Ambition and Submission

"I think my new boss hates me," I said, talking about Dan Evans. Mariko and I were alone now in his office. Like the other day she'd once again assumed a kneeling position facing me, but this time had kept her clothes on.

"He fears you and the knowledge you possess," Mariko said. "Perhaps you can gain his trust over time. Perhaps not. Sometimes being feared can be useful."

I thought about what it meant having that knowledge. It had to scare the shit out of Evans knowing that video was out there and that Kelly and I had seen it. "Do you have any more video of the two of them playing, um... whip the CEO? Or was that it?"

"Oh no. We have much more. They were very enthusiastic about playing that game."

"Well I guess that shows you never really know what goes on behind closed doors," I said. "Unless you have a hidden spy camera, of course."

"Yes, that is true," Mariko laughed.

"So what's going to happen to Barbara in Tokyo? Will Hiromoto whip her like he does you?"

"I do not know what Mr. Hiromoto has planned for her. I only know that he demanded that I bring her back to Tokyo as a mailgirl."

"So Mr. Hiromoto was so pissed off about Barbara wanting to deal directly with him instead of you that he spent two years plotting to turn her into a mailgirl?"

"It was not as difficult to ensnare Barbara as you may believe," Mariko said. "Mr. Hiromoto could have sprung the trap long ago but he needed her in place to help nurture his Mailgirls program here. Her obsession with you and her belief that she was smarter than everyone else left her blind to the danger."

I thought back to my meeting with Barbara last Monday before everything had gone off the rails. She had talked about having blindspots and needing me as a partner to help her overcome that. Maybe she'd sensed that she was missing something. It turned out that what she was missing was a threat from her "partner" in Tokyo.

"So Hiromoto doesn't think she's needed anymore?" I asked.

"He believes that Mailgirls can survive here without her now and she has become expendable."

"Then why does he want her back here in two years?"

"Barbara has been a valuable asset to Mr. Hiromoto. Because of this he has decided to provide her with the gift of humility and then return her to DDE in the hopes she will become even more valuable in the future."

The gift of humility? I guess that's one way of putting it, I thought to myself. "So what about me?" I asked. "Am I also at risk of receiving one of Mr. Hiromoto's 'gifts' if I don't follow all of his marching orders?"

Mariko shook her head. "Mr. Hiromoto cares little about the Mailgirls program or how you run it. He only cares about what it can offer him. Until now it was information, but in the future he expects to earn profits. If you expand the program as you promised to Mr. Evans then you need not fear any interference from Mr. Hiromoto."

"I hope I can actually do that. I may have gone a little overboard in making that promise."

"I have much faith in you, Danica. I sensed you were special from our very first meeting. This is why I risked taking you up to meet Mr. Hiromoto. I would not have done this with Kelly."

"I don't know, Mariko. I've spent the last two years as just a lowly mailgirl and now I'm suddenly in charge of the whole program in North America? What do I do? Do I just follow Barbara's plan?"

"You must find your own way, Danica. I will assist you as best I can but you must understand that I cannot hold your hand. We have many more programs around the world now. I have recently signed a new partner in Rio de Janeiro who will soon begin promoting Mailgirls in South America."

"Are you still in that little office on the fifth floor?" I asked remembering how surprised I'd been to see the size of it considering the international notoriety of the program she was running.

"Yes," Mariko replied. "Mr. Hiromoto has not yet rewarded my efforts with a larger office. However I do have an assistant now to help me."'

"So are you jealous that I'm going to have a much bigger office than you and my own assistant?" I joked.

"Oh yes! Very much so!" she laughed.

Something else occurred to me that I needed to ask about. "Anna and I have been living in Barbara's condo so what's going to happen to us now that Mr. Hiromoto is going to own it?"

"I believe Mr. Hiromoto would allow this condo to be used as the residence for DDE's Director of Mailgirls if you wish to remain in it," she said.

"Yes I would. I like it there." That would give me another few months with Anna anyway, although I knew she'd probably move out once her contract expired. She was becoming more independent with each passing day.

I had to ask Mariko about the elephant in the room. "What's going to happen when Barbara comes back? Will she take over control of Mailgirls again?"

"You must answer that question for yourself, Danica. You have two years to prepare for her return. Will you allow her to take Mailgirls from you?"

"No, I won't," I replied with more confidence than I actually felt. I had no doubt that Barbara would want to regain control over both the Mailgirls program and me when she returned. Would I be strong enough to prevent that from happening?

I thought about the task ahead of me. Should I continue to take Mailgirls in the direction that Barbara had envisioned? Should I chart a course that was less harsh and demanding for the girls? There was a growing consensus among upper management that their mailgirls should become full time company slaves. Would I be able to resist doing that? Did I even want to?

What I did know for a certainty was that after spending two years of my life immersed in this crazy program I really did believe in the value of it. I'd seen first-hand the tangible, real-world benefits of it for DDE. I also believed there were even some benefits in it for mailgirls as well.

Defying the cultural taboo against public nudity had proven to be exciting and arousing to many mailgirls, myself included. It's difficult to describe the feeling of being forced to work naked in a normal business environment where everyone else is fully clothed. We were living outside of the societal norms that constrained most people and the fact that we weren't even allowed the option of clothes or modesty only intensified the experience. I know this created many different and sometimes conflicting emotions in mailgirls, but boredom was never one of them.

Many mailgirls also talked about the odd sense of freedom they felt while doing this job, as strange as that sounds. In a stressful world where people are constantly bombarded by noise and distractions from every direction there's something liberating about having your life literally stripped down to its bare essence. Every second of a mailgirl's duty day was governed by the MMU strapped to her arm and this helped to free her mind of any distractions and allowed her to focus only on the task at hand.

There were times I was able to reach a hypnotic state where my mind was cleared of everything but placing one foot in front of the other again and again and again until reaching my destination. It became a form of moving meditation for me and over time I learned to crave the calm, empty mind this movement induced along with the awareness of feeling nothing against my bare skin but air.

Of course being a mailgirl was no path to enlightenment and it definitely wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. Far from it. There was an undeniable dark side to the life: the humiliation, the degradation, the fear of being forced into sexual slavery. And every mailgirl reacted to it differently. Some, like Becca, seemed born to the job and thrived in it while others, like Stephanie, had been coerced into the life and dreamed of the day they could escape from it. Most mailgirls were somewhere on the spectrum between those two extremes.

And now I'd been handed a job that effectively gave me control of these women's lives. The thought of having that type of responsibility felt more than a little overwhelming. I knew there was a fine line between servitude and slavery and it had become blurrier over time. The Mailgirls program constantly danced along the edge of that line and I would do my best to keep it from crossing over it.

Or would I? My own submissive compulsions had taken me to the very edge of voluntarily submitting to a life of slavery before turning away from it at the last moment. Even now I still felt the pull of those compulsions like a riptide threatening to drag me out to sea. When Barbara returned would I be able to resist her once again? Would she finally be able to finish what she had started? The prospect of her eventual return both terrified and excited me.

Mariko remained silent as I struggled with these thoughts. As I looked at her I realized that her beauty and quiet humility helped mask a hidden reservoir of strength deep within her. She had taken on both Barbara Anderson and Dan Evans today without blinking. Even while Barbara was probing her defenses and Dan was angrily going off on her she had maintained her unflappable composure, never once raising her voice or showing the slightest sign of distress or doubt. Although she'd always presented herself as just a simple messenger for Mr. Hiromoto I believed now that she wielded far more power than she ever let on.

I want to be this woman, I decided. I want to become Mariko. I'll learn to obtain and wield power with the same quiet composure and confidence. I'll become a master of the great game and subtly bend the world to my will as she does. I'll shed my clothes and work as a mailgirl whenever I feel the need to scratch that itch. I've just been given the perfect job to nurture and feed both of my competing natures of ambition and submissiveness and I'll fight to keep it. And when Barbara returns I'll be ready for her.

A sense of calmness came over me now as I understood what I had to do. "I'm ready, Mariko," I said to her. "Whatever comes next I'll be ready for it."

Mariko smiled at me. "Yes, Danica. Your future is yours to create."

For the first time in a very long time I really believed that.