we bump into somebody else we know."

Maddie chose the most expensive makeup store in the mall, of course. Ross followed her in, but unlike Madison, she had no questions for him. She looked over the various creams, powders, and sticks with a practiced precision. He distracted himself by reading a pamphlet on a beauty treatment. He was almost finished it when Maddie grabbed him by the elbow and led him outside."Let me guess," he said once they were outside. "You didn't see anything you liked."

Maddie smiled and opened her mouth to reveal a small pink tube of lipstick. She plucked it from her mouth and deposited it in one of the clothing bags he was carrying. Ross was aghast.

"Are you- did you fucking shoplift that?"

"It depends," she said with a coy smile. "Are you police?"

"You could blow up our whole plan!" he exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how reckless that was?"

"Would you rather pay forty five dollars for a tube of cosmetics that was made in a chemical plant in Bangladesh for less than a quarter?" she asked before coughing up a small compact. "Trust me, darling, I've met the men who run these companies. Stealing from them is no great evil."

"Ok, first thing we do once we get in the car is swap you out," he said. "This is starting to get on my nerves."

"Fine with me." Maddie crossed her arms and frowned. "You're too much of a do-gooder for my tastes anyway."