Police Academy

Chapter 1: The Cadet Files

Sitting at his desk on the third floor, Commandant Jeffrey Sullivan is looking at the stack of files towering in front of him in preparation for the latest batch of hopefuls to make it through and be sworn in as officers LAPD. "This should be interesting..." The Commandant laments as he looks at the thirty or so files, then looks across at the two men seated on the other side. Flicking his gaze to the corner, he silently acknowledges the woman who is wning up against it with her foot on the wall and her arms crossed over her chest.

"Why do you say that, sir?" A gruff spoken man speaks up. Built like a tank and with the perennial stub of a cigar hanging from his mouth, Sergeant Stone is one of the toughest trainers around.

"Wait, where's Dick?" Corporal Stubing speaks up, cutting off his superior. A nimble man, he is easily recognizable by the thinning hair on top of his head and his thick rimmed, coke bottle glasses.

"Man... That fucker's always late!" The woman in the corner complains, pushing herself up from the wall and rolls her eyes dramatically.

"Don't worry Officer Jackson, I'm sure Officer Spitz will be with us shortly..." Commandant Sullivan says driving as he leans back in his chair, reaching back to rest his head in hands, exhaling audibly.

Just then, the door to the the office crashes open as Officer Dick Spitz stumbling through, tripping over his feet and reeling all the way right into the commandant's desk! Files going everywhere, everybody groans at the perennial klutz crumbles to the floor. Picking himself up, the Don Juan wanna be straightens out his t-shirt then starts combing his fingers through his afro style do. Turning towards Jackson, he puts on his best grin, his '70s inspired mustache spreading with his cheeks, and poses, shooting her a finger pistol. "Good morning LaWanda..."

Rolling her eyes, she simply looks away and returns to leaning up against the wall with her arms crossed.

Rolling his eyes, Stone sighs too as Stubing slides from his chair and starts picking up the files. Sitting up and exhaling hard, the Commandant pulls down on his dress blue blouse and gives his last training officer a dead pan look. "Uh uh hmmm?" He grumbles from his throat.

"Oh right! Good morning sir!" Officer Spitz throws a smart salute and then promptly goes to sit down, right in Stone's lap! The moment he goes to sit, a pair of big hands shove him back to his feet! "Oh uh sorry sorry, I thought the seat was free!"

"Moron..." Stone says gruffly, chewing on the front end of his cigar.

And bowing just a little bit multiple times, Dick Spitz shuffles awkwardly then back steps all the way to the wall where he slides and decides to get cozy with LaWanda. "Looks like it's just you and me toots." He says giving her a small wiggle of his brow as he looks the beautiful black woman up and down. Down below, the front of his shorts slowly stick out.

Not even looking his way, LaWanda pushes him away with one hand. "Get away from me Dick before you spit all over the front of your shorts!"

Stumbling again, Officer Spitz keeps from falling down when he bumps into the bookcase.

Watching as the bumbling buffoon struggles to find his balance, Sullivan and Stone dumbfounded, but then quickly avert their eyes when they see the perennial boner in Dick's pants.

"Goddamn it Dick! Can't you keep your pistol holstered?" The Commandant grumbles rather loudly.

"No sir... He can't." Sergeant Stone replies as he looks away from his buffoon of a training officer and watches as Stubing sets the picked up files back down on the desk.

"I don't know how that man hasn't been fired yet..." Officer Jackson says under her breath.

"I don't know either..." Commandant Sullivan sighs sitting up and leaning forward to grab the first file off the top of the pile. "Can we get started now... Please?"

Sitting back down in his chair, Corporal Stubing adjusts his glasses as he crosses his knee over the other. "Of course sir." He says, placing his hands his lap.

For the first 20 minutes or so the office is relatively quiet as file after file is handed around and reviewed by everyone.

"You have got to be kidding me... This one is fatter than porky pig!" Stone remarks as he holds up picture from the file showing a freckled face man who clearly weighs over 300 lbs.

"I'm just sorry that I have to train this lot. Not a single one of them have probably ever seen a gun, much less touched one." Jackson says next as she closes her file and then reaches her hand out, exercising her fingers for another.

"And poor grades too..." Stubing groans. "Chief, please tell me there's at least one hopeful who has a brain?"

Setting aside his file, Commandant John Sullivan is in the middle of reaching for another one when he responds. "World just ain't what it used to be, Stubb's. This lot did the best on the entrance exams." Hearing the chorus of groans all around him, flips open the next file and immediately rolls his eyes. "Don't forget the healthy dose of nepotism..." He says as he partially lifts the file then sets it back down.

"Great... Some politician's kid again? Five bucks that it's a senator this time." Stone says, holding up five fingers.

"Put me down for ten that it's some bitch's from the city council." LaWanda goes in on the wager, indicating only with a lift of her eyes.

"Just to even it up, I'll add five to Rip's wager." Stubing joins in.

Looking at his fellow trainers and his commander, Spitz is flabbergasted! "I don't know why you guys do this? Look at me! My dad was a former cop I made it through the academy just fine."

Turning their heads, everyone else just looks at Dick and then returns their attention to the file in the commandant's hand.

"Well I hate to break it to ya's, but you're all wrong." Sullivan says with a big old grin as he flings open the file and then spins it around and pushes it opposite end of his desk.

Rising slowly from their seats and off of the walls, all of the trainers get a good look at the picture paper clipped in the front.

"Fuuuuuuck..." Stubing mutters, jaw falling.

"No way..." Jackson says next, eyes opening wide.

"This is a joke, right?" Stone stares at the picture and then looks up, his cigar stub falling.

"No joke officers." The Commandant says with a wistful smirk at the reaction of his top trainers. "It's the Chief's daughter."

"Oh yeeeeeaaaah...!"

Eye's swivelling, everyone looks at the grinnng Spitz and then down as a small wet spot appears and promptly starts to grow.

"DICK!"