Then I overthink about the things I'm missing

Kim’s eyelids felt glued together. She knew she had to wake up, but her body felt too tired to listen to what her mind wanted.

That didn’t matter at all, though. So she forced her body to wake up and dragged herself out of bed. She needed to get to work today.

“Kim? What are you doing up?” Mary entered the room just as Kim reached the door. She had a disapproving look on her face that reminded Kim of her mother.

“I-I gotta get to work,” she stammered. “You know, my job?”

“No!” Mary put her foot down. “You’re a mess! You barely got up this morning, and you already missed breakfast!”

Kim held her hand over her stomach to suppress the rumbling feeling inside. She blanched and shook her head.

“I’ll get a bite to eat on my lunch break. I know I’m looking a little ragged, but I’m fine. My body will acclimate back to my old schedule before you know it. Right now, though, I have to go.”

“Actually, you don’t.”

Kim looked past Mary and saw that a certain someone was standing in the hallway.

“What do you want?” Kim made a sour expression at the sight of the blonde actress. “I’m busy right now.”

“I see what you mean, Mary,” Rose sighed, shaking her head. “She’s falling apart, huh?”

That’s when Kim realized that Rose wasn’t just here by coincidence or to tease her. She turned to her buddy, confused. Mary blushed.

“I-I knew that when you woke up, you’d probably try to force yourself to go to work again,” she mumbled. “And I know, it’s not literally killing you, but… more of this won’t be good, Kim. You can take a break every once and a while! At least… at least for today, right? That way, you’ll have a chance to rest up, and prepare for your date with Nick!”

“Imagine that,” Rose whistled. “Mary here helping someone else out on their date!”

Mary shot her a disapproving look. Rose raised her hands in defeat.

“Even if I wanted to take a break, I can’t,” Kim said, shaking her head. “Because of my transformation, I have to-!”

“Didn’t it say you have to work part-time?” Mary asked, confused. “I-I’ve only worked on my parents’ farm, but this doesn’t feel like part-time.”

Kim shook her head. “It’s not that simple. Look, my schedule… aargh, it doesn’t matter! I can’t just take a day off!”

She looked desperately at Mary, pleading with the other girl to understand. It wasn’t like she wanted to do this job all day. But it was her responsibility. She didn’t have a choice.

“Well, what if you could? Take a day off, I mean.”

Kim turned to Rose with an incredulous look on her face. “What?”

“Did you forget?” Rose tittered. “There’s someone here who can take your place. Or, at least… copy your transformation.”

It took a second for Kim to register that.

“Wait, what?!”

“When I went downstairs for breakfast, I ran into Rose,” Mary explained. Her cheeks were a little red from shame. “I-I know I should have talked to you first, but… you were asleep. And it would have been too late then.”

“She asked me if I could use my transformation to copy yours for the next day,” Rose explained. She winked at Kim. “So you can consider me your able-bodied substitute! I’ll work in the boutique in your stead today, so you can rest up and get ready for… oh. Wow.”

The elevator from the Master’s Suite dinged open, and Gina limped out. Her hair was a mess and she looked almost as tired as Kim did, and the only thing she wore was her leather jacket; the rest of her clothes were in tatters in her arms.

“…Uh… g’morning.” Gina awkwardly waved at the three shocked girls as she passed them in the hall, heading towards her own room.

It took a second for the conversation to get back on track after that. Rose cleared her throat and returned to the topic like the professional she was.

“So, uh, as I was saying, Mary asked me if I could lend a hand, and I figured why not? I still owe you two a lot for all the stuff I did last week, so I thought this would be a good way to help make amends.” She stepped forward and placed her hand on Kim’s shoulder.

“Kim, it’s fine. You don’t have any responsibilities for today. All you have to do is get prepared for your date with Nick. Just leave it up to me.”

“I-I can’t believe it…” Kim mumbled, turning to Mary. The thought that Mary would ask for help from someone she didn’t get along with, all for her sake… “…And Sylvia’s okay with this?”

Rose nodded. “She was thrilled, actually! …A little too much so, if you ask me,” she added under her breath. “Said something about ‘hopefully this giving you some more time to think’. Speaking of which, have you guys gotten any ideas about what you want Nick’s transformation to-“

Before she could finish her sentence, Rose winked out of existence. Apparently, it was time for work.

Team Virgin stared at the spot where the actress had been standing for a few seconds before coming to their senses and turning to one another.

“So, um… I-I’ll pick you up breakfast,” Mary promised. “Please… get some rest? It’s going to be a long night.”

Kim couldn’t argue with those pleading eyes. As much as it pained her to pass off her responsibilities onto someone else, she appreciated the gesture from both women. She nodded, yawned, and returned to bed.

---

It was noon by the time Kim woke up. A few cups of yogurt sat beside her on the nightstand, a gift from a certain farm girl.

Wow… I mean, wow. She couldn’t believe how relieved she felt. It was like she’d been asleep for a whole day. She sat up and grabbed a cup of yogurt, strawberry chocolate cheesecake flavor, and devoured it with glee, all the while thinking about what she wanted to do with her remaining free time.

When Kim first came to the island, she’d gone a little stir-crazy. It was hard, adapting to not having any responsibilities or obligations. She spent most of her time hanging out with Mary and Holly, or walking through the garden. In that sense, having a job had almost given her something familiar to cling onto.

Now, though? Now she wasn’t sure what to do with herself.

I have to be at the Master’s Suite by six, so that leaves me a little over five hours to get ready. But what should I do? Indeed, even after being freed from her obligations with the help of Mary and Rose, Kim was still goal-oriented. She focused on what she had to do, pleasing Nick.

To that end, she had never planned anything like that before.

I had that dream… I know what he wants from me. A nice date on the beach. But how should I make that good for him?

She frowned. If I don't know what to do, there’s always that option.

Kim was loathe to ask for assistance. But she didn’t have a choice. “Sylvia, you’re listening in right now, right?” She asked with a scowl, looking around her empty bedroom.

“Of course I am.” Sylvia popped into existence with a smile on her face. “What can I do for you, my girl? Are you enjoying your day off?”

Kim glared at her in response. But now wasn’t the time to get upset.

“Can you pass a message to Nick?” She asked.

Sylvia raised her eyebrow. This was new. “Oh?”

“Tell him that I’ll be waiting for him on the beach. At 5:30… no, 5:15. That should give us enough time together before curfew. I’d do it myself, but…”

This just seemed more romantic. Just a step away from writing a love letter.

“I see… that is something, alright…” Sylvia nodded, her eyes shining. “Of course, I’ll be happy to pass on the message! I’m so glad to see you’re making progress on getting into the game!”

Kim made a sour expression. Her feelings weren’t a game.

Sylvia apparently picked up on that, because she prepared to excuse herself. “I’ll go pass on the message. I’m sure he’ll be looking forward to what you have planned. Assuming you’re prepared for a romantic night, of course!”

That was just it. Kim didn’t really have anything planned. Simply put, her experience with boys was nonexistent. She’d never tried to appeal to them, she didn’t even watch romance movies. Love had been so far from her life before meeting Nick that she might have even less of an idea what to do than Mary.

So when Sylvia left, she approached things rationally. In that sense, she looked at her current situation like she was getting used to a job she’d never done before.

If I don't have experience with something, then the best thing to do is get advice from someone who does. That had always held true in the workplace. Kim didn’t just plow ahead assuming she knew best. She listened to her more experienced coworkers and took their feedback.

Wait… that’s it!

There was someone here who she could go to. They might even be happy to help, even given certain circumstances.

Kim got fully dressed, changing into one of her standard sexy school uniforms, and headed to the room across the hall.

When she saw what outfit Carly was wearing today, she had a sinking feeling in her chest.

Carly’s cosplay outfit looked like a schoolteacher. Or, more accurately, an overly-sexy schoolteacher. She wore a tight purple skirt and a purple corset top that revealed her bountiful cleavage, with her modesty just barely conserved by a lab coat. The only way Kim recognized that the girl was cosplaying as an anime character was from her hair, which was long and messy and colored like raspberries.

Thankfully, it looked like the model was doing much better compared to yesterday. She had a healthier complexion, her eyes were brighter, and she was actually smiling.

“Oh, hello there!” Carly smiled.

“G-Good morning,” Kim greeted her with an awkward smile in return, not one of her best. She didn’t really know how to act around Carly; they had barely interacted with one another in their time on the island, and if Kim was being honest, of all the women she had met since coming here, she probably liked Carly the least. Even with the things Rose had done, she’d done them for a reason Kim understood; taking care of her family.

Carly… something about her just rubbed Kim the wrong way. But at the same time, she was aware that it was due to her own grudge. Carly hadn’t actually done anything. She was just a beautiful woman who had been smart enough to find a marketable way to trade on that beauty. Maybe if Kim hadn’t been born so plain-looking, she might have considered doing the same.

Knowing her feelings were based on resentment and not on anything real, Kim composed herself, swallowing down her irrational grudge, and approached the other woman directly. Maybe they could even be friends if she got to know her better.

“I, um… I came here to… to…”

For some reason, the words just didn’t come out. Kim felt like she was back in high school; all the popular girls ignored her, and she ignored them. But the few times when she’d had to speak to someone with such a dominating presence, she’d always shirked away.

It was a strange contradiction. Kim could hold her own with even the most abrasive customers when she was behind the counter, serving as a representative of the store. But when it came to interacting as Kim, well… expressing her own desires had rarely come easy for her.

“You want my help, right?”

Kim felt herself relax, knowing Carly understood where she was coming from. “You… that’s right, yeah, I need your help. I have my date with Nick tonight, and well…”

“Awup, say no more.” Carly raised her hand. “Frankly, I was expecting this.”

“Y-You were?”

“Of course I was. You came to me because of my transformation, right? Veteran Experience?”

“…AH!” Kim gasped in realization. That’s right, it had completely slipped her mind! “N-No, I thought… well, I mean… look, it’s not like I came here to take advantage of your transformation or anything, I swear!”

Carly raised her eyebrow. “Take… advantage?”

“Believe me, I wouldn’t do that!” Kim shook her head frantically. “I just thought that you’d be the best person to ask, since you’ve actually had sex with him! Gina has too, but she looked really worn-out this morning, so before I knew it, I was coming to get advice from you! But I promise, I don’t want to force you to help me with your transformation! I know how awful it is, to feel compelled to do something you don’t want to! If I’d known…”

“Okay, stop, stop.” Carly raised her hand again. “Kim, you’re fine. Believe me. I don’t think you’re trying to take advantage of me.”

Kim sighed in relief. “Really? Oh, good…”

“Rather, you’re the one that’s been taken advantage of.”

“…Eh?”

Carly sighed and picked up her tablet, showing Kim the full details of her transformation.

Veteran Experience: Carly has been in the business of pleasing people with her appearance for quite some time. She’s what you might call an expert. And she’ll be happy to share that expertise with her fellow contestants! Other contestants will feel compelled to come seek out Carly’s advice for how to look more sexy and appeal better to Nick’s tastes, and Carly will give them her honest opinion. (Content Creator)

“See?” Carly pointed to the one of the lines. “You’re the one who felt compelled to come seek me out. You must have been pretty worried about your date, huh?”

Kim blushed and nodded. “I-I was,” she admitted. “I mean… I know we had those dates planned out our first week here, but…”

“Oh, you mean your little date to the Botanical Garden and the Amusement Park, the one the audience voted best date by a landslide?” Carly teased. “Sounds to me like maybe I should be going to you for advice!”

“Th-That was-!” Kim turned red, not sure what to say. “Okay, yes, I did have my date voted most popular, and Nick really seemed to like it, but… that was just a coincidence! I did what I wanted to do, and it just sort of… worked out. That doesn’t mean that things will be as easy if I see him tonight! Our last night together, that was… well, it was boring! We just sat around watching a porno parody of a cop show! Isn’t dating… it’s supposed to be more exciting and romantic, right?”

Carly shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’m not really much for the ‘dating’ part. I don’t really plan things out, I just go and have fun. Anyway, come in, you look like you’re going to fall over.”

As Kim entered the blue room, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Yikes, she really did look like a mess. One day of sleeping in wasn’t enough to make up for her past few days of exhaustion.

“Now then, I think we should begin at the root of the problem.” Carly took a chair from the desk and pulled it over to sit on, while Kim hung her legs over the bed.

“The… root?”

Carly waved her hand. “Not all your problems, I mean. But this anxiety you have about your upcoming date. Let’s see what we can do to fix that. Go with me here?”

“…Okay…” Kim nodded obediently. If Carly could help, then she was at least willing to listen to whatever the other girl suggested.

“Let me ask you something first. Do you always get nervous?” Carly asked.

“Before a date? Yeah.”

“No, before anything.”

“I, uh…” Kim wasn’t sure what she meant by that. “…A big chunk of my life has been spent working shitty jobs, I don’t really have an ‘anything’.”

“Okay, shitty jobs it is,” Carly shrugged. “Before going to work at… I don’t know, what was your last job? Before coming here, I mean.”

“I was working at a gas station.”

“Okay, great. So before your first shift, were you feeling nervous?”

Kim shook her head. “Of course not. I've worked at gas stations before, I could do that job in my sleep. …Wait, is that what this is about? Because I have so much experience doing my job, I’m not nervous. So if I get more experience with dating, then I won’t be so nervous?”

Carly forced a smile onto her face and sighed, shaking her head. “Oh, would that that were true… sadly, nerves and anxiety aren’t something easily overcome just with experience. Believe me, I know.”

Kim’s eyes widened. Carly seemed like the last person in the world to let her nerves get to her. She acted like she was up for anything.

“See, when I first started doing cosplay, I was actually really nervous,” Carly explained. “I was always asking myself ‘what if they don’t like it?’ or ‘what if my costume isn’t very good?’ or even ‘what if they don’t think I’m hot enough?’ And you know how I eventually got over those feelings?”

“…You got used to it?” Kim guessed.

Carly shook her head. “Nope. I got better at it. If you’re terrible at something, and you know you’re terrible at something, it doesn’t matter if you’ve done it a hundred times, a thousand times, you’re still going to be nervous before you do it. Heck, even if you only think you’re bad at it, you’re still going to have doubts. Luckily, I’m smoking hot, so the positive feedback I got helped me overcome my nerves pretty damn quick. Unfortunately, it’s not going to be as simple for you.”

Kim made a sour face.

“Wait, that’s not what I meant,” Carly quickly changed course. “It’s not that I’m saying you’re not hot, what I mean is that the positive feedback I got for showing my body off to customers doesn’t exactly translate well to your issue. It’s not like looking hot will make you better at your job, right?”

Now it was Kim’s turn to sigh. “See, you’d like to think that way, but…”

Carly winced. “Ah, yeah. You’re right, bad example. But you understand my point? You don’t get nervous when it comes to doing your job, because, like you said, you can do that sort of thing in your sleep. But dating’s different, right?”

Kim considered that. “Well, I mean… of course it is. Following instructions, putting on a smile to draw in the customers, I’m fine with all that. But when it comes to Nick… I don’t know, I just get anxious.”

“See, and that’s where we need to work on your confidence,” Carly pointed out. “Me? I never get nervous when I go on a date. You know why? Because I know how hot I am.”

This is really not helpful advice.

“Look, when you’re going on a date, you want to make the other person like you, right? That’s the goal. Get them, in this case, Nick, to enjoy themselves so much that they want to see you again for a next date. But, well…” Carly stood up and gestured at her sexy body. “…Most guys are going to want a second date. I know that I’m the one with the power in that situation. Whether we have another date or not is totally up to me. So since I don’t have to worry about screwing things up, I have nothing to be nervous about beforehand, you get me? …I mean, unless the guy turns out to be a serial killer or a rapist, but that’s what pepper spray is for.”

Kim was getting a very dark look at the dating game, and she didn’t like what she saw.

“So you’re saying the reason I’m so nervous…”

“It’s because you’ve subconsciously placed Nick on a pedestal, that’s my guess,” Carly nodded. “And I mean, I get it. You’re both kind of average-looking, but he’s older, he’s got his own income from his book, and most importantly, he’s got eight other girls after him.”

And all of them are prettier than me. Was it any wonder that Kim felt insecure and uncertain about how tonight was going to go? I wish I’d gotten that Most Popular transformation. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this, Nick would have seen me as one of the most beautiful girls here.

Kim’s insecurities were causing her to doubt herself even more.

“Let’s face facts. If Nick wanted to, he could have most of the women on this island. Maybe even multiple at once,” Carly continued. “Can any girl compete with that? Pfft. No. So I can understand why you’re getting nervous about pleasing him. But let me ask you something, did he have fun on your date together?”

Kim remembered Nick’s smiling face as they walked through the garden, and later that night at the amusement park. She nodded.

“And what about the week after that, when you were watching those cop shows?”

Again, Nick had been smiling. Kim nodded a second time.

“So why do you think he won’t enjoy himself tonight?”

“B-Because…” Kim clutched the hem of her skirt.

Because he’s already had sex with you and Gina. For me to still not put out after that… Kim felt like she needed to do something to stay in Nick’s mind. Sure they’d had a few romantic moments, but while she was getting to know him and what he liked, the other girls were already racing ahead. It wouldn’t be long before Dakota got her hooks in him, and Rose and Dawn probably weren’t far behind. The only girls she didn’t have to fear going faster than her with Mary and Dani, and they each had their own appeals to him that made up for their shortcomings.

Kim didn’t have anything like that. It was the whole reason she’d purchased that dream in the first place, so she could see what he wanted from her. And yet, even after that vision, she still felt doubtful about her chances.

While Kim struggled to find a way to explain her doubts to Carly that she could be comfortable with, the other woman studied her.

“Let me ask you something else.” Kim glanced up, surprised at the interruption. Carly had a playful smile on her lips.

“Do you know the two kinds of people that make cosplay on LonelyFans?”

“Uh…” Not a clue.

“Well, it’s a little theory I have, and I think it applies to all types of art in general,” Carly continued. “There are two types of creators. The first type of creator is the kind who carefully studies the trends and what’s popular, and tailors what they’re doing to meet those trends. Say, if an anime series is currently airing that a lot of people are into, they’ll cosplay as one of the characters to meet that hype. The second kind, they just do what they want. They cosplay the characters that they personally feel passionate about. Both styles have their ups and downs. Me personally, I’m the second type. It doesn’t matter how popular the character I’m cosplaying is, if I want to cosplay as them, then I will. And I let my passion speak for me.”

She offered Kim a lopsided grin. “And hey, I’m not the most successful star on the site, but I do alright.”

“So… what are you trying to tell me?” Kim asked, not sure what this had to do with anything.

“I think maybe you’re that type too,” Carly said, stroking her chin thoughtfully. “Or maybe it’s too soon to tell. I mean, you are fairly calculating, right?”

Kim frowned.

“Don’t be upset, it’s a compliment! It means you have a lot of awareness of the wants of people around you. And it’s not like I know for sure or anything, I’m just saying that because you’ve done so well with all these jobs, you must have a really good understanding of what your bosses and your customers want from you,” Carly explained. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess you could think of it that way,” Kim nodded.

“So what about your dates?” Carly asked. “Did you plan those out based on what you thought Nick would want to do, trying to make the best date possible? Or did you do what you wanted to do?”

“I…” Kim remembered Nick’s encouraging words, urging her to let loose and do what she wanted. “I guess I… yeah, I did what I wanted, but-!”

“No buts.” Carly shook her head. “You did what you wanted, and he liked it. So maybe you’re the first type after all. If you just do what you want to do, like me, without all this worrying about whether or not it will be a ‘good date’, then I think Nick will pick up on that. Because he’s the kind of guy that can have a good time as long as you’re having a good time, you know?”

Kim noted the whimsical smile on Carly’s face. It seemed like all her issues from the previous day were completely gone.

“Yeah, I guess… I guess you’re right,” she admitted. Nick had seemed his happiest when she cut loose and had fun.

“Great!” Carly clapped her hands together. “Now, let’s figure out how we can make tonight fun for the both of you!”

Kim swallowed and nodded. Apparently, they were just getting started.