It brings new understandings

Need to talk

Words that nobody in a relationship ever wanted to hear. Like an apocalyptic horseman, they heralded only bad omens.

Olivia wasn't looking at me, instead her vacant eyes stared downwards. With her hands clasped together she rubbed her thumb over her wedding ring. The simple gold band didn't have quite the same shine as it did when I first put it on her finger.

"I..." Olivia started, working through the lump in her throat. "I haven't been the best wife to you."

The words hang heavy. The implications of that statement alone were giving me chills. If I had heard them another day in my life they would still be concerning, but after last night? I could remember her being a little wild at the start of the night, but after we got to the hotel? That was mostly still a blur.

"That's not true." I said. Half to reassure her and half to reassure myself.

"I know I've been... absent lately. Focusing on, on what I needed and letting things slip with us."

Her work hours had been a strain on our relationship, but one I could bare. I desperately hoped that was the only thing she was feeling guilty about, but I suspected she was only building up to worse.

"And I... I really told myself that I was doing it for us. And I was at first! Sort of... I mean, it was for us... but looking back now, I just....."

She was trebling. Eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"I feel so stupid for risking everything we have... for, for what really? I kept telling myself that I wouldn't go further, that I'd keep firm boundaries... but every time I just let them get pushed in the moment..."

She was rambling. Talking in circles around what she really wanted to admit to. A part of me wanted to shake her and get her to just say it. I couldn't stand this anxious in-between of knowing something was wrong but not knowing what it was.

"Last night was amazing. Incredible. It was, it was more fun than any other night I spent with my guys." She finally met my eyes. Their pleading sadness crushing my heart. "It was like that because you were there. Because you were a part of it."

Last night... the way her team was treating her, was talking about her... was that what this was all about?

"I... I can't go on keeping it a secret from you anymore. I don't want to hurt you but leaving it any longer is just going to make things worse." She paused, taking in a breath, struggling to get the words out.

"I've....with, with my team...I've been-"

"I know." I told her. Putting her out of her misery. Instead of calming though, it just made her pale.

"You... you know?" She was eerily still now, but not shocked. Like she'd been bracing herself for this potential. "Then... you heard...."

"Chase explained everything to me last night." Horror slowly crept over her face.

"E-everything?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my finger over my wedding ring. Feeling the weight of it, the history in it with every scratch or bump. "He told me the, umm, the 'way' they treat you. That you let them touch you, encourage it. The way they talk about you... he even shared a couple, uhmm, 'stories'.

"What stories." She was like a deer in headlights. Blinded my the metaphorical truck that was speeding at her, likely silently praying it would break before slamming into her.

"You staying back late because they guys wanted to "rearrange your insides."... that kind of stuff."

"Oh." Horror was giving way to confusion. Had she expected me to be angrier about this? To storm off in a rage?

"I'm not..." I started, then changed my thought. "I don't like that you didn't tell me. That you kept it a secret."

"I'm sorry... I really didn't mean for it to go that far..."

I could imagine how it would have progressed. Her wanting the team of more experienced guys to trust he, wanting them to think of her as one of them. Small comments building to the elaborate stories. Light touching becoming a little bit more.

"But it did. It is what it is now, and you haven't stopped it." That almost seemed to wound her. The quite firmness of my words hurting more than any amount of anger could have.

"No." She said. Soft, meek.

"Because it was good for us, good for your career? Or because you didn't want it to stop."

"Both." She said. Eyes level with mine. Then after just a moment she broke, eyes darting down to the floor."but.... but mostly."

"Mostly?"

"I didn't want to stop."

There was a finality in her words. They would have fit perfectly in the moments before a guillotine dropped. Did she think this was it? That we were over?

"Good.' I said. "Because I don't want you to stop either."

It took a moment for her to process the words. Her brain likely triple checking she heard them correctly.

"I hate that you kept this from me. That you didn't feel comfortable telling me about it. But that's alright."

"But... are you sure?"

"You said it. Last night was amazing. Just like the fun we used to have when we were dating... only more!"

She looked a little shocked to hear me talking like this, but it was true in my mind. Yeah we didn't do anything with people we knew or on a long term basis before, but this wasn't that much of a step up. It wasn't like they were really fucking her or anything, just fooling around.

"You... you like it?"

"So long as you don't hide anything from me, keep me informed and come home with as much passion as you had this morning! I don't mind if you and the guys 'fool around' a little."

She dove onto me. Pushing me down onto the bed with an aggressive hug.

"You're the most amazing man ever!" She was squealing with the giddiness of a schoolgirl. "I love you so. so. so. so. much!"

With each so she planted a kiss on my lips. It was nice but the motion flailed up the pain in my head and made me grunt.

"Oh sorry babe! Let me get some ice for that bump!"

She bounced up and walked over into the kitchen. My eyes wanted to focus on her ass as she walked away, but her wording snagged my thoughts.

"Wait, bump?"

"You remember." She yelled, out of the room. "Being so drunk you fell over in the bathroom."

Right.... it was coming back to me now... I ran off the toilet and hit my head... because.... because before that....

"You know, I do wish I could have told you the truth before you found out." She came back in, bag of peas at the ready. "But it was actually good Chase told you first."

She gently placed the peas on my forehead. The chilling cold bag doing little to ease my pain. She caressed my cheek and I could feel her ring brush against it.

Looking at it now, up close as she stroked my face, I realised that it hadn't lost its shine. I'd thought it had a polished finish like mine, but instead their was a texture to it. The imperfections there from the start, and not from a shift over time.

How had I missed that, for all these years?

"It was better you hear it from him, than accidentally overhearing us."