Maddie and Trevor address Part 2

READING THE REVIEW

Trevor holds me by the shoulders. "Say it," he breathes in my ear.

"I'm a shit writer," I sniffle. The truth hurts when it's seen through someone else's eyes. "They're right. So many of the concerns I had in my own head while writing this still came to fruition. I fucked the pacing. Characters that were fairly innocuous in my head came out monstrous on the page. Motivations were either missing or improperly emphasized. The character turns didn't work. The worldbuilding--such as it is--was deferred to other branches. Worst of all, I let the plot--and even more, the particular scenes I wanted to reach--dictate the characters, not the other way around."

"Alright, now that you've had your little pity party, try to think of something positive."

"Well, I may be a shit writer, but I'm also a new writer. I hope I can grow, learn, avoid repeating the same mistakes. And this was basically a first draft. Maybe a proper editing job could make something of it. Or maybe I just count the 60,000 or so words that this took towards my practice million."

"You also can't say Rowana and Azzie came away without some strong feelings," Trevor points out. "The scene with Candice's mother, for example, had exactly the devastating emotional impact you were going for. It seems to me the worst thing the reader can have towards a work is indifference."

"I suppose... Let's go through and see if there's any other specific observations to comment on."

If she knew it was for a limited time and that she was helping out her family, she could choose to endure it.

"Bit of a nitpick, and I don't think it detracts from their larger point," I say. "But Madison's service at the company was for a limited time. Maybe they missed that."

At least with a women-in-prison movie, the key thing is the women are already in prison, a facility designed to contain, house, and feed the inmates. Gadsden appears to be working under the assumption that the women won't bolt at every opportunity.

"This is essentially the dynamic that exists in the cow and pony paths--and in my own experiences as a pet--inescapable restraint through ropes, collars, chains, bars, and locked doors. Though now that I'm with you, Trevor, I guess the only remaining constraints on me come from societal expectation and the rule of law... In any case, I deliberately wanted the intern path to be something different--a halfway measure, a slow burn, a voyeuristic chance to watch the heroine descend before the eyes of her family and friends. Maybe that could have worked conceptually, but it needed a lot more groundwork than I chose to give it."

"This does not feel like an escape plan," Rowana said. "This does not even sound like a concept."

"The resolution of the plot really is a series of dominos falling with little agency on the part of the main character--mostly opportunities falling into her lap that eventually add up to her emancipation. There's an element to that in every story--how far up shit creek would Rowana and Azzie have been if a massive shapeshifting cop and a couple of hackers hadn't shown up to help and offer a solution? But I agree this goes too far."

I feel like Maddie being bisexual should have been on the table before she was forced to eat her first pussy, and that maybe there should have been more exploration of her shifting sexuality.

"In this--and other paths--Madison always starts out thinking she's heterosexual, but the evidence tends to point in a different direction. I think it's understandable. She also starts out a virgin, so it's quite possible she hasn't thought about it too much."

"And what about you, the real Maddie?" asks Trevor quietly. "I know you...did things with Emma while you were together. How did that make you feel?"

"Well, wouldn't you like to know?" I wink.

"To be fair, Madison's fear is not brought out sufficiently on the page," Azzie said.

"No, it isn't," I say. "That was it. That was supposed to be the motivating factor keeping her in place for most of the story. She ruminates on it internally a few times, but so much of what she narrates is fairly dry description. A lot of it needed that tinge of fear. That might have papered over a lot of other issues, like pushing the flavor of sadism more towards victim and less towards voyeur."

"I believe that about sums it up," says Trevor. He punches me lightly in the arm. "Hey, maybe we can get back to a review of our own sometime. Ultimately, it's all in good fun, right?"

"Maybe," I sigh. "It doesn't feel like it right now."

"Why don't you get a good night's rest? I bet you'll feel better in the morning."