Opening Monologue

"Good evening, and welcome to Bimbomania!, the show that turns criminal young women into hot little sex toys! I'm Biff Brewster, your host and guide through the land of blonde debauchery. You want giggles and gasps? We aim to please! You want bouncing boobs and wiggling derrieres? We're here to deliver! You want curvaceous cuties and blonde wet dreams? We're all that and a bag of chips, too, because we know what you really want! You want..."

"Bimbos!" cried the audience in one voice.

"Bimbos!" cried Biff, pumping a fist into the air.

"Bimbos!" cried the audience once more.

Backstage, I rolled my eyes at Biff's rhetoric. I couldn't believe this was the top-rated show on television right now. Yes, Biff was charismatic and he knew how to play the audience, but come on!

A few feet away, I could see that Chrissie, Laura and Tonya were having the same thoughts. Black-haired Chrissie stood with her arms crossed, obviously disgusted with the production, and redheaded Laura and blonde Tonya mirrored her pose. They weren't looking forward to this any more than I was.

On stage, Biff ran a hand over his perfect hair. "We have a special treat for our loyal viewers tonight. Our contestants today are none other than the Museum Heist Gone Wrong Gang! And judging from how well that venture turned out, it may be that they don't need our help to become bimbos!"

The people in the audience laughed themselves silly as Biff described- with some exaggeration- our failed museum job. I wanted to strangle Biff and rip that perfect hair from his scalp. Grrrrrrrrr.