Pansy’s Problems

That night went poorly for Pansy. She was woken by Slytherin girls as numerous as they were angry.

A fellow pure-blooded senior, Daphne Greengrass, with sleep in her eyes, led the congregation “Pansy, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. We’d have a better night’s sleep with an Erumpent in the dorm!” she growled.

“It would certainly smell better” A younger girl holding her nose chimed in.

Pansy, still scowling at the young slytherin holding her nose, was humiliated to see the majority of the girls dorm disgruntled by her flatulence “what you mean? Panshy will shtop doing shtinkiesh. Panshy promishesh.”

Pansy was wincing as she spoke, before vowing to make whoever cursed her to talk like a simpleton pay with their life. Just then, she started to feel a familiar urge and began to subtly reposition her embarrassingly large bottom towards the irate Daphne.

“Panshy hash been bad. Shpank me if you’re angwy”

Pansy tried to deliver the request sarcastically in order to hide the fact that she sincerely craved it, all the while hoping that Daphne might be annoyed enough to actually give her one.

To Pansy’s disappointment, Daphne rolled her eyes in exasperation “For crying out loud, Pansy, what the hell’s happened to you? We understand that you can’t help that bloody speech curse, but our sympathies only extend so far. The constant accidents in class, the farting, the way you wave that ginormous arse around! We know you can’t help how you’ve… developed… but god… you can’t expect us to believe you didn’t ‘enhance’ your chest!!”

Pansy was outraged “Panshy’s tittiesh too big! Panshy’s arshe too fat! Panshy hate the wibble wobble!! Panshy do magic to make tittiesh and arshe shmall …like yoursh, but me pee pee, or shometimesh me poo poo, in my pantiesh becaushe …magic ish hawd.” Pansy had no idea why she kept trying to defend/explain herself with her mortifying speech, but this was a new low.

Daphne and the rest of the disgusted Slytherine girls promptly voted to banish Pansy from the dorm until further notice. Daphne shook her head in disbelief as she watched her obnoxious curves wiggle and jiggle out the door.

Pansy tearily went for a walk around the Castle to calm down. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something weird was going on.