Make the Girly Burger

“What’s the harm?” You ask, and fire up the grill. You take a purple burger slab and slap it on, and then check the box this all came in, where there was a little information card about preparing the Girly Burger.

To make a Girly Burger, apply traditional hamburger-products technique. When finishing, warm up a bun, apply our special lettuce-inspired vegetable-like-product on the bottom bun, place the cooked Girly Burger meat-slab above, and apply our special Girly Sauce™️ above, squirting exactly 1.2oz around the cooked slab in even levels. Top it off with a top bun, and you’ve made a perfect Girly Burger! Hip hip hoo-ray for you!

Seemed simple enough. You put two buns in the microwave and some of the yellow lettuce (which it technically wasn’t but whatever) on a spare trapezoid-shaped tray. “Another brilliant Mr. Velky Burger idea”, you think to yourself, and soon the burger is finished. You grab the special sauce, and squirt some onto the burger. Okay, it was a lot more than “1.2 ounces”, but who cared?

You didn’t. Especially when you took a deep, delicious bite of the Girly Burger. Holy shit, this was really good. Not just the sauce, but the buns and lettuce and the burger, they all combined to create this… wonderful taste that you couldn’t describe. It was like a regular Mr. Velky Burger burger… but good! Quickly, you scarfed down the sandwich, getting the sauce all over your lips. You licked it all up, and noticed it had gotten on your hands, and on the tray as well. You greedily licked that up too, and when you were finished, you washed your hands, and the tray.

That was amazing, best meal you’ve had in a while. But you’ve done enough damage, and put everything away for the weekend. When you got back on Monday, you hoped Mr. Dinksly wouldn’t be too mad. If he had what you had, he’d understand. You get on your ride, and go home.