Inaction or...?

“Oliver.” A tap on my shoulder woke me up from my thoughts. Beside me, I saw Thomas pointing to a tray with a hamburger, fries, and a soda sitting on the counter of the usual burger place. “That one’s yours.”

“Ah. Sorry.” I picked it up and followed him, Ben and Kevin to a table. We sat down and I looked at the tallest of the group. “Thanks for treating us, Kevin.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Thomas agreed. “And with bigger fries and soda, too. Aren’t you feeling generous.”

“What can I say? I want to share the love,” he said dreamily.

“Talked to her today?” Ben asked him.

“Yeah. About absolutely nothing important,” Kevin said with the biggest grin ever.

“...What?” Thomas and Ben asked, confused.

I chuckled. “I’m happy for you.”

“See? Oliver gets it!” Kevin threw his hands at me.

“What’s so great about talking about nothing important that you’d smile like an idiot?” Ben asked.

“It’s the greatest fucking feeling in the world, that’s what. We were only talking about the assignments we had for next week and this show we’re both watching, and just from that, I felt like my chest was gonna explode, man! There was this… energy between us. We couldn’t stop smiling.”

“Oh, that’s what you meant.” Thomas laughed. “Yeah, I get why you’d be on cloud nine, then.”

“Still don’t get it,” Ben said.

“Then you’ve never been in love.” Kevin sighed and put a sympathetic hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. Love will find you eventually.”

“Alright, you’re starting to get way too sappy. Have some consideration for Thomas, dude.”

Thomas himself had a goofy grin as he shrugged. “I don’t mind. Let him enjoy it.”

“No, he has a point,” Kevin said, shaking his head. “You seem to be doing well, but how are you really?”

Thomas let out a soft groan. “I’m fine so long as I keep myself busy. If I don’t do anything I start thinking about her. It’s not as bad as it was at first, but still. But seriously, it cheers me up to hear you guys are doing well. And on that note, Ben, when are you getting a girlfriend?”

“Good question.” Kevin looked at me and gave me some context. “This guy has been single for six months.”

…

And that was weird? If you start counting from high school freshman year, I’d been single for three years. It’s worse if you start counting from middle school. But I guess I was the odd one out.

“I don’t need a girlfriend right now.” Ben shrugged. “I want to focus on boxing this year. Guys at the gym are getting way ahead of me. Besides, I’m doing well on my own.”

“Alright, I can understand that,” Thomas said.

“How…” I spoke without thinking, and regretted it after the first word came out. It was a question I had no place asking. But Thomas looked at me with an easy smile.

“Just ask, man.”

Sarah said I needed to learn to say the things I wanted, when I wanted. It was possible that the worries would never cease, but I couldn’t let them stop me every time.

“H-How many girls have you guys dated?” I asked.

Thomas was the first to answer, and he did so easily. “Four. My first girlfriend asked me out in middle school. Then I dated a classmate in high school freshman year. Then…” he sighed. “I had a thing with a girl during summer vacation between sophomore and junior year. Only lasted that summer because she was from another country. Then I started dating Lyla.”

I think hearing Thomas openly talk about it made the other two more comfortable.

“Huh. I’ve dated four, too,” Kevin said. “All during High School. One in freshman year, two in sophomore year, one in junior year.”

“I’ve dated three,” Ben said. “All in High School as well.”

Huh. Numberwise, it… wasn’t that different to Grace and Sarah. I guess I really was the odd one out? Everyone was out there making the most out of school life while I stayed cooped up in my room for most of it.

“How about you, Oliver?” Kevin asked me. “How many girls have you dated?”

“...None,” I answered with a humorless chuckle.

“But… Okay, let me ask this,” Ben started. “You hang out with Sarah, Grace and Milana, right? And you said they’ve been sending you signals?”

I flinched. “I… I think so?” I didn’t want to reveal much, and Thomas beside me wasn’t saying anything.

“Who of the three are you into, though? Or who are you going to pick? Because… Shit, I don’t know if I should say this.”

“You already started,” Thomas told him. “What do you know?”

Ben sighed. “There’s these three guys from the volleyball club I’m friends with. They’ve been talking to your three friends for some time. Mostly at parties,” he told me. “And speaking of parties, they’re all going to a party this Friday. I know because we got invited as well.” Ben pointed to Thomas, Kevin and himself. “I get the feeling they want to ask them out. They might even make a move this Friday.”

My chest felt colder than ice. It was the party I refused to go to just this morning. Grace, Mila and Sarah would go there, dance, drink and…!

…

…

The ice in my chest slowly began to melt. Grace’s words echoed in my mind. If it had been before, those words alone wouldn’t have calmed me down. I would still be scared shitless that… that they could be taken away from me, that someone better than me showed up and made them realize how pathetic I was. But what had happened this morning wasn’t an empty exchange of words.

“What?” Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow. “And these three guys all like a different girl from that group?”

“Yeah. Actually, they started hanging out BECAUSE Sarah, Grace and Milana are always together. They think they'll have a better shot if they try together.”

Grace wasn’t going there to hook up or flirt with guys. She told me that, and I felt in my bones that she meant it. She said the same went for Sarah and Mila, and if someone knew those two enough to say that, it was Grace.

They weren’t going to be taken away from me this Friday. Even if these guys were people they knew, even if they were attractive, even if they actually were better than me, the girls wouldn’t jump into their arms like characters in a badly written cuckold porn movie.

“And what makes you think they’re making a move now?” Kevin asked.

“Well, they’ve been all jittery and nervous thinking about this party,” Ben explained.

But it could be the start of something. An idea could start forming. A small possibility of another path. Small at first, but growing with each passing day.

“Oliver? You look pale…” Kevin said.

“H-Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing, man,” Ben said, laughing awkwardly. “Forget I said that. These guys have been talking about making a move for months and still haven’t done anything. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

It could be nothing, yeah. It was very possible. It was extremely likely that the girls would go to the party and everything would continue like it had for the past week for us. We’d continue having sex, talking, and growing closer. However… there was a chance, however small, that something else could happen. And if it did, and I did nothing about it, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

I stood up and shot the group an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I need to do something now. I… I’m sorry for leaving like this after you invited me, b-but…!”

“Dude,” Keving stopped me. “Go.” He pointed with his thumb towards the door.

Thomas gave me a hard, painful pat on the back. “Don’t you fucking pussy out, you hear?”

My chest tightened with so many emotions I couldn't tell them apart. All I could do was answer with a nod and bolt out of the burger shop. I knew where to go.

It was possible that whatever I did changed nothing. As before, the chance that doing something could even make things worse was still there. But if I let this sit, if I didn’t do the one thing my very being was screaming at me to do, and it turned out that the worst outcome came to happen, I…

Whatever happened after this, I wouldn’t let inaction ruin my life again.

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