Tea and Sympathy

“Mr Whittaker?”

“Who wants to know?” Said James’ father.

Dani had prepared herself for this and was not surprised by the man who answered the door. What she didn’t expect was the smell. The mix of body odour and cannabis that wafted past her took her breath away. His father was exactly what she expected though, fat, dirty and rude.

“I’m Miss Smith, from Carter and Winter Solicitors. These are my associates, they are licensed bailiffs, we’re here too…”

“Balifs? Ah fuck off,” he said, swiftly stepping back and pushing the door closed.

Branko was in there like a shot and slammed his hefty boot in the door, then **** it back open.

“Look, I told the council I need time to pay, I’ve made an arrangement with them and…”

“This is not about your council tax Mr Whittaker.”

He frowned at Dani, “Then what is it about?”

“If you’d have answered your summons and turned up at court you’d have known what this was about.”

“What the fuck are you going on about, I never got no summons?” he said angrily.

“That’s what they all say, I must have heard that line a thousand times. I can assure you, I dropped the letter through your door myself.”

“Well, you can fuck off and do one lady, ‘cause I never got no fucking summons, alright?”

Miroslav smiled and said, “I strongly suggest you treat the lady with respect.”

Then Branko took two steps into the house, James’ father took several more backwards.

“Thank you for inviting us in,” said Dani, confidently following Branko inside, “Is Mrs Whittaker at home?”

“No, she’s gone out to do the weekly shop. Look, what’s this about?” he said, lowering his tone.

“We’ve come to collect certain items that belong to…” Dani ran her finger down the paper on her clipboard, stopping halfway down she said, “…to a Mr James Whittaker.”

“James? But that’s my son, he would never…it’s that fucking ginger bitch ain’t it? She put him up to this.”

“I can’t reveal my client's name I’m afraid. Now, are you going to let us collect the things listed here or do I need to call the police and have you arrested for obstructing a court-appointed bailiff?”

“No, look, we don’t need the police, you can have Jimmy’s stuff. What’s left of it anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We had a break-in a couple of days ago, someone stole Jimmy’s things.”

“You expect me to believe that? If any of his things are missing we will hold you liable for them.”

“It’s the truth! Honestly, some cunt broke in and nicked his gear. I thought it was Jimmy what done it, but now you’re here I’m not so sure.”

“Did you call the police and report this alleged burglary?”

“Don’t be daft, we don’t call the fuzz round ‘ere.”

“I shall need to see his room, it’s upstairs I presume?” Said Dani and took a step towards the staircase.

James’ father brushed her aside and blocked her route, almost knocking her over. Branko was on him like a shot. The large Serbian shoved him face-first against the wall with his arm pulled painfully up his back.

“That was very silly Mr Whittaker, we can now add **** to the list of things we’ll be reporting to the police.”

“Ahhhh, fuck, you’re breaking my arm.”

Miroslav put his face close to the man's ear and calmly said, “I warned you to treat the lady with respect. Now be a good boy and stay there while we get what we need.”

He then nodded at Branko, who kept James’ Father pressed against the wall, “Shall we get the things on your list?” he said to Dani.

She nodded and went upstairs with Miroslav following behind her. She quickly found James’ bedroom, the first thing she noticed was the window. It had been covered over with a black plastic bag and sellotape, shards of glass were on the windowsill and floor.

“Looks like he did have a break-in,” said Miroslav.

“It seems that way.”

“Is what you want here?”

Dani scanned the room and almost laughed at the sight. It was tidy enough, but very much the bedroom of a teenage boy, with a shelf full of model cars, a wall full of topless models and a Playboy bunny bedspread. James had apparently done a lot of growing up very recently. Above the shelf with the cars was another shelf with several photos in random frames. In the middle was the one she was looking for, a picture of a pretty woman, James’ mother she presumed, with a young James who looked to be about five years old. In the background was a small, tired-looking rollercoaster and a candy floss kiosk. Dani got the impression the picture was taken at the seaside somewhere.

She retrieved a plastic bag from her handbag, shook it open and carefully placed the photo inside. To make it look like they were after more than just one photo, she placed the others in there too, they were mainly school photos and one was an older man who looked like it might have been his grandfather. A quick search of the rest of the room revealed nothing but clothes and nik-nacks so Dani left them where they were and then nodded to Miroslav.

“I’m done here, we can go.”

When she got downstairs Branko and James’ father were where they left them.

In perfect English, Branko said, “This one is a real scum bag. He offered to double our fee if we turned on the lady. He even kindly offered to let us **** her if we wanted.”

“Did he now?” said Miroslav quite calmly.

Dani was more surprised by Branko’s grasp of English than the news James’ father had tried to turn the Serbians on her.

“If there is one thing I hate,” said Miroslav, “It’s a ****,” then he looked at Dani, “if you don’t mind, Branko and I will stay and keep Mr Whittaker company for a little while.”

A wry smile spread across Dani’s face, “I’m happy to pay for your time while you keep him company, call me later and let me know what I owe you.”

“Oh don’t worry, this one is on us, it’ll be a pleasure.”

“Very well, and thank you,” she said and left.

The front door slammed shut behind her and before she’d taken two steps she heard the screaming start. ‘Good’, she thought, ‘the bastard deserves it’.

When she got to her car her mobile rang, she pressed the button on the centre console and the voice rang out loud.

“Dani, darling, I came all the way from Switzerland and you're not even at home? I suppose you’re at that dreary gallery of yours?”

“Sophie! Oh, it’s good to hear your voice. When did you arrive?”

“I landed this morning and came straight to see you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t at home, I had an errand to run. Are you still at my flat?”

“No, it’s okay, I’m only teasing you, I’m not at your flat, I stopped for brunch on the way from the airport. Where shall I meet you?”

“I’m heading home now, I’ll see you there in half an hour.”

“Oh there’s no need to change your plans for me, if you’re busy I can do a bit of shopping and meet you when you’re done for the day.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m not at the gallery today and besides, we need to talk, I’ve got a rather interesting proposal for you.”

“If it’s another Renoir then you can forget it, my father is still recovering from the cost of the last one you sold me.”

“Oh, this is a very different type of proposal.”

“Well in that case I’m on my way over now, TTFN darling.”

“Bye,” said Dani and headed home with a big grin on her face.

(Note from the author: TTFN means ‘ ta ta for now’, it is a thing that ultra posh types say, meaning goodbye)

---

Over a cup of tea, Emily told Jessica about how the management had told them the company was going bust and they were to be made redundant. Tea and sympathy seemed to have done much to lighten her mood. More than once Jessica had worried that Emily might be in such an emotional state, not to mention ****, that it would not be appropriate to make the proposal to her now for fear she was taking advantage of the girl. But Emily had recovered from her shock and had resigned herself to moving back home with her parents.

“More tea?” Asked Jessica.

“Yes, thank you,” said Emily with a deep sigh. “My parents are nice people, it’s the indignity of it all that makes it hard.”

“Oh, how so?”

“They didn’t want me to move to London, they said I was too young and that it was a dangerous place. I made such a fuss of being able to make it here all by myself, and now I’m going to have to go back with my tail between my legs. God, my mother will never stop saying ‘I told you so’ in that shrill voice of hers.”

Jessica handed Emily her tea and said, “You remember I said that I might have another option for you?”

“I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No, I was being quite serious. The thing is, it’s rather unconventional.”

“Ooh, sounds interesting, what is it?”

“I’m not sure where to start, I suppose the beginning is a good place. But first, let me ask you a question, am I right in thinking you’re attracted to James?”

Emily’s face went bright red, “Is it that obvious? Look, Jess, I’d never mess with another girl’s man, please don’t worry, I’m no threat and…”

“It’s okay, Emily, honestly, please don’t worry. Let me tell you how James and I came to be together and then you’ll understand my proposal. But promise me one thing, that you’ll hear me out?”

“Okay, I promise, I’ll hear you out.”

Jessica took a deep breath and sighed, “So, I was shopping in Kingston one day…”

---

In the café, Lucy listened intently while James nervously told her his story. He had just about finished when Sarah came back to the table.

“Okay,” said Sarah, “I thought I could leave you two to talk, but it turns out I’m far too nosey.”

“Good timing,” said Lucy, “Did you know about this?”

“Sort of, Jess told me a little bit about it, but I don’t know any of the details. All I know is that they’re setting up a sort of poly, with James being the only man in the group. I told Jess they should consider asking you to join.”

“Why?” Said Lucy, screwing her face up.

Sarah laughed, “Don’t play coy with me little sister, remember, I know what you’ve been getting up to. Jessica and Dani are good people, you can have fun with this thing they’re setting up and stay safe.”

“And…” said James, “you can live there too, Jess has got spare rooms in her house.”

“Wait, wait, I can live there?”

“Uh-huh,” said James with a nod.

“James, does Jess know you’re asking Lucy to live with you?”

“Yes, of course. The plan was always going to be to ask you to live with us but then we found out you were moving into your own place so we were going to suggest you live with us when the lease runs out. But now you can move straight in, Jess will be thrilled.”

“What’s the house like?” asked Lucy.

Sarah planted her hand on her forehead and sighed dramatically, “Honestly, we’re talking about you joining a group of people you’re going to have sex with and the first thing you ask is ‘what’s the house like’?”

“Hey, don’t judge me, I need a home.”

“It’s fantastic. It’s a big place, it has six bedrooms and is very modern. It’s in a gated community in Kingston. Oh, and she’s got a pool too.”

“It’s got a pool? Okay, I’m in.”

“Lucy, stop messing about, you need to think about this carefully,” said Sarah, scowling at her.

“Who’s messing about? James is hot, I was going to fuck him anyway. And this whole harem thing sounds interesting.”

“Harem?” said Sarah.

“That’s what we’re calling it,” said James.

Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Anyway,” said Lucy, “This whole Harem thing, I got to admit, it does interest me. I mean, I get a place to live, a hot guy to fuck and a bunch of other women to mess around with. It sounds ideal for me.”

“How many women are going to be in this thing?” Asked Sarah.

“Five. Jess and Dani are in, if she agrees then Lucy would make three who are confirmed. Jess is speaking to someone else we know, she’s called Emily, and Dani is going to ask her friend, Sophie, if she wants to join.”

“Sophie Wilton-Brown?” Asked Sarah.

“Yes, do you know her?”

“Yes, well, I’ve met her a few times. I know that Dani has had an on-and-off thing with her for quite a while.”

“What’s she like?” asked Lucy.

“From what I remember she was very nice, and beautiful too, like catwalk model beautiful.”

“Wow, James, you’re setting up a serious group of women here. Are you sure I’m the right fit?” Asked Lucy.

“You’re cute, beautiful, sexy as hell and a nice person. You’ll fit in perfectly.”

“Stop it, James, you’re making me self-conscious.”

“Why don’t we go over to the house now? You can have a look about and have a chat with Jess too. Then if you still want to go ahead we can move your stuff in.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Said Lucy.

“Oh well, at least you managed to find somewhere to live today,” said Sarah, who then giggled, “I just wasn’t expecting you to whore yourself out to get it.”

“Hey!” said Lucy and playfully slapped her sister. “I’m no whore, I don’t charge for it.”

“Right then, let’s eat and head over to Jess’ house,” said Sarah, “and you should try to eat something Lucy. Whore or not, I’ve got a feeling you’ll need your strength.”

“You know, I think I’ve just got my appetite back,” she said and winked at James.