The Secret of Riverdale Starts to Revealed

It wasn't until they had opened the front door before Betty felt it safe to sigh, "We made it!"

"Maybe not," Archie said behind her.

Big Moose was charging down the sidewalk. He stopped, trying to remember what he was so angry about. Then he remembered!! And he went charging up the sidewalk! He had passed the steps to the house before he saw them. He turned and charged up the walkway!

Archie remembered he was a linebacker with the highest kill the quarterback score in the state! He tried to go back inside, but Betty grabbed his arm so he couldn't.

"Duh, have you seen Reggie?!!" the angry hulk asked. "I caught him on a date with my girl, Midge!! If he had held a football or Reggie's head between his hands, they would have popped!

Frightened but wanting to make a difference, Betty told him, "The only reason Reggie wants to date Midge is because of you, Moose!"

"Duh?? Because of me??"

"Reggie's superior inferiority complex demands he go after what he can't - and shouldn't - have: It's the Forbidden Fruit effect!"

"For bidding fruit?? Like in an auction??"

"Like the one in the Garden of Eden!"

"You know, the Story of Adam and Eve!" Archie added.

Moose became angry again, "They were NAKED!"

It was then Veronica raised her voice loud enough to be heard through the still open door. "Oh, Reggie, look what you did! I demand you clean up the mess you made. With your mouth."

And Reggie's voice, too! "What!?! I have to lick my own jizz off you!?!?"

"REGGIE!" Moose cried, veering enough past Betty to shove Archie from the doorway. "Reggie!!" he roared inside the house. He was so blinded by his rage he mistook Veronica for Midge, the two looking so much alike but for the length of their hair.

"MOOSE!!" the now VERY vulnerably naked Reggie cried.

"EEEK!!" the now very VERY indecently naked Veronica cried, curling and covering herself up as best she could.

"Moose!!" Betty cried, after dashing back into the house.

"Betty!?!!"

"Mom!!?" Coming down the stairway was her mom in her dad's bathrobe! And at the top of the stairs was her "DAD!!" hopping on one foot, trying to get his pants on.

"Mom - Dad - it's not what you think! Well, it is. But it's not as _bad _as you think!! Everything's okay!"

"Duh, it is?" Moose said, stopping his chase of Reggie around the chair Veronica was balled up in, her hands protecting her hairdo.

"Is it?" Betty asked, afraid everything was going to make a liar out of her. But everybody around her did seem to be okay with what they saw. Whew! Crisis averted, somehow! And she was okay with that, too.

"Duh, I'm sorry Veronica. I thought you were Midge," Moose apologized, becoming the gentle giant he could be when he wasn't jealous. "Golly, did you know you look exactly like Midge when she don't have her clothes on."

"I should feel insulted!" Veronica said.

"Wait!!" Reggie hurried to put his foot in his mouth. "Midget puts out!?!" Why hadn't she ever let him dunk a homerun touchdown goal?!!

"Midge is a nice girl: MY girl!" Moose warned. "She only does it to calm me down!!"

(WHAT!!?? But by the Riverdale Standards, Midge Klump should not be having premarital sex! Why is She exempt from the Secret of Riverdale?!? This narrator knows. But he isn't telling. Yet.)