A Stand Up routine goes South for the both of you

A few weeks into your Senior Year, the school had decided to open up a small student lounge that served as a break area and was open during both lunch and study periods. Said student lounge also included a stage for entertainment purposes, even including a microphone on stage and a dressing room in the back. As such, this was a magnet for many people who would love to entertain others when out of season for the talent show. Including one particular person you always made sure to see for these short acts.

Fast forward to now, and you were sitting at a table in the student lounge alongside Chris and Amy, waiting for Lex to come onto the stage for her stand up routine. You knew that Lex wasn’t exactly a big fan of doing the same act twice, but you also knew that she wouldn’t turn down a chance to step into the spotlight and entertain people. Looking around, you could see that there were a lot of familiar faces in the audience.

There was Tammy and her DnD group discussing their latest campaign. There was that weirdo Zoe humming loudly to herself as she sat next to Hateya, the other girl having her face jammed into a biology book, surprisingly not seeming to notice the little weirdo next to her. Denise sat at a table with a few of her basketball teammates, chatting with one another. You were even surprised to see Dana of all people, propping her black boots up on to the table she sat at, apparently just using this free time to just relax and take a breather.

At least, you hoped that was what she was doing. The last time she was here, the cheerleaders had been on stage to preform their new routine for the upcoming game. Dana had slipped away, and a few minutes later, a skunk was let loose onto the lounge stage, managing to spray half the cheer squad as the rest of the room evacuated in time. And as usual, Dana had somehow gotten away with it, despite the fact that the student body knew that only she could pull off a stunt like this. You were pleasantly amused that Karishma was one of the cheerleaders that had gotten skunked and was then coated with tomato juice in the faculty parking lot, but weren’t sure if the lounge being closed for a month in order to be cleaned by the staff was worth it.

As you prayed that Dana wouldn’t pull something like that again, especially with your crush preforming right now, the sound of applause bring you back to reality as you realize the show is starting. Turning back to the stage, you clap and smile warmly as Lex walks on stage and waves to the crowd as she steps up to the microphone.

“Hey guys! Great to be here again.” Lex greeted the audience with a smile. That wonderful smile that made you melt. “I’m seeing a lot of familiar faces out there. Including number one part gal, Amy, who just recently decided to try out for the swim team. Of course, I did tell her that that probably wasn’t a good idea. This isn’t Sea World.”

The lounge laughed loudly at the joke, with a few exceptions that let out an “Ooh…”. Lex stuck up her hands and said, “If you didn’t like that one, I’m not to blame for it. Amy’s the one who begged me to open with that.”

“It’s true! It’s true!” Amy admitted to the crowd, laughing loudly as she stood up briefly and grabbed a love handle. “I’m a chubster!” she giggled as she sat back down next to you and Chris, “That just means there’s more of me to love.”

The show continued on for the next half hour, laughter echoing through the lounge as you watched your crush entertain the students who were using this break period. Looking around you could see the other students blissfully enjoying themselves. Dana thankfully hadn’t moved from her table, but was pounding on it with her fist as she had tears in her eyes. Zoe, the little weirdo, was rolling on the floor with laughter… quite literally as she was now laying down on the floor for some reason. Even the stoic Hateya had cracked a smile a few times.

And then things got to the final act…

“But if I’m being serious, folks,” Lex said, “I just love to entertain people.” She then smiled as she shouted in a cheesy imitation of Russell Crowe, “Are you not entertained?!”

The crowd cheered and hollered at that, causing her to let out her musical laugh that sent a shiver down your spine and your heart fluttering. “But you know, this has actually led to people coming up to me and asking, ‘Hey, Alexandra. If you like entertaining people so much, why don’t you just join one of the sports teams or the cheerleading squad? Why dance around in that stupid porpoise costume’?”

“Well, first off,” Lex explained, “just look at these arms!” The young woman stretched out her arms and began to “flex” all the nonexistent muscles in there, “Three words: Zero. Muscle. Tone. I’m not defending any baskets or goals with these things. Heck, if I was a chicken, the farmer would take one look at me and be like,” she donned a deep Southern accent, “'That there bird’s got the scrawniest wings I ever did saw. Can’t get no money there’.” As the audience laughed she gestured to her plump butt as she continued in her farmer’s voice, “’I mean, I could package that rump and sell it to make dog food or nuggets, that looks like the area with all the meat’.”

Despite laughing with the crowd, you admit to yourself that you’d never think that about Lex’s butt like that. You thought a lot of things about her butt, but never thought that it was fat.

Going back to her normal voice, Lex continued with her routine. “And as for being a cheerleader, not likely. I love entertaining, I really do. However, I’d rather choose a performance method with less skimpier clothing. Like belly dancing!”

You give a standing ovation as the audience laughs and applauds at the last joke, your crush blowing the audience a kiss as she disappeared backstage. Afterwards, you stand up and exit with the crowd along with Chris and Amy.

“I can’t believe you actually asked her to open with that joke, Ames!” Chris said with a laugh, “And I can’t believe she actually did it!”

“Hey, everyone knows I’m big boned!” Amy replied with a giggle of her own, “The difference is I can admit it and make fun of myself for it. Besides, I loved that whale when I was a kid.”

You shook your head as you adjusted your… you felt around on your shoulder before groaning. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.” You say as you walk back to the student lounge, “I left my backpack in the lounge.”

“See you, Sam!” Chris said as she and Amy headed off to their next classes.

You head back to the lounge where you immediately spot your backpack next to the chair you were sitting in. You bend over and pick it up before standing back up. The second you raise your head, however, you stop as you see four of the cheerleaders walk backstage, instantly recognizing Madison, Jillian, Lisa, and Mia. Your eyes go wide as you notice Karishma smiling evilly as she closed the curtain after Mia.

Uh oh.

Before you can think about it, your legs develop a mind of their own as you find yourself slowly making your way towards the stage, knowing deep in your heart that what was going to happen was not going to be good.