Quick Learner

“Okay… that’s a lot of Rotworm Flesh. Does it really have to be ground up? I don’t think I can do that with Craft or Refine, unless it’s actually considered a separate item. Would a mundane meat grinder work on monster flesh? I get the feeling it wouldn’t, but I don’t want to waste materials just to mash up some disgusting fucking worms. And I am so not doing that by hand…”

John made a squeamish face as he typed in a few hundred pounds of “Rotworm Flesh” under the fourth column of the spreadsheet he was making. It was a list of his priorities for ingredients and crafting materials, the columns labeled various things from “Core Essentials” that he couldn’t live without, all the way down to the tepid label “Don’t Salvage” that he would only actively go for if he had to pick between different types of enemies that dropped more important items.

Rotworm Flesh wound up on “Low Priority” because he’d only found a few useful recipes that needed it, and he was certain it would be as unpleasant inside of a mixture as out of it. That entire column was nothing but items that were either too niche, too costly, or gave too few benefits to be worth looking for exclusively. But on the off chance that he got extremely lucky with the drops or cleared dungeons faster than he was anticipating, he wanted to know exactly what to focus on next, instead of fumbling around for recipes or ingredient lists.

John was searching through his Crafting menu to find other uses for Emanating Bone Shards - or at least figure out what exactly they were emanating – when he heard a sound at his door. A slight jiggle of the handle, not enough to enter, but enough to test it. The handle turned halfway, then back, then the other, with a little jiggle at the end. The hairs on the back of John’s neck stiffened, his mind racing merely from the unusual movement, though he knew it was more likely to be one of the kittens toying with his door handle again than anything malicious.

The moment he began to feel that anxiety, though, the jiggling stopped completely. Then three quick knocks came, much more assertive in their presence than the unusual motions of the handle had been.

"Hello? John, can I come in for a second?"

John clenched his chest muscles to stifle the chuckle threatening to burst free. He stayed silent long enough to be sure that he could keep a straight face, though he wasn't sure it would help much against an empath like Farrah.

"Sure, come on in."

The handle turned slowly again, but once the door began to swing, it moved like lightning. Farrah slipped inside with the flexibility and speed of a cat, barely flowing around the door before she was silently swinging it shut behind her.

"Did you need something?" John asked. He kept his eyes on the spreadsheet, doing his best to temper his amusement under layers of boredom.

"Actually, I was wondering if you were moving anything around earlier… or if you heard anything loud from downstairs?” Farrah asked, her voice shockingly measured. She almost sounded nonchalant as she strode over to him and peered around his shoulder at the monitor.

"No, I don't think so. Why, did you hear a weird noise?" John tightened his lips a little before continuing, "I could go ask the Nekos if anything unusual has been going on."

"No, that's okay, it’s probably nothing. The door to my room rattled a little, and we were worried someone had slammed the door downstairs again. I didn’t feel anyone upset or hurt, but… well, better safe than sorry.” Farrah gave him a genuinely believable smile. So believable that it was concerning, actually.

“Oh? Well, that’s good. Probably just one of the kittens again,” John responded, pretending to move a few cells around in his spreadsheet. He could just see Farrah nodding in his peripheral, happily agreeing to his assertion. “Who is ‘we’, though?”

“W-we? What do you mean?” Farrah stammered, her face breaking down the moment she heard her own misplaced word echoed back at her. So much for the master of concealment.

“You said that the door to your room rattled, and ‘we’ were concerned.”

“Oh! Y-yes, Aclysia was over at the time. She heard it too, she just didn’t think it was worth bothering you over. I didn’t either, but since I woke up early, I thought that you wouldn’t mind if I just… poked in here to double check. And now I have! So I’ll just be going now, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” John said, nodding his head sagely. “You’re always welcome to poke around when the mood strikes you.”

John couldn’t help glancing at Farrah out of the corner of his eye. Farrah was slowly backing away, her eyes still locked on John as she headed for the door. Her eyebrows were furrowed, and she had an adorable look on her face as she bit one down-turned lip. Though he couldn’t see any signs of magic, it seemed obvious that she was trying to read a little more deeply into his emotions.

“Ah, yeah, I… thank you?” Farrah’s words were uncertain, and she seemed suspicious of his strange wording, but John waited until she had nearly reached the door before he played his hand.

“Which I’m guessing is probably the same thing Aclysia said to you last night.” John wanted to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t stop a tremor from entering his voice as he fought to get the last bit out. He was going to try to glance at Farrah to see her reaction, but instead, she brought it to him – the brown-haired woman’s braids flailed wildly as she stomped across the room and grabbed John by his shoulders, shaking him with enough **** to make his chair squeak.

“You did know!” Farrah said, sounding abhorred. “I knew I heard the door lock click! You were just playing with me!”

“Yeah, I was.” John grinned unabashedly as Farrah continued to rattle him around. “I honestly thought you’d catch on quicker.”

“I mean, I was suspicious,” Farrah muttered, finally releasing John. She huffed and crossed her arms, sticking out her lower lip a little as she half-turned away from John, giving him a hurt look. “Why string me along like that, then?”

“Did it worry you that I might know? Did it make you embarrassed?”

“W-well, obviously, yeah.” Farrah tightened her arms a little further, almost as if she were hugging herself.

“Well, I’m sorry for making you feel bad… but!” John emphasized the last word and swiveled his chair to face Farrah directly. He tilted his head a little, a more empathetic smile replacing the playful one. “It sounds like you might understand a little bit more of what I was talking about now, right?”

“W-what do you mean?” murmured Farrah. Some of the indignation flowed out of her face, replaced by a befuddled curiosity.

“When you and Aclysia tried to get me to show you what sex was with, er, a practical demonstration. I told you that I would’ve felt bad because you’re both so innocent to the world, and because you just learned what it was. You didn’t really understand the kind of feelings it can cause between people, or even within yourself.”

“Okay, but what does that have to do with you teasing me?” Farrah blew a strand of hair out of her face as her pout intensified.

“You both tried to get me to have sex with you, which is one of the most intimate things two people can do together. Yet you got so flustered by the thought that I might know you were having sex that you’ve probably been up all night thinking about how to ‘casually’ figure out what I knew. Am I right?”

Farrah’s lips tightened and twisted to the side as she looked away from John deliberately, avoiding his knowing eyes. “Maybe…”

“It’s because it’s a very personal thing for most people. Even the ones that are more forward and open about it usually don’t start off that way.”

“Sophia was pretty forward about it.” Farrah’s eyes twinkled a little as she recalled the drunken conversation between herself and the harpy that had started this whole ordeal off.

“She is,” John agreed. “But Lerianna gets really annoyed and flustered if you bring it up. Yvara nearly has a nervous breakdown whenever the topic comes up around me, at least lately…”

“But the Nekos really seem to like it! And, um,” Farrah’s voice fell a little after her initial interjection, a slight blush coloring her face as she continued, “Orria and you spend a lot of time in here. There’s no plants or anything, so she must be finding something for you two to do together in here, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” John nodded happily, giving Farrah the best understanding smile he could. “Everyone is different. And none of them are wrong. Whatever you decide you’re comfortable with, whatever you end up thinking about intimacy, it’s down to what’s right for you and what makes you happy. I just wanted to help you understand a little bit more about how private and intimate that kind of thing is, and I figured feeling a bit shy and embarrassed would be a surefire way to sink that in… plus, it was pretty funny.”

“Jerk.” Farrah’s lips curled up into a smile as she stared at John, her expression quickly warming. The exaggerated annoyance and pout faded quickly as she turned back to him, and when her hand found his shoulder again, it was a reassuring grip instead of a threatening one. “So, um… does that mean that you’d be okay with coming over to our room? Maybe… tonight?”

“Wait, seriously?” John froze for a second, genuinely surprised by the quick turn. “Wow. But you already have Aclysia to teach you things now, right?”

“It-it’s not just about that! I mean, I do want you to teach me, but it’s more, it’s...” Farrah said quietly, closing what little distance between them there was while giving his legs a meaningful look. John adjusted his posture slightly, not sure what to expect next – until Farrah turned herself slightly, taking a sideways seat on his lap. She smiled softly at John and reached one hand up to gently caress his cheek as she spoke again.

“I guess you’re right about teaching me by teasing me. I do understand a little bit more about how, um, personal it can be. And I think I’m even starting to see why you wanted to protect me. But, well, since I started practicing my abilities, they’ve gotten stronger. And I’m getting better at shutting out some of the ones that are weaker or further away – when I want to – but it’s still kind of like I’m always brushing up against everyone else’s mind. I know when they’re happy, or sad, or when they’re hiding something…”

Farrah’s voice fell to a whisper, and John could feel her tensing up a little bit on his lap. Her eyes fell to the floor and looked like they were wandering somewhere else, somewhere far away. John leaned forward enough to rest one of his arms across her legs, laying his hand over her right thigh as his other arm drifted across her back, cradling Farrah instinctively.

“Once I actually knew what I was feeling and started to identify what those feelings meant, I, uh, started to look back on things. A lot of things became a bit more clear in hindsight. I kind of feel dumb now for not picking up on certain things, and I feel bad for not being able to help you, or at least warn you.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” John’s hands caressed Farrah through her dress, trying to reassure her. “It’s not your fault.”

“Still, I can’t help but reflect on some of the things I felt before I knew what they were. And part of that reflection is realizing that you don’t exactly- well, you, uh,” Farrah paused for a moment, trying to find the right way to phrase herself. “The way you act and the way you ‘feel’ are pretty much the same. Minus when you’re trying to tease me, I guess.”

Farrah poked John’s chest for emphasis, and all he could do was chuckle.

“I don’t really need my ability to tell what you’re feeling most of the time. You put on a brave face sometimes for others, but you don’t play games with us, or pretend to be someone you’re not. I’ve caught you stretching the truth a few times, and maybe you don’t always tell us everything, but I’ve never felt like you weren’t being your true self.”

“That doesn’t sound right,” John said with a long sigh. “I appreciate the sentiment, Farrah, but there’s a lot I keep close to my chest. I haven’t told anyone back in the old world about Vallya and what’s going on with her because I don’t want them to worry, or to doubt that I’m ready to fight. I still haven’t told Lunaya about it either, for a lot of reasons, but especially how protective she is of the kittens. My own mother thinks I’m living in dorms somewhere, and I basically lock all my worries up inside, to the point I damn near had a panic attack when I Purified you because of how much it shocked me.”

“And in spite of that, and in spite of how I- how who I was hurt you before, you told me everything,” Farrah countered. Her posture finally softened a little, and she leaned into John, throwing her left arm around his neck and leaning into his chest. “You talked with me and Aclysia about Seras and a lot of things we asked about that you could’ve brushed off. It’s not like we had a real need to know, and now that I understand what I was feeling, I- well, I know how uncomfortable some conversations have made you. We all have secrets, John, but you’re a lot more genuine about who you are and what you think than you give yourself credit for.”

“I’ll trust your judgment on that one,” John said with a shrug. He didn’t feel deserving of her praise, but he wasn’t going to argue with it.

“I like that. I like that you’re so genuine. But it’s not just that you’re genuine, it’s that, well, I like who you are,” Farrah said simply, leaning down a little more to turn her embrace into a full on hug. Her lips brushed against John’s neck as she spoke a little more quietly, but just as passionately.

“You care a lot about all of us, John. Maybe too much, sometimes. I feel how happy everyone here makes you, how sad you are when they’re sad, how much you love the others. I know I’ve only been here a little while, but in a way, I feel like I understand parts of you no one else can. I remember what you said when you explained sex to us, how most people only do it with people that care about each other a lot. And I do, John. I care about you. I know how special it makes me feel to share myself with Aclysia, and… I want to do that with you, too. Not just to learn, or because it sounds fun, but because it’s with you.”

Farrah didn’t move when she finished talking. She just stayed silent, her head still resting on top of John’s, nuzzling gently into his hair. No words passed through John’s mind for a time, though his head was far from silent – old memories played like worn film reels, words that were not his own echoing through his mind. His hands slowly moved across Farrah’s back until his fingers intertwined behind her back, holding her in a protective way and yet almost afraid that even his grip would fail him.

“That is,” John finally began, voice slightly rough, almost raspy for a moment, “beautiful, Farrah. And I know you can tell how much it means to me.”

“But you don’t want to,” Farrah finished, her head moving against his with the barest nod.

“I do. Gaia, I want to,” John whispered, his fingers wrinkling her dress as he held her a little more tightly. “I just don’t want to regret it.”

“I thought you were worried about me regretting it,” Farrah said, a ghost of mirth touching her voice as she pulled back so that she could look John in the eyes. A look of worry passed over her when she noticed the wetness in John’s eyes; he did his best to blink it away and started talking before she could ask about it.

“I would’ve regretted making you regret it, certainly.” John **** a sickly chuckle from his lips against its will. “But I want to be sure I’m not going to feel guilty about it.”

“Guilty? About something else?”

“Yeah. I know that you’re someone new now, your own person. It’s not like when I look at you I still see Arista or anything like that, but I’d be lying if I said that I wouldn’t feel like I was… somehow taking advantage of her.” John’s chest heaved in a frustrated, defeated wheeze. “For all she did, I felt vindicated by the end of it. I wouldn’t have even Purified her if she didn’t try to get me to kill her. Consciously, I know it’s the same thing, and I know Purify doesn’t even usually create something of the same species, much less the same person, but-”

“But you think if she saw what you did, she’d be disgusted,” Farrah finished when John stumbled for words. “She’d be angry and say you used your abilities and made her into me, just to do stuff to me. Her. Whatever.”

“...Yeah. And I know that’s silly, I know you’re your own person, I just…” John threw his hands up in defeat. “I really did mean what I said about not wanting to take advantage of you, though. I just didn’t expect you to sort through things so quickly once you experienced them. Honestly, I didn’t even expect you to still be so interested in sex with me specifically. I’m sorry about all this, Farrah, it’s not your fault, it’s my issue to work through. I hope you aren’t too pissed.”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said I was happy about missing out because of whatever person I used to be,” Farrah admitted. Her throat moved in a choked swallow, but she **** a smile to her face despite her eyes now matching John’s. “But that empathy? That worry, that guilt? They’re not good things for you to be feeling, but they’re a part of what I was talking about. Part of why I like you. Just keep your promise, okay? If you ever feel like that changes – the second it does – you better let me know, okay?”

“I will. But, do you really still want to go through with it?” John asked, a little surprised. Farrah’s smile reached her eyes this time, and she nodded with her usual pep.

“Yep! I knew we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it tonight, to be honest. I just figured it would be mostly ‘cause of Aclysia. She’s still figuring out a little of what feelings are, and I know that since you’re the one who made her, you probably feel a little like you’re taking advantage of her too, right?”

“Yeah, I- wait, you want our first time together to be a… a threesome?” John’s eyes went wide with disbelief, which only made Farrah giggle a little more, the delectably sweet sound of her innocent laughter chasing away the last of the melancholy between them.

“Yeah, silly! I like both of you, you both like each other, and it would make me feel really special to get to share that bond between the three of us. Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“I was right,” John said, sounding almost weary as he let a more sincere laugh free this time. “Sixteen-year old John would have died to have you two around.”

“And what about nineteen-year old John, hmm?” Farrah said tauntingly, dragging her finger up his chest. “What does he think about us?”

“Farrah, he thinks you’re amazing. I hope you know that.”