A conversation over sushi.

“So… you’ve never used chopsticks before?” Noelle asked me.

“Never,” I answered. Nevertheless, I tried.

Sushi places are pretty common, it turns out. We didn’t have to look hard to find at least three, so we went into the one that looked the cleanest.

It was a bit embarrassing to have Noelle watch me struggle with the chopsticks. I tried grabbing one of the rolls, but I just couldn’t do it.

“Just use your hands,” she told me with a reassuring smile. “I don’t mind.”

“...Sorry.” I gave up. I grabbed one of the rolls, dipped it in soy sauce and tried it.

“How is it?” Noelle asked.

I swallowed. “Good. Slightly bland, but I guess that’s what the soy sauce is for. Still, not bad at all.”

She giggled. “I like it a lot. I don’t know what it is, but the light flavors agree with me.”

We were out on the back terrace at a table for two. We placed a single order with a plethora of different sushi rolls to try. Noelle said she liked them all, so I could have whichever I wanted.

I cleaned my hands with a napkin, and while I was doing that, Noelle caught me by surprise.

“H-Hey, Oliver? Thanks for coming with me today.” She was looking down at the table, yet she smiled with red cheeks. “I… probably wouldn’t have come if I’d been alone.”

I felt my own chest tightening. “...Same here. I didn’t know this was happening, but I wouldn’t have come even if I did.” I smiled. “But this has been fun. I’m glad I came. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Can I say something? I’m… surprised you’re talking so much today.” Her face turned to horror the moment the words left her. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! That sounded much worse than I thought!”

Much to my surprise as well as hers, I started laughing. “I AM talking more, aren’t I?” I shook my head. “Sorry. I probably looked like an anti-social creep to you.”

“No! That’s not…!”

“It’s fine,” I said, smiling wryly. “That’s probably how a lot of people see me. I’ve been told that to my face, even. That doesn’t mean I like it, or that I’m okay with it. That’s why… I’m trying to change. Sorry if it ever seemed like I was ignoring you. I was… too afraid to speak.”

“Afraid?”

I nodded. “Afraid to get laughed at, afraid to be a bother. Afraid of everyone. I know it sounds pathetic, but I couldn’t help it.”

Noelle fervently shook her head. “It’s not pathetic. I… I get it. I know how it is.”

“Really? You don’t seem afraid of speaking to people.”

“It’s… gotten better recently, but I still get nervous in front of strangers.” She let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “Sometimes I avoid going to stores or restaurants because I don’t want to interact with cashiers and waiters.”

Ugh. That hit close to home.

“But… I tried something recently,” she continued. “I did it out of curiosity and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. After that, I feel like talking to people is not that big a deal.”

“Can I ask what that something was?”

“...” Noelle pursed her lips and looked down at her knees. She was struggling.

“No, forget it. I’m not going to push you to tell me. Don’t worry.”

“S-Sorry, it’s just… I’m not comfortable telling anyone yet.” Her cheeks went bright red again. She looked straight at me with an intense gaze. “Oh, but it’s nothing… weird, okay? Nothing like…!”

I lightly tilted my head. “Like what?”

“N-Never mind.”

Only in hindsight did I realize that Noelle thought I might believe she was doing something… naughty. That didn’t even cross my mind at the time, though.

“I think I can understand what that’s like. I mean, realizing that talking is not that big a deal,” I continued the previous topic. “You can never stop people from judging you over what you say and what you do, but… Taking chances can be worth it.”

“Taking chances?”

I smiled. “If I hadn’t said yes when the basketball coach asked me to take over as team manager for a few days last semester, I wouldn’t have met Thomas. If I hadn’t gone to his birthday party some months ago, I wouldn’t have met Mila, Grace and Sarah. If I hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t have a job now. It’s all because I… dared to do something.”

It was still shocking to think how much my life had changed in such a short time, and it was even more overwhelming to think how long I still had to go. There was so much more I had to improve on, lots of challenges that still awaited. Going through university, earning my own livelihood, maybe… maybe starting a family one day. Some of these things were further off than others, but they would come.

Then I caught what I was doing. Talking too much about myself wasn’t something I enjoyed, and I had the feeling most people dislike it when others do it.

“Sorry,” I said, trying to laugh it off. “That was a bit much.”

Why did I go on like that? It was strange, but… I felt like Noelle was really easy to talk to, like she understood. Still…

“No, no. I… I think you’re right. You don’t experience new things by saying no to everything. That’s what my parents always tell me, but it can be really scary.”

“Right?”

“...” Noelle pursed her lips and started fidgeting. “Oliver?”

“Hm?”

“C-Can you keep a secret?”

I grimaced lightly. “I can. I can promise that. But… are you sure you want to tell me?”

“I… want to tell someone. I’ve wanted to for a while, but it’s… embarrassing.”

“You haven’t told Isabelle or Alice?”

Noelle shook her head.

“Why?”

“It’s… somehow more embarrassing to tell people who know you better. It’s like, they have this image of you that could get distorted if they knew I…”

Noelle swallowed as she stared down at the table.

“If you want to get it out, I promise not to tell anyone. Not to my sister or any of my friends.”

“...” Noelle let out a long sigh. She looked at me with red cheeks and finally revealed her secret. “I’m… a video game streamer.”

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