Poke-her Night

Accepting that you’d been transported into the world of The Office, in the form of a young new intern, you figured you might as well adapt for now. The documentary crew were all women in BDSM gear, so clearly this wasn’t the same continuity, but some kind of sexualized offshoot. That was fine by you — you had long time crushes on some of the ladies on this show, so maybe as the hotshot young guy, you’d have a chance to act on them. Things were a little more tense and hostile around the office than you’d imagine they’d be in a more sexualized universe, but you kept your head down and didn’t draw attention, biding your time until tonight.

It was Poker Night at the Scranton Branch, but the mood was off. The games and card tables were all run by women in burlesque outfits, and they seemed to be sapping every male employee of their money, regardless of how whether they won or lost. You didn’t remember it like this in the show, but maybe it was just the result of the heightened sexual nature of this reality.

Jan and Michael had just broken off their on-and-off fling again, and you now saw Michael waddle out of the warehouse with no pants, a red ass and clutching his groin, while Jan stormed toward the stairs. You caught sight of her, and time slowed. Her voluminous wavy hair whipped behind her swift movements, her chest bounced beneath her thin white blouse and leather sport jacket, her simple makeup and the slight gloss to her lips paired elegantly with her furious, pensive look. She was a little bit taller than you in this reality, so she didn’t see you until she was about to move right through you.

“Move, you idiot!” she growled as she shouldered past you and stomped out the upstairs exit. Watching her go, you shook off your temptation to follow, and turned back to the scene on the warehouse floor.

Word got around that Jim and Karen just broke up too. Jim and Pam were nowhere to be seen, but Karen was throwing back drinks at the makeshift bar. You didn’t think Karen was even IN the show during Poker Night, so this must be some kind of amalgam of the whole show. Not that you were complaining, as she was the other big crush you had. Figuring you didn’t have much to lose, you wanted to shoot your shot. This wasn’t your reality anyway, and you were a young guy in your 20s, maybe she’d be flattered by the attention.

You’d approached her and given your condolences for what happened, said Jim was an idiot, the usual spiel, and ended by saying if she needed anything, you’re there for her. She just groaned and said “Are you swooping in already? You dumb fucking boy, get away from me before I beat your ass!” Taking the hint, you beelined away as she went back to drinking. After a while, your eyes lingered again on that upstairs exit. You did always have a thing for Jan, and you knew from the show that she liked younger men. Against your better judgment, you went upstairs too.

Surely SHE would appreciate some comforting.