Interviewed by the reporter

Lauren, soggy, butt naked and utterly disheveled, dragged herself to her shaky legs. She blinked at the bright lights, slowly gathering enough vision to notice the gathered crowd, the camera shoved in her face and the reporter pointing a mic at her.

"How do you feel?" The reporter asked.

"I... fine..." Lauren said dumbly, totally discombobulated.

"And how exactly did you get stuck in the tube?" The reporter pressed.

"I... I don't know..." Lauren stammered. "I just got stuck!"

"Are you outraged the park did not properly plan for overweight children such as yourself, and allowed you to get stuck in the slide?"

"I... I'm not..." Overweight? Children? What was this bitch talking about? Okay, she got stuck because her butt was kind of big, but she wasn't overweight, and she was a 20 year old woman dammit!

The reporter cut her off though.

"And where is your guardian? Does anyone know you're alone and naked at the water park?"