Santiago, too soon to be a Mother

A soft wailing wakes me up, at the same time, in the same ungodly hour of the night. I know it's little Shelly, and after waking up for the fourth time in this night alone, I get up and rush to the crib in the very small room I got used to over the last few months, trust me, paying rent in NY sucks a lot with these inflated prices. Well, atleast it's not LA levels of expensive... I think?

As I slowly pick up the cute wailing child into my hands, I try to soothe her, trying to rock her gently and yawning the same, before noticing that she was hungry. I slowly uncover the top of my old faded soccer jersey, still not used to my new proportions after all these months, to reveal large and slightly saggy breasts, to me - they looked saggier than before, but to any other person I asked, they told me I got out of pregnancy mosly unscathed - I still think that I don't look as good as before, I look a bit messy.

After starting to breastfeed my newborn, I begin to wonder if I actually regret being here, and after I feel she's full and proceed to make her burp in only a way I can, I smile at poor little Shelly, I definitely love being a mom, I am still not ready... I think.

Oh, wait, never told you my story right? We should go over the basics before I actually go over my history here. Hi. I'm Santiago, well, used to be that guy. Nowadays I go by Marina, which was my grandma's name, if I was a girl, I would be called that. Uhm... I am... Fresh out of High School with 19 years old and as you can see, I'm already a mother, and in order for you to know how I got here... I have to tell the long story. It's a bit long... So... Buckle in?

It was on my Senior year at school. I gotta talk about the days before the change so you all can understand what truly happened, after all, saying I got drunk after getting spiked isn't the full context. You see, I am not from the US, I'm actually from Brazil! I got to know that my grandparents from my mother's side were American and so I moved in with them after living in Brazil for almost my entire life. I started High School here, and the culture shock made me stand out, with my accent and the way I acted, much to my dislike."Hey Santi. You're up early! That's a miracle!"

This is my friend Drey, formally known as Andre, but he prefers Drey, it's shorter and cooler in his opinion. Drey stands tall at 6'2'' which instantly makes him a lady killer and one of the popular students, his hair used to be slick back when we met, but he adopted the dreads soon after and it did matched him, specially with how laid back and low effort he was. His clothes reflect that as he was wearing a baggy jersey and a jacket on, mixed in with some black cargo pants and an old pair of Jordans, and he looked good while doing this.

"Hey Drey. How was the game last weekend? Grandma had me helping her all day, couldn't go see the team."

"No problem shorty. We demolished the other team. 90-65 for us, clear winners right?"

"Damn. That gotta get the coach off of your backs, right?"

"Nope. The old fart is still on our tail."

As me and I would chat, walking down the hallways and just enjoying not having classes for now, we see the third member in my friend trio in Phillip, the stereotype of a nerd, getting bullied at his own locker. Phillip wasn't as lucky as Drey, he was barely 5'6'', had a poor case of acne and used a pair of old glasses, he was beginning to outgrow that easily. He dressed himself as usual, flannel shirt and sweatpants, but on his scrawny body, they actually looked baggy, unhealthily baggy.

"Hey Kyle! Hands off Phillip! You know you don't mess with my friends!"

"Oh. It's you Drey and... Santi. Can't believe you let that pipsqueak hang around you Drey! You've gotten softer..."

I clicked my tongue eyeing the bully with a bit of an ire, as the jock takes a jab at me again, because not only of my accent, but also my stature. You see, I was small, really small, like 5'1"... Yes. I told you. Count that and my accent being nigh impossible to stop, my mixed origins took a backseat to all of these pompous idiots annoying jokes and comments.

Drey as usual got close to the jock, a nobody named Kyle and his cohorts of full of themselves nobodies, and reared his knuckles, and before any of us could start another verbal war, the hall monitor spotted us and the animosity quickly died down, there were only looks and dislikes.

"Say you three. There's a party going down in Amber's house. We have a few leftover invites, cause she wanted to invite the whole class. Want in?"

That. That was the time I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, or not. I still am not sure. But this choice was what really kicked in the weirdest and most important part of my life.