Minjae receives a call back

My phone buzzed in my hands, pulling me from the haze of scrolling through a sea of comments on the latest St6rlight fan forums. They had not even begun promotions, but already the internet was ablaze with rumors and speculation. There were also photos of Haeun being shared by the thousands, mostly pictures of her legs and crotch from various performances during the show.

I snatched it up, my heart racing as Haeun's name lit up the screen. It had been almost twelve hours since we'd last spoken; I'd been going out of my mind with worry.

"Haeun?" I said quickly, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Joonie..." Her voice was shaky, like she'd been crying.

"Are you okay? Why didn't you answer my calls? I've been so worried!" I blurted out, pacing the living room in agitation.

She drew in a shuddering breath, her words coming out in a jumbled rush. "Joonie... I'm... I'm sorry, I should have called earlier. Things have been crazy here." She sounded exhausted.

"What happened? Did something go wrong?" I asked, my stomach tightening into knots at the thought.

"No... no... everything's fine, but..." Haeun trailed off, her hesitation making my anxiety spike.

"But what?"

"We've just been really... busy," she finally managed. "We didn't get much sleep last night, and this morning has been hectic."

"Busy with what?" I pressed, needing more details to put my mind at ease.

She was silent for a long moment, then sighed heavily. I braced myself for whatever was coming.

“I need to tell you something,” she said finally. “About the apartment.”

Her words tumbled out quickly, almost rushed, as though she were trying to get them out before she lost her nerve. She described the dynamics of the apartment—the two floors, the shared spaces, and the growing intimacy among the group. She told me about finding Hyuk sneaking out of Mina’s room, Eunseo and Taemin hooking up, and the descent into debauchery after everyone found out about each other.

“And Jihoon?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Her voice softened, barely above a whisper. “Jihoon and I… we’re not hiding anything from the others. Everyone knows about us.”

The words stung, even though I’d tried to prepare myself for this. “You and Jihoon,” I echoed, forcing the words out.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, her voice breaking slightly. “I should’ve told you sooner about what was going on today. It’s just… things happened so fast, and it’s hard to explain—”

"It's okay. Take your time, I will understand."

“Everyone here wants to be… involved,” she said carefully. “It’s not romantic. It’s just part of how we’re bonding as a group. I didn’t want to lie to you, so I’m asking you first… is it okay if I… if I sleep with them?”

Her words hit me like a freight train. I sat there, stunned, as images I didn’t want to imagine flooded my mind. Haeun, with Jihoon. Haeun, with Hyuk. Haeun, with Taemin. The guys sharing and passing the gorgeous girls around, living the dream that had became my nightmare. The jealousy that flared up was suffocating, but behind it, something darker stirred—something I hated to admit was arousal.

“You’re saying it’s just… physical?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“Yes,” she said. “There’s nothing emotional. It’s just… part of this weird environment we’re in. I don’t want to do it without your permission.”

I swallowed hard, my throat dry. My mind screamed at me to say no, to tell her this was too much, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, what slipped out was: “If it helps you, then… okay.”

There was a long pause on her end, and I could hear the relief in her voice when she finally spoke. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but I promise it doesn’t mean anything. You’re the one I love.”

“I know,” I said, though my voice was barely above a whisper.

“I will talk to you soon,” she said softly, and then the call ended.

I sat there, staring at the blank screen of my phone, the weight of her request pressing down on me. My emotions were a tangled mess of jealousy, pain, and something I couldn’t quite name. The thought of her being in an orgy with others in that apartment filled me with a sick sort of arousal, one that made me ashamed even as it thrilled me.

I leaned back on the bed, running a hand through my hair, trying to make sense of what I’d just agreed to. She was mine, and yet she wasn’t. She was slipping further into this new world, and I was letting her go, piece by piece.

But as much as it hurt, I couldn’t lose her. I’d rather have this fractured version of her than nothing at all. That thought was the only thing that kept me grounded as I lay there, returning to the forums, scrolling through the photos of my goddess posted by random netizens, knowing she was being defiled with my blessings.