Light - FIFTH YEAR - An Appreciation for Divination

You climbed up the ladder, through the trapdoor into the Divination classroom and found Professor Trelawney, Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, and Padma Patil gathered around a crystal ball. The professor was the one who spotted you first, mainly because she wasn’t the one divining.

“Marvolo Gaunt, so nice of you to come on time.”

If it were anyone else, you’d question the phrasing of the professor’s greeting… but because it was Professor Trelawney, you assumed it was unintentional… and responded with your own innuendo, “Of course, I always aim to please, and I wouldn’t want to leave anyone unsatisfied. Especially not my professors.”

The woman who smelled of sherry and excessive perfume stared at you through her big, thick, round glasses that magnified her eyes, “Four hundred ninety-two days.”

“Until what?”

“You’ll find out.”

Grand. The number and impending countdown was strangely specific, but she was cryptic as always. You learned in your first week of Divination back in third year that Professor Trelawney’s warnings were either genuine predictions that you wouldn’t fully understand until after they happened… or they were total rubbish. There was very rarely ever any in between with her. Most people wrote her off as a total fraud, but you’d been through enough to know to write down what she said so you could interpret the warning for what it was.

Professor Trelawney made a believer out of you early on. And it turned out, BELIEF was the key to succeeding in Divination. You got back what you gave. People who entered the Divination classroom with a closed mind, wrote off the subject as a joke, and dismissed the seer teaching the class as a fraud could rarely ever open their inner eye and therefore they’d never truly SEE anything. But those who entered with an open mind, and didn’t treat the subject like it was total hogwash, had a much greater chance of properly harnessing their inner eye.

You didn’t have the gift, but you still treated Divination like a legitimate class and put in the same amount of effort that you did with your other focal subjects. You memorised the symbols, read journals on interpretation, listened to experts who DID have the gift, and diligently completed all your assignments. You had a solid grounding on the theory, which - in some ways - made up for your lack of practical skill.

Professor Trelawney seemed to appreciate that you didn’t treat the subject she taught like it was utter nonsense and gave you top marks.

“AAH, NO!” Parvati complained and slapped her hands on the table as whatever image she’d been conjuring within the crystal ball sputtered and faded… leaving it empty except for wisps of white smoke.

“What seems to be the trouble, ladies?” you inquired as you approached the quartet around the crystal ball.

“We’re trying to divine the identities of the closet couple,” color commentator Lavender Brown answered. “Everyone’s dying to know who they were!”

“Oh, yeah?” you questioned, as you glanced across the table at Parvati who had been ‘driving’ the scrying session. “Any luck?”

Parvati Patil huffed, she DID have the gift. And it was a point of personal pride that you were the one who helped her unlock it. “It didn’t work. We were able to see the closet… but couldn’t see inside it.”

“Did you… achieve clarity… to ensure your vision was clear?” you inquired.

“Yes,” she replied sardonically, “Stop asking. Assume I always do it before Divination!”

Lavender grinned and added, “She was in the loo long enough that she might have achieved it twice. I think imagining the show going on in that closet might have helped.”

“Don’t tell him that!” Parvati protested. Lavender giggled while Professor Trelawney suddenly found her collection of teapots on the far wall very interesting and turned to face them. Padma held her face with her hands, seemingly sharing her twin’s embarrassment.

That was the trick to unlocking Parvati’s inner eye: achieving clarity.

Professor Trelawney announced at the start of fourth year that you were going to begin studying dream interpretation ahead of schedule. Then sat you and Parvati alone together at a secluded table in the back corner of the classroom and said, as two of her most promising students, you could help and learn from each other.

Away from the ears of the other students, she presented you with a puzzle and claimed she rearranged the curriculum because she sensed Parvati was on the verge of opening her inner eye and that your unconventional approach to Divination could be the key to unlocking the final door that stood in her way.

After she left you alone, Parvati quietly confided her problem. She felt in her heart that she was on the verge of seeing things, but that her visions were hazy, foggy, and unfocused.

She needed clarity.

The Divination professor asked for an unconventional suggestion, so - knowing it was likely to get you slapped - you explained the concept of post-nut clarity to your partner.

Parvati hissed and called you a pervert, obviously finding your suggestion both vulgar and lacking. But you defended yourself with your extensive knowledge of theory combined with the expertise of Divination scholars far wiser than you. You argued that the release from achieving clarity was when your mind and body were at their most relaxed, the conscious mind fades and grants you better access to the subconscious. You ignored the embarrassed teenage girl’s obvious lie that she never did that, then suggested - since you were studying dream interpretation - the best approach would be for her to achieve clarity in bed before falling asleep, ensuring that her mind would be optimally clear and open as she drifted off.

She was skeptical and didn’t believe it would work.

YOU were skeptical and didn’t believe it would work.

But the foundation of Divination was BELIEF, and you knew if you could instill that belief in her, then that belief could be the catalyst to make your unconventional idea actually work.

And so, with good intentions and a strong desire to help, you employed your Serpent’s Gaze and planted a seed. “Your inner eye will open if you take the time to achieve clarity beforehand.”

Your voice, confidently whispering in the back of her mind and telling her that it would work, took root… and it was EXACTLY what she needed.

You knew she followed your suggestion. And you knew it worked. Because that same night, your dream was interrupted when Parvati Patil knocked on the door to your mindscape with a glowing third eye on her forehead.

The dream journal entries reporting your and Parvati’s discoveries as you ventured out of your mindscape and explored the Astral Plane together were likely the most interesting ones Professor Trelawney had ever received. You were genuinely proud of Parvati for achieving success in a subject she was passionate about and - even though you weren’t the one doing any actual magic - you both got top marks for the rest of the year.

“I think my vision is being blocked,” Parvati complained, back in the present.

“The Bloody Baron said ‘neither student, nor spell, nor spirit may pass her barrier unless they complete her trial’,” Padma Patil recounted. “Scrying is a type of spell. Rowena Ravenclaw’s magical barrier is most likely what prevented you from seeing inside.”

She did NOT have the gift like her sister, and after Hermione Granger had been **** to finally drop Divination following her ‘accident’, she took up the role as your class’s resident skeptic. The Ravenclaw Patil was a lot shyer and quieter than the Gryffindor know-it-all, so she wasn’t as vocal about her contrasting opinions, but you could tell from the rolls of her eyes that she wasn’t buying what Professor Trelawney was selling. Despite her skepticism, when the other Ravenclaws walked out at the start of the year and dismissed Divination and its overly dramatic professor as a waste of time, Padma at least saw it as an opportunity to spend an extra ninety minutes a week with her twin, and study a subject Parvati was particularly passionate about. She stuck around and was your class’s lone Ravenclaw. The remaining Hufflepuffs praised her for her loyalty to her sister. But after two years, Parvati’s growing dedication and flourishing talent offset by Padma’s own lack of success was starting to weigh on the Patil who prided herself on her academic achievements.

Normally, when you saw the Patil twins together in the library, it was Padma helping Parvati scramble to finish a neglected assignment. Usually in Ancient Runes, which Parvati had agreed to take with her sister and wasn’t faring nearly as well in. But in Divination, the roles were reversed, and it was Parvati helping Padma complete her assignments. The quieter, more conservative, and more responsible Prefect Patil disapproved of her sister’s method of ‘achieving clarity’, but she found it hard to argue with the results Parvati got from her readings.

“That’s why I switched tactics,” Parvati continued, “Instead of asking ‘who’s in the closet?’ - since we were already looking at it - I asked for confirmation if a specific student was inside it. But nothing happened.”

“In hindsight,” Lavender imparted, “the lack of reaction could have been a negative answer.”

Lavender Brown was… enthusiastic. She fully believed in Divination and had a ton of raw, natural talent, but she didn’t share Parvati’s special gift. Lavender had a creative mind and could easily discern symbols, shapes, and colours, which was crucial in Divination and helped heighten her sight. In third year, her open-mindedness combined with her eye for detail meant her readings and interpretations were usually the best in class. She didn’t have to relentlessly study theory to make up for her failings like you did, instead she memorised the meaning of the most important symbols and would either look up anything new or rely on the ‘sage’ advice of Professor Trelawney and take her favourite professor’s word as gospel.

While you had never outright seen it, you knew Lavender attempted to achieve clarity alongside her best friend a fair number of times, but hadn’t found the same success.

The same method didn’t work for everyone.

That’s why Divination had so many different branches. Teaching the subject was about helping the students find the one to which they were most attuned. As tempted as you were to implant another compulsion to help Lavender overcome her hurdle and discover her own talent, you had an instinctive feeling that if the same unconventional method you used for Parvati Patil would have worked for Lavender Brown, Professor Trelawney would have sat both girls across from you that day in fourth year.

Lavender’s enthusiasm hadn’t waned when Parvati awakened her inner eye. Nor had she grown envious or jealous of her friend suddenly supplanting her at the top of the class. She’d been a gushing well of support the entire time. The way she told it, Parvati’s success encouraged her and gave her hope that one day she’d find a way to further open her own inner eye.

The undimmed enthusiasm and her steadfast belief in her best friend’s abilities were probably why, when you and Parvati began experimenting and tried rousing other people and drawing them up onto Parvati’s astral bridge across the Astral Plane, Lavender was the first and easiest to awaken. She woke to the sound of Parvati’s voice with minimal cajoling and practically FLEW up onto the bridge when her best friend reached over to grab her. As someone who hadn’t spent an extraordinary amount of time around Brown and Patil before that point, spending several nights being double teamed by the gregarious Gryffindor girls had been a jarring experience.

By contrast, when the three of you navigated your way across the Astral Plane to Ravenclaw Tower and attempted to rouse Padma, it took Parvati repeatedly shouting at the top of her lungs to rouse her sister, and then dragging her up onto the bridge was even more difficult. It was like the Ravenclaw Patil was bound to an anchor, making her immensely heavy.

Divination was the subject that truly set the Patil twins apart. Because while the Ravenclaw twin was easily more book smart and responsible, as evidenced by her consistently superior marks and prefect status, she didn’t have her Gryffindor sister’s heart and spirit. Even though she’d been roused to see the evidence with her own eyes, years of living her life listening to logic, sense, and reason told the Ravenclaw that what she’d seen couldn’t be happening, that it was just a vivid dream, and that the Astral Plane didn’t really exist.

In a realm that functioned on belief and spirituality, Padma’s skepticism quite literally weighed her down. It took you, Parvati, and Lavender all straining and working together to drag Padma up onto the astral bridge. And even then, you had to carry the extremely heavy Ravenclaw to prevent her from falling through.

Lavender’s suggestion that she might try achieving clarity to make her easy to lift, had been resoundingly rejected by the much more conservative sister. Parvati ultimately decided that if her twin wasn’t going to humble herself and put in that little bit of extra effort to make her easier to rouse and lift… then she wouldn’t extend the incredible amount of effort and strain it took to drag her up. You doubted it would’ve worked even if she did try it. Padma didn’t believe in it like the other two, or at the very least, she didn’t believe what was proven to work for her sister would work for her, so she’d just be embarrassing herself for no reason.

“I changed tactics again,” Parvati persisted, “Instead of struggling to look in a blocked closet… I decided to search for that specific student. If I couldn’t find him… that’d mean he was inside the blocked closet.”

“So what happened?” you prompted.

“HE CLIMBED UP THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR!”

You blinked in surprise, “Oh. Well, I’m flattered that you think so highly of my prowess. I’m right here, though. Are you sure you didn’t just really want it to be me?”

“NO!” Her cheeks darkened to set her apart from her twin. What happened in the dream, stayed in the dream.

“I don’t recall seeing you with the rest of the prefects,” Prefect Patil saved her sister. “Where were you, exactly?”

“Did you, by chance, look up?” you suggested. They hadn’t. At least not past the fourth floor. “Katie and I heard the racket too. But we were on the seventh floor and watched the show from up there, where it was much less crowded. Stayed long enough to hear Brown start doing commentary with Jordan after Draco got flung across the stairwell. But then we realised, if the headmaster and her incompetent squad were focused on the loud alarm going off in the Grand Staircase… then they wouldn’t notice the minor pings from a couple up in Gryffindor Tower, so we ran up to Katie’s dorm room.”

“Hold on!” Parvati protested. “How did you get up the stairs to the girl dorms? Boys aren’t allowed up them!”

You smiled, “I have a broom and Katie has a window.”

“Oooh,” Lavender cooed, “And do you like putting your broom through Katie’s window?”

“Of course,” you replied, “It’s warm and cozy. But more importantly, she likes it too.”

Brown and one Patil giggled while the other Patil shook her head and frowned.

“OOHH!” Professor Trelawney suddenly swooned and held the back of her hand to her head as she let out an overly dramatic cry. “I sense a presence… over here…” She closed her eyes and stumbled away from the table with her arm outstretched as if reaching out for an invisible spirit. When she reached the other side of the room, she threw herself into her favorite armchair. “The voices, yes, I hear them from here… across the room… they’re echoing in my ears and I can no longer hear my eighteen-year-old students discussing their illegal activities.”

You grinned in amusement at her theatrics, Parvati and Lavender smiled at each other, and Padma rolled her eyes. It wasn’t just Professor Snape - all the professors had their favorites.

“Anyway,” you concluded, “If you don’t believe me, it turns out that while Ravenclaw-Patil and the other prefects were crowding together at the bottom of the stairs, Sheriff Granger realised that an enterprising young couple might make good use of the provided distraction, she ran up to Gryffindor Tower and caught us on Katie’s bed.”

“Doing whaaat?” Lavender inquired.

“None of your business,” you retorted, “That’s between me and her!”

“And Hermione, apparently,” Padma muttered.

They bought it. And with Parvati and Lavender pushing it, your fake alibi would quickly spread to become fact. But to give the rumor more juice, you could always ‘prove’ you weren’t there.

“Perhaps I could try my hand?” you offered, “You know crystal gazing’s my specialty.”

“What makes you think you can manage it when I can’t?” Parvati challenged you.

“Because I’ve been in the closet before,” you answered. THAT got their attention.

“When?” Lavender asked eagerly.

“With who?” Parvati quickly added, just as eager.

You paused to remind yourself which two girls were the twins. “Excellent questions… and I believe that would be the place to start. My theory is: since I’ve beaten Rowena Ravenclaw’s trial, her barrier won’t keep me out. Especially if I start by looking back at the night when I beat it.” You set your eyes on Parvati, “But first, I have a price… an answer for an answer. Answer my question… and I’ll do my best to find the answer you seek. Why do you want to know who’s in there so badly?”

Parvati sighed, “Because some lucky witch just got the shag of my dreams and I want to know who!”

You tsked, reached across the table, and flicked her forehead right where her third eye appeared in the Astral Plane, “That’s not true. What we witnessed earlier was a bout of rebellious exhibitionism. The shag of your dreams is intimate, passionate, romantic, and with someone you care about.”

Your eyes locked as you both thought back to your most recent shared dream. There was Parvati Patil… beautiful brown body lying bare beneath you… all three eyes fluttering with pleasure as you pumped into her. Curled up at her side, was an equally naked Katie Bell, who was watching with an enthusiastic smile as you shagged her housemate and casually teased the other witch’s perky B-cups capped with pointy, dark brown nipples as she eagerly anticipated her turn.

Parvati was so effusively ecstatic about opening her third eye that first night that she’d jumped on you and impulsively snogged you… and then promptly said “Don’t tell anyone I did that!” And so you implemented a rule: what happens in the dream, stays in the dream.

The rule went double now that you were seeing your special connection through to the inevitable conclusion horny - technically, of age - teenagers with no supervision would ultimately reach. No matter how many dream threesomes you, Katie, and Parvati had together… Parvati’s hymen was still intact when she awoke in the waking world. That was half the reason she was so eager to be involved. She could explore and experiment in a private setting, and wouldn’t suffer any physical or social consequences. As for you and Katie, Parvati using her bridge to ferry your girlfriend across the Astral Plane to your mindscape meant you were free to shag to your heart’s content without setting off a prefect alert. And Kinky Katie was happy to have another naked body to play with.

Lavender giggled while Padma eyed her sister suspiciously. It was obvious who she’d told about your rendez-vous and who she hadn’t. Maybe that was why the color commentator had been so supportive of you and Katie earlier? Not that she actually knew it was you.

“Let’s look for the answers together…” you resolved as you placed your hands on the crystal ball.

As previously stated, you did not have the gift. Nor the sight. But what you did have was Slytherin cunning and a strong, stable, well-organised mind, reinforced by Occlumency… and you used that to compensate.

If there was one thing you learned from Gilderoy Lockhart in second year: it was how to put on a performance!

First, some flare. You channeled magic through your hands into the crystal like Cho taught you… crystal was a natural receptacle for magic and that little bit was enough to stimulate the smoke inside and make it start swirling.

Next, you closed your eyes and took a long, steadying breath, then used your Occlumency to dip into a memory cauldron within your mindscape and draw up the night you found your third Legendary broom closet with crystal clear clarity.

Finally, with the image firmly in your mind’s eye, you opened your eyes and focused your magic into the crystal catalyst beneath your hands, then felt the pulse of magic from your Serpent’s Gaze as you silently whispered, “Legilimens!”

“There he goes!” Lavender chirped. “Looks like Sparkles is seeing something!”

Under most circumstances, you would avoid using your Serpent’s Gaze so openly, but when your eyes glowed - or “Sparkled!” according to the girls who were usually watching - it served as a flashy, over-the-top way to make it look like you were ‘opening your inner eye’. Parvati’s glowing third eye didn’t appear in the waking world, but her normal dark eyes danced when she was seeing, so your sparkles didn’t seem entirely out of place.

Crabbe and Goyle heckled you relentlessly for the nickname, it wasn’t the most manly or masculine. But they overlooked the crowd of curious girls often found gazing into your crystal ball that the name had spawned from. Much like Potter and Weasley, they were short sighted, and that’s why they failed to open their inner eye.

You focused and PUSHED the crystal clear image from your mind’s eye into the crystal ball, just like you did when you used your compulsion to plant a thought in someone’s head. You hadn’t conjured anything… you implanted a predetermined scene into the magic-infused crystal orb.

A part of you had been guilty about your charlatan seer act, as it went directly against your standing as an exceptional, honest Slytherin that you worked so hard to build. But your smoke and mirror routine instilled that crucial belief in others and served as a direct contrast to the dismissive attitude on the other side of the room. With your encouragement, Millicent copied your example and managed to conjure REAL images within her own crystal ball. She didn’t have the clarity and control Parvati obtained a year later, but your theatrics inspired her and instilled enough belief that she could genuinely SEE things. You couldn’t do it yourself, but you inspired others to open their inner eye, and that added some much needed legitimacy to the class… which was probably why Professor Trelawney developed such a soft spot for you.

Back in the present, an image from your past - over two-and-a-half years ago - was projected into the crystal ball.

“Is that… Cho Chang? And Luna Lovegood?” asked Padma as she recognised her housemates.

“Why’re you wearing a hospital gown?” Lavender caught the finer detail. “When was this?”

“It has to be third year,” Parvati realised, “That’s when he and Cho dated.”

“It was the first week, two nights after I got mauled by that hippogriff,” you recounted as you surveyed the ‘conjured’ image of you at fifteen - in a hospital gown and pajama pants, sixteen-year-old Cho - wrapped in a silky, silver robe over patterned pajamas, and fourteen-year-old Luna - in an innocent, white nightie and slippers all occupying the Legendary broom closet.

Professor Trelawney saw ‘two crossed claws’ in your tea leaves the day before the incident and claimed they stood for blood and pain. Pain was bad, so was blood, but wounds could heal and feeling pain meant you were still alive. Harry, on the other hand, got the Grim; an omen of **** and quickly lost all respect for the class. But Professor Trelawney’s warning echoed in your mind when you tackled Draco after he mouthed off to Buckbeak, and while you knew what was about to happen would be bloody and painful, you were reassured in knowing that both you and your stupid friend would survive.

That had certainly caught your attention, but it was two nights later, when you crossed paths with two Raven-CLAWS that truly made you see Professor Trelawney’s predictions and warnings on a whole different level.

You never looked at Divination the same way again.

“It was late, and Madam Pomfrey was preparing to turn in. She said I could be released in the morning, but I pressed my luck and requested the minor pleasure of being able to sleep in my own bed. She granted it, on the condition that I came back for a check up in the morning before breakfast. I passed through the Grand Staircase on my way back to the Slytherin common room… looked up… and found Luna Lovegood sitting upside down - and barefoot - on the bottom of a staircase above my head.”

One of her tears had literally fallen on you. Some of her housemates stole some of her things and told her they’d seen them out in the corridor… then locked the odd girl out of the common room.

“It turned out, the nargles stole some of her things, including her favorite socks and slippers. She went looking for them and got lost in the Grand Staircase. I made my way up to her and got her down, then brought the lost little bird to the basement and left her in the company of some friendly finders I trusted. They enlisted the aid of some helpful elves to locate and recover almost all of Luna’s lost things. In the meantime, I headed up to Ravenclaw Tower to shake down the nargles for the rest.”

“Then how did you get into our tower?” Padma questioned.

“Same way I got into the Gryffindor one,” you replied, “With a broomstick.”

“Hold on!” Lavender cut you off, “Third year was when the Dementors were stationed around the grounds. There’s no way they would’ve allowed you out to the broomshed at night.”

“They didn’t,” you agreed. “I stopped by a convenient closet on the seventh floor which held all the gear I would require for hunting nargles. There were actually two broomsticks, so with a plan in mind, I landed on the roof and had someone rouse the Ravenclaw Seeker. We teamed up together and she caught the nargle who stole Luna’s favorite socks.”

In reality, when Cho met you out on the roof, you explained how you found Luna and pleaded with the cool, popular, and beautiful swan to please take the lonely, lost duck under her wing, in the hopes that if Luna was befriended by one of the stars of the house Quidditch team, that her housemates would stop picking on her.

“She let me in through the roof hatch, we stopped briefly to celebrate our victory in the common room broom closet, I accepted her invite to Hogsmeade, then we went down to the basement to share the good news with Luna and return her to the nest. But as I was escorting the two Ravenclaws back up the Grand Staircase, I paused and pointed out the phantom landing. I learned that night that Cho has a passion for puzzles… and Luna’s amazing at thinking outside the box. With all three of us putting our heads together… we managed to navigate Ravenclaw’s seven-story maze to reach the phantom landing.”

The four of you watched the image of you and Cho sharing a second celebratory snog in the Legendary broom closet while Luna stood by watching with a glass jar in her hands. To the naked eye, the jar was empty except for the pair of plain white socks at the bottom - yes, somehow those utterly unremarkable white socks were Luna’s favourite. Sally-Anne Perks was so disappointed. But through the Spectrespecs Luna was wearing, anyone could see the small, glowing, insect-like creature responsible for the theft.

You tentatively offered Luna a kiss too, so she could celebrate the special occasion and extra special broom closet she helped find. She didn’t look overly interested, and you initially thought she was going to decline, but then Cho nodded and offered to hold her nargle. Under different circumstances, Cho wouldn’t have believed that such a creature existed, but the Ravenclaw Seeker had been the one to catch the bizarre little bug. It was a feat you and Luna frequently praised her for, proclaiming her as: “The only Seeker in Hogwarts to ever catch a nargle!”

Luna’s kiss was short, chaste… her first, but it rang with the heartfelt gratitude of a lost girl you found.

“That was the night they became friends,” you concluded. “There’s something about finding a Legendary broom closet that brings people together. Sometimes literally.”

“Sweet story,” Parvati remarked, “But how does it help us see who’s in that closet now?”

“Because now I’m IN,” you explained, “I established my link with the ball and the closet using a fond memory from the past… and now I can look forward to the present.”

You closed your eyes again and channeled magic to make the smoke swirl as you clearly pictured the empty closet you’d recently been in… then you opened them, and your eyes sparkled anew as you PUSHED the new mental image into the crystal ball.

“There’s no one in it,” Padma observed in a calm deadpan.

“What? NO!” Parvati cried out in disappointment.

“YES!” Lavender cheered, “THEY GOT AWAY! THIRTEEN - ZERO!”

“Oh no! Are we too late!?”

Speaking of friendly finders, the familiar voice of Megan Jones rang out from behind you at the trapdoor.

You had to keep your show going, so you couldn’t take your hands or eyes off the crystal ball. But you were able to call back a greeting. “Seems you had the same idea we did. Get here early to fi–”

Your ex practically flew across the room, slammed into your back, and clamped her hand over your mouth, “Don’t even think about it! I got the finder jokes in the divorce! But yes, we came here to FIND out who was in the closet.”

Sally-Anne Perks and Susan Bones came around the table and filled in the gaps between Padma, Parvati, and Lavender. Hannah Abbott wasn’t with them. She, Ernie Macmillan, and Justin Finch-Fletchley decided there were better things they could be doing with their time and hadn’t continued the class. Zacharias Smith stuck around, much to the ire of some of the others, as had Wayne Hopkins, but he was more interested in Susan Bones than Divination.

Most of the boys fell into Harry’s camp and dismissed Divination as a joke, but stuck around because it was an ‘easy’ class compared to Arithmancy or Ancient Runes. But you, Wayne Hopkins, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Blaise Zabini all had the foresight to realise the positive benefits that came from showing interest in a subject that the vast majority of the witches in class were interested in. Your theatrics with crystal balls led to numerous situations like this where you found yourself surrounded by curious girls from multiple houses, all eager to see what secrets you’d unveil with your staged scrying.

“Lemme see,” Megan’s braided dreadlocks brushed your ear as she peered over your shoulder at the crystal ball. You were taller than her now and she had to reach up to clamp her hand over your mouth, knowing you’d try talking your way out of it if you weren’t gagged. To her credit, she wasn’t wrong. “Did we miss them? Did you see who they were? My money was on him!”

You never could break her of her gambling problem. You hardly had a leg to stand on. Your first wager with Jessica Mateo had started a trend. Your very first signature Quidditch maneuver was called a ‘Gaunt Gambit’. It took place before the first whistle blew and involved you making an ‘off-the-books’ wager with at least one of your opponents regarding the outcome of the match.

But at least Megan hadn’t shared her theory with anyone aligned with Umbridge.

“Oh?” Lavender was quick to press her, “Why’s that?”

“I’ve felt the type of magic his Parsel-tongue can do,” Megan insisted. Your adventures finding broom closets with Megan Jones had NOT involved anything like you’d done with Katie earlier. You were both wary of setting off the prefect alert and getting spanked. “He’s the only one I could think of who could make a girl squeal that loud.”

“I thought it might be him too,” Parvati admitted, having experienced your tongue herself. “I used that ball before he did, and I specifically looked to see if he was in the closet… but got no reaction. We’re taking that as a ‘no’… because when I finally did find him… he was climbing up through the trapdoor.”

“He claims he was watching with Katie from up on the seventh floor,” Lavender recounted, “And then they decided to have some fun of their own in Gryffindor Tower while everyone was distracted with the closet couple. He says he flew his broomstick through her window.” She wiggled her eyebrow, “Sheriff Hermione supposedly ran all the way up there from the Great Hall to catch them on Katie’s bed.”

You were counting on Parvati and Lavender to spread your alibi, and they delivered. It sounded better coming from someone else. Repeatedly saying it yourself would sound too much like you were trying to cover your arse.

“But we have yet to confirm that with Bell, Hermione, or their portrait guardian,” Padma the skeptic pointed out.

“When is this?” Perks piped up from between the Patils.

“It’s the present,” Parvati answered, “That’s the closet now.”

“Can you go back to when they were in there?” Bones inquired from Parvati’s other side.

That question was directed at you, so Megan finally relinquished her hold over your mouth.

Rather than immediately answer, you asked a question that had been tickling our nose since she grabbed you, “Why do you smell like chocolate?”

“Surprised you noticed, “ she remarked, “This room usually smells like a perfume bottle exploded.”

“It’s for ambiance!” Parvati was quick to defend Professor Trelawney’s aesthetic choices. “It forces you to focus with your other senses!”

“And it’s a lot easier to smell someone when they’re pressed up against you,” you pointedly replied. This was a violation of Educational Decree Thirty-One.

“Probably why I can smell Katie’s cinnamon apple all over you,” your first girlfriend retorted. Yay! That meant you didn’t smell like sex. Katie’s cinnamon apple smoke screen worked. “That part of your story checks out. Wherever you were, you were with her. And as for my new scent… the wizard I’m after thinks with his stomach,” Megan explained as she fully released you and stepped to your left, “I thought a scent that smelled tasty would register more with him.”

Lavender giggled… but it was strained and her smile became ****. Oh bother. They both had their eye on the same wizard… not you… but you were still - literally - caught between them.

Time to change the subject back to the original before things got messy, “Anyway! To answer your question, Bones, I can’t go backwards. I already came forward from the past to get to the present. One direction only.” You grinned as you thought of a suitable climax to your show. Parvati wouldn’t like it, but you could use it to coax some answers out of her. “However, I could potentially look forward and see who uses that Legendary broom closet next! As someone who’s had a handful of shutouts in his day, I suspect that if it’s only thirteen - nothing… they might slip back in there to run up the score some more and widen the margin so a Snitch catch won’t cost them the match.”

“Yes! Do that!” Parvati encouraged you, unknowingly sealing her fate.

“But before I do,” you demurred, “We can all see that the closet the headmaster is guarding is currently empty. Perhaps, someone should go inform her that she and her squad are wasting their time? The High Inquisitor still harbors a low opinion of Divination, and providing her with useful information could raise the class’s stock.”

“OR!” Megan countered, “We could not tell them… leave them to figure that out for themselves… and enjoy a peaceful lesson without Parkinson, Malfoy, and Crabbe and Goyle.”

You were about to call for a losing vote, when Daphne Greengrass arrived and solved the problem for you.

“Look! The Hufflepuffs beat us here!”

“Pansy sent us to see if any of you found out who was in the closet,” Tracey announced as she followed Daphne up. Once again, Parkinson proved she had more practical sense than the beleaguered headmaster.

Millicent could be heard grumbling as she climbed through the trapdoor after them. “If you two hadn’t run off during the commotion and made me go looking for you… we might’ve gotten here first!”

Greengrass and Davis were quick to supplant themselves in the empty space between you and Lavender Brown.

“Is that the right one?” Daphne inquired as she leaned in to stare at your empty closet depicted in the crystal ball. “No one’s in it!”

“That’s the closet on the phantom landing,” you confirmed, “It was tricky working around Rowena Ravenclaw’s barrier to see inside, but I managed it. This is the present. I can confirm no one was in it when I started looking and no one’s in it now.”

“And I looked before him and didn’t get a reaction,” Parvati added, “so no one was in it then either.”

The Slytherin girls all developed a passion for Divination. They were led by Pansy, who didn’t have the gift, but that never stopped her from ‘predicting’ all sorts of horrible things happening to the classmates she didn’t like. Professor Trelawney remarked more than once that she brought a ‘negative energy’ into the room with her. Daphne didn’t make mean spirited predictions like Pansy, but she outdid her in sheer nosiness. She was usually one of the first girls peering over your shoulder at the images you ‘conjured’ in your crystal ball. Tracey did the research and was the most likely to catch, understand, and interpret the hidden meaning behind an image.

The combined nosiness of the three Slytherin witches was why you and Parvati were so quiet about your nocturnal activities in the Astral Plane.

“Wait a tick…” you interjected to sow more seeds of confusion,”We’re all assuming the closet couple was a boy and a girl violating Educational Decree Thirty One… which states boys and girls can’t be within eight inches of each other.” You cast a pointed glance over at Megan, who recently grabbed and gagged you from behind, “And you said I was the only boy you could think of to get a witch to wail like that… but what if it was two girls in the closet? We never heard the other voice!”

“I think you’re reaching and you just wish it was two girls,” said Parvati, the witch you watched go down on your girlfriend in a dream threesome.

“That’s what you get for leaving early,” Megan chided you, “With the way the noise ramped up when Umbridge, Parkinson, and Malfoy climbed the stairs, that witch was definitely getting shagged by someone wielding a hefty wand.”

Lavender grinned and eyed the uncharacteristically disheveled dark locks of the shorter witch beside her. “Greengrass, your hair looks awfully messy. And I don’t remember seeing you at the bottom of the stairwell.”

“I left something back in the common room!” Davis dutifully defended Daphne. “And we ran all the way here!”

“Then you should go tell the headmaster that she’s wasting her time guarding an empty closet!” Megan was quick to suggest, doing a complete one-eighty from her previous idea. You and practically everyone else standing around the crystal ball could tell she was trying to get rid of them.

“Will we get expelled if we miss the start of class?” Tracey wondered.

“Not if we’re giving the headmaster valuable information!” Daphne decided. “She can excuse us. We’ll tell her Sparkles sent us!”

Just as quickly as they arrived, the duo departed and were soon climbing back down through the trapdoor.

Millicent trudged to the table and took their vacated spot, her expression showed she had no interest in racing back down the stairs again. “If the closet’s empty… why are you still looking at it?”

Of the four Slytherin girls in your Divination class, Millicent was the least nosy and the most **** to pry into people’s personal business… which made it ironic that she had the gift while the other three didn’t. As she just demonstrated, it helped that she had a lot more patience than they did. It was her own self-sabotage and insistence on using her gift responsibly, to not cause drama, and avoid telling people upsetting things that would ruin their day… or week… or month… or year… or life… that kept her from getting top marks. But Millicent was still one of the shining stars of your class. You made sure to sit close to her so you could both support your friend, but also bask in some of her light and ‘sparkle’ alongside her.

Sally-Anne smiled, “Because Marvolo was about to look forward and see who’s going to be in the closet next.”

“Searching for repeat offenders?” Millicent quickly caught on, “Let’s get on with it then.”

“I will,” you agreed, but paused to point out, “But I can’t help noticing that we have at least one witch from every house present. If you ladies wouldn’t mind providing me with a Hogwarts witchcraft circle… it would greatly increase our chances of seeing what we’re meant to see.”

You were well-read on Divination theory, and spiritual circles were a legitimate component in seances and seeing. They COULD boost the signal if someone else was using the crystal ball. However, a ‘Hogwarts witchcraft circle’ did absolutely nothing when you were the one in control. You were a charlatan playing seer. It wouldn’t impact the image you were implanting at all. But you found that when you allowed others to ‘help’ with the conjuring, it made them less likely to question the resulting images.

The distant scraping of an armchair told you that your theatrics captured Professor Trelawney’s interest enough to prompt the teacher to turn her chair to face your seeing circle. That would make this potentially more embarrassing, but you were committed to your scheme. With the larger audience, Parvati was definitely going to hate it… but she had Lavender for support… and you were hoping it would ultimately help her overcome a personal hurdle.

Megan placed her right hand on your left shoulder then reached over to grab Padma’s right hand with her left. Padma grabbed Perks who in turn grabbed Parvati. Parvati grabbed Bones’ hand, and she grabbed Brown, who grabbed Millicent’s right hand, leaving her to place her left hand on your right shoulder.

“Here we go,” you prompted, then channeled extra magic into the crystal to make the smoke inside swirl more dramatically than before. You closed your eyes and concentrated, then summoned the recent memory of you licking Katie in the closet, and used Occlumency to draw yourself out of it and watch from a third person perspective.

You briefly admired the view of you going down on your golden Gryffindor girlfriend… then swapped gold Katie out for a normal-hued Parvati wearing the same robeless, short skirt version of the Gryffindor uniform. Your dream threesomes made it easy to imagine her in Katie’s place. You shrunk your view down to focus on your back and the raised leg draped over your shoulder. This would initially obscure Parvati’s identity and allow you to do a slow reveal. You opened your eyes, whispered your spell, and PUSHED the imagined image into the crystal ball.

“OOOOOO!” a group gasp emanated from the girls. They hadn’t seen it, but the loud alarms told them what the ‘closet couple’ had been doing during lunch. None of them seemed overly surprised when the new ‘conjured couple’ appeared in the midst of a session of intimate foreplay.

“There they go!” Lavender exclaimed, jumping to the conclusion that it was the same couple. She was half-right. “ROUND TWO!”

“Uh oh,” you gulped as you ‘recognised’ yourself.

“Hee hee,” Padma - and not Parvati - giggled. “You’re in trouble now, Gaunt.”

“We don’t know when this is!” you deflected faux-defensively. “Maybe the headmaster learned she was her own worst enemy during the earlier incident and will put the portraits back tonight? I’ll be perfectly capable of making my way back to that closet then.”

“This still doesn’t bode well for you,” Parvati insisted, “Because that’s not Katie’s leg over your shoulder!” Ironically, she failed to recognise her own leg. In her defense, she didn’t expect to see herself in the closet with you, and the dim light of the broom closet made it difficult to determine the exact pigment of your mystery partner’s skin. The obvious extremes could be written out - the lean, limber leg wasn’t a pale tan like Katie’s, nor was it as dark as Angelina Johnson’s. Instead, it was a shaded shade of brown somewhere in between.

The girls stopped holding hands and leaned in for a better look at the ‘conjured couple’. Only the bottom half of Parvati’s jumper was in view, hiding the defining colors of her house and making more of a game out of ‘guessing’.

“It doesn’t necessarily have to be him,” Susan suggested, “A lot of boys have black hair. It could be Harry.”

You scoffed at the idea of Harry Potter willingly spending his free time in a broom closet. “I think I recognise the back of my own head, Bones.”

“Really?” she retorted. “How often do you see it?” You’d come a long way since first year when she was scared to speak around you. Maybe she took Gaunt-bashing lessons from Hannah?

“It’s the shoulders that do it for me,” Millicent weighed in, “They’re broader. That’s a swimmer’s build. Potter’s practically scrawny by comparison.”

“Maybe it’s Megan!” Lavender Brown was quick to suggest the ‘brown’ girl beside you, “Is Marvolo the wizard you’re trying to entice with that chocolate perfume?”

“No!” Jones insisted, “I don’t go after other girls’ boyfriends!” Deep down, you suspected Lavender already knew that, but took the shot at her Hufflepuff ‘love rival’ regardless.

“She does!” Perks pointed out, unknowingly standing right beside the girl in question.

“Could it be Spinnet?” Millicent offered a ‘safe’ suggestion.

“No,” Lavender deduced as leaned in closer. Her creative, detail-oriented mind which served her so well in this class went to work. “Alicia’s curvier and her legs are thicker. There’s definition in this girl’s calf that you don’t see on most Quidditch players. That looks more like the leg of a… dan… cer…”

You knew the second she put it together because her eyes went wide and her mouth became a thin line. Unlike every other witch at the table, she’d been informed of what you, Katie, and Parvati got up to in the Astral Plane. She’d even popped in to watch once. The idea of you and Parvati together in a closet wasn’t a foreign concept to her.

“This isn’t the same couple,” she concluded. She didn’t dare look over at her best friend and risk outing her to a table of witnesses, and instead her eyes found yours instead.

You made a show of catching her train of thought, then supplied a distraction. “Katie wouldn’t mind if it was Spinnet. Her biggest issue would be not being there to watch.”

Bones took the bait, “Revealing a lot about your relationship, Gaunt.”

“Oh no, my Gryffindor girlfriend’s adventurous! There’s a shocker!”

“Adventurous enough to get shagged in a broom closet?” Prefect Patil failed to recognise the familiar leg, but was quick to call you out.

“If you know how to get in that closet with the portraits missing, please tell me!” you requested, and decided to further ruffle the reserved Ravenclaw’s feathers. “Wait! What if it’s YOU in the closet with me? If it took two Ravenclaws to get me there the first time, maybe enlisting a third could be the trick to getting back!”

Padma’s face went as dark as Parvati’s had when you questioned her ‘dream shag’. “I’d NEVER do that!”

Lavender frowned. “Maybe we should stop? We’ve determined it’s not the same couple. Let’s let Gaunt’s mystery hook-up stay a mystery.”

“Since when do you have a problem with nosing into other people’s business?” Megan was quick to clap back at Brown after the dig Lavender took at her. She patted you on the back, “Come on! Let’s find out who you’re with!”

You focused on the crystal ball and drew the view back, exposing more of the mystery girl’s gray jumper, until…

“EEEP!” Parvati squeaked and leapt back from the table when her red and gold Gryffindor tie came into view.

“FOUND HER!” Megan exclaimed, “You were looking at the wrong side of the table, Brown! IT’S PARVATI!”

The boy they were preparing to feud over was temporarily forgotten as Brown practically bulldozed Bones to reach her shocked best friend’s side. She grasped Parvati’s arm with both hands and cheered, “GET IT, GIRL!”

The three Hufflepuffs at the table went quiet. The witches from Helga’s house easily recognised the show of loyalty and moral support when they saw it.

Padma sent her embarrassed sister a very judgy look for debasing herself in a broom closet and causing her secondhand embarrassment, so you decided to defend your preferred Patil and rile the Ravenclaw up further.

“OR,” you countered, “We go with my theory! It’s Padma and she borrowed her sister’s uniform!”

“I DON’T DO THAT!” Padma insisted, more worked up than you’d ever seen her. “I’m not some slag!”

“AUGH!” Parvati wailed and looked on the verge of tears. Because if it wasn’t Padma in the closet, then everyone at the table knew who the ‘slag’ was. Lavender hugged Parvati and GLARED at the judgy sister. This proved why Parvati never found the courage to tell her twin what she did with you in the Astral Plane.

You felt guilty for setting Parvati up for this scrutiny. You were so used to spending time with the adventurous Gryffindor Patil that you hadn’t anticipated the identical Ravenclaw’s extremely negative reaction to the broom closet scenario.

“Of course not,” you agreed with a calm, teeth-baring smile, “But now you know we’re going to be observing, so you have the foresight to disguise yourself in a conveniently-sized Gryffindor uniform.”

“Oh, yeah,” Megan decided to go with it, “I can see why a prefect wouldn’t want anyone to know they were getting busy in a broom closet. Conflict of interest. Is this what you guys do on patrol? Hannah’s been holding out on us!”

“NO!” Padma objected, alarmed that someone supported your crackpot theory. She leaned in close, eyes locked on the crystal ball showing you going down on her sister. She was so concerned with clearing her own name that she’d sacrifice her sister’s. “Turn it! Tilt it! Show a face or something! I know it’s not me!”

“As the lady wishes,” you acquiesced. You closed your eyes and refocused on your image, then since Parvati’s leg was over your left shoulder, you rotated to the right where you had a clear view of your face.

“OH!” “WHOA!” “Wow!” Gasps came from the Puffs around you, because your face was pressed against your partner’s core, with your lips gliding across a pair of slick, smooth, brown lips, and your tongue working the pink folds between them. Your nose was nestled in a neatly trimmed triangle of thick, black hair, which was peeking out from a pair of silky pink panties you knew Parvati had a preference for.

“That’s definitely Parvati,” Padma said with conviction.

Bones sent the Patil beside her dead eye stare, “So your sister is the slag?” The lone Ravenclaw flinched as she recognised her own harsh words being thrown back at her.

Oh dear, Padma’s unsisterly disloyalty had earned the wrath of a pack of hostile Hufflepuffs.

“She doesn’t have to do it!” Padma protested. “This hasn’t happened yet!”

“I know how she knew!” Lavender chirped with a smile that was anything but innocent, “Padma stopped shaving!” Yup, Lavender the lioness was protecting her ‘cub’ and now the claws were out.

“EEEP!” Padma let out a squeak that was identical to her sister’s and leapt back from the table, just like she had. Her face flushed to the same dark brown her twin was previously sporting.

Pansy Parkinson inadvertently started a trend at the conclusion of Gilderoy Lockhart’s ill-fated Dueling Club. Hermione Granger pulled her hair, and Pansy went off on her, calling the bushy-haired girl with large front teeth a “bushy beaver with a bushy beaver!” The verbal barb landed and evoked enough laughter from the onlooking crowd that the mortified muggleborn girl fled the hall in tears.

Megan Jones was already in a foul mood, and stepped up to have a go at Parkinson. But Pansy realised she’d struck gold by taunting Granger about her pubic hair and gave Jones more of the same. “You’re not fooling anyone with those braids, Jones! We all know you’re just a brutish troll with a wild jungle bush!”

But while the oft-bullied bookworm with fragile self-esteem fled in tears, the tall Quidditch player responded by hauling off and socking the mean girl in the face. Pansy ended up with a broken nose and a black eye (the former was treated by Madam Pomfrey and the latter was treated by you) while Megan got a week of detention and lost ten points for - as Professor Snape said - “Fighting like a troll.”

In the aftermath, there was a mad scramble for the younger, female population of the school to learn some variation of the Dilapitary Charm, because no witch wanted to be caught with a ‘bushy beaver’ or a ‘jungle bush’.

From your late night adventures in the Astral Plane with Parvati, you knew that the dark triangle was actually the bottom half of a black diamond. You also knew that Lavender trimmed her hair in the shape of a light brown heart. The two Gryffindor girls coordinated and each sported one of the RED suits from a deck of playing cards.

Meanwhile, if Padma ever followed the witchly maintenance trend, she hadn’t kept it up.

Even though she and Lavender had traded barbs, Megan - who rebelled against the trend and stopped shaving back then to spite Parkinson, inspiring a small but loyal faction of ‘hairy Hufflepuffs’ to rally around her for the rest of the year - was quick to come to the Gryffindor Patil’s defense and hone in on the Ravenclaw Patil as her target. “Hey, Patil, since you’re such an expert… I’ve got a few questions about these ‘Sister Slags’. What makes one? Is it hooking up with Marvolo in a broom closet? If that’s the case, I’ve been one since first year.”

“I… you were dating… it’s not as bad,” Padma backpedaled.

Perks tilted her head, “So… when Megan let me snog her Parselmouth boyfriend… was I being a slag?”

‘Let’? Megan practically threw her at you!

“It… you had permission…” the Ravenclaw reasoned, “so it wasn’t cheating.”

That was the perfect opening.

“If cheating is what makes a girl a slag… then I can confidently say Parvati isn’t one,” you stated, “If this is happening, then that means your sister went through the proper channels and got the Boss’ permission.”

“And by ‘the Boss’, do you mean Bell or Bulstrode?” Bones inquired, “Because I’m pretty sure Millicent has a comprehensive list with all the slags that have gotten permission over the years.”

“My name’s at the top,” Millicent stated.

“Hahaha!” Megan laughed, “Lookit you bragging about topping another Gaunt list!”

“Wait!” Perks exclaimed, “Is that how Katie stole the top Vaunted spot from you?”

“No,” Millicent said as her face flushed, “She tracked down Gemma and convinced her to give up her silver spot… and then she jumped me to grab the gold.” Gemma scored her own victory and claimed Blythe Parkin’s former spot as your favorite professional Quidditch player. You had one of every Gemma Farley poster currently in print pinned up to the walls of your private prefect dorm room. The Poster-Gemmas were especially flirty with you.

“Ah-HA!” Megan remarked, “So the bold Gryffindor Chaser slipped past the Green-Eyed Chaser and Gaunt’s Keeper to score. That’s impressive.”

“Why am I being heckled?” Millie complained, “We’re supposed to be watching Patil’s sex tape. Can we get on with it? I’ve got a theory for how they ended up in that closet.”

The three Hufflepuffs and the SlytherPuff stepped closer to the table then leaned into better watch the scene of you licking Parvati’s box.

Both Patil twins seemed shocked by the sisterly support Parvati’s ‘indecent’ transgression was receiving from every teenage witch in the room who wasn’t her sister.

“At least we know for sure Parvati wasn’t the witch in the closet earlier,” Susan supplied, “She was next to Lavender the whole time. Everyone saw her.”

“Damn right, she was!” Lavender confirmed and patted Parvati’s arm.

Perks leaned back to pat Parvati’s side, “For what it’s worth, you have a very pretty pussy, Parvati.”

“Look at her drip,” Megan pointed out the shimmering juices running down Parvati’s thigh on her planted leg. “That’s the sign of a quality licking from a Parselmouth.” She shoved you, “So at least Sir Licks-a-Lot is doing a good job of it.”

“Of course I am,” you stated, and couldn’t help smiling. “As a Potions prodigy and a Parselmouth, it’s a point of personal pride that a witch enjoys herself when I stir her cauldron.”

“I think… that’s the point,” Millicent imparted, then nudged your arm much more gently than Megan, “Now that we’ve identified her, you should be able to focus on her face so I can confirm my theory.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you agreed and hoped Millicent’s interpretation would coincide with your staged show. You hadn’t anticipated Padma’s highly negative reaction, but that ended up putting the Puffs in Parvati’s corner. You closed your eyes and concentrated as you raised the view off of you and above your head to focus on Parvati’s pretty face. Her head was resting against the wall, her eyes were squeezed shut, and her mouth was open as she gasped and moaned intensely like she normally did when you tongued her box in your mindscape.

“There’s our new banshee!” Lavender commented, and patted her best friend’s back, “One point to Parvati for getting lucky without cheating!”

“This confirms my theory,” Millicent concluded. “Patil said she was using that crystal ball before Marvolo… that means she’s still attuned to it… and now we’re looking at the two of them in the closet together. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Like a bunch of us, she was standing at the bottom of the stairwell listening to that witch wail and a part of her enviously wanted it to be her. And she imagined Marvolo, because - despite Harry Potter being a closer, more convenient choice - our friendly fluent Parselmouth was the best person she could think of to get her in that position where she’d make those kinds of noises. We don’t know when this happens, it might not happen, it could just be something Pat-Parvati wants to happen. You wanted to enjoy yourself like the banshee was… and now, there you are, enjoying yourself in the banshee’s place.”

“I… I’m not… I don’t…” Parvati stammered.

“You’re hardly the only one,” Megan reassured her, “Parkinson was so **** for some of that action, she’s already got her first conjugal visit to Azkaban planned. I kinda regret not being able to see the look on her face when Greengrass tells her the closet couple got away.”

Millicent took a deep breath, “I know if I was using that crystal ball first… it would probably be showing me howling against the wall with my skirt bunched up.”

“But we were supposed to be looking for who was going to be using the closet next,” Lavender reminded everyone.

“And then we held hands for a witchcraft circle,” Bones imparted, “and now it’s showing which one of US might be using it next. What we were meant to see.”

“I THINK SHE’S GONNA CUM!” Sally-Anne exclaimed.

“GO! GO! GO!” Megan started chanting, prompting Lavender, Susan, and Sally to join in.

You had enough social grace to realise that, as the lone wizard among a coven of witches who were banding together in a show of loyal, supportive, sisterly solidarity, it was in your best interest to shut the fuck up and let it happen.

A small smile spread across Parvati’s face as her mortified embarrassment faded in the wake of her best friend, your best friend, and the three Hufflepuffs cheering her on like she was a Seeker about to catch the Snitch. Meanwhile, your eyes flicked over to Parvati’s actual sister, who was watching in shock as the other girls cheered her sister’s ‘shameful’ display. After your performance in the Grand Staircase, it seemed the school was turning sex positive.

“There she goes!” Lavender crowed and hugged her friend like she’d just won a Quidditch match, “THAT’S TWO FOR PARVATI!”

“Wow! Her eyes are rolling back!” Megan observed, “That’s how you know he’s using Parseltongue up in there.”

“Hang on… what’s that on her forehead?” Millicent interjected as she pointed out the golden glow.

You grinned. You’d reached the climax of the show. The intense release caused Parvati’s third eye to appear in the ‘future’ vision. You’d seen it enough times that it was easy to add.

“An eye?” Susan questioned, “A third eye?”

“It must be her inner eye!” Sally-Anne realised.

“Haha! And her third eye’s rolling too!” Megan added with a laugh. “That’s another point! Looks like three is your lucky number, girl!”

“I think…” you finally removed your hands from the crystal ball, causing the image of Parvati’s three-eyes O-face to fade into wisps of white smoke. “…we just learned why Parvati and I are making use of that broom closet. I’m helping her… achieve enlightenment… and open her inner eye.”

Parvati stared across the table at you, eyes wide and nervous. While the sisterly support from the others came as a pleasant surprise and curbed her embarrassment, the concept of bringing your rendez-vous from the Astral Plane to the waking world scared her.

“Parvati… I know how important Divination is to you,” you said and pitched the idea of helping her achieve clarity like it was your first time discussing it. “And I’m willing to help. But we’ll need the Boss’s approval to proceed because I’m not doing it behind her back. Katie might not be keen on Divination, but she’s not heartless. If you ask her and explain how important it is… I think she’s open-minded enough to let us try it.”

“Still using that illegal aging potion?” Bones inquired. Megan must’ve told her friends about it.

“I’m still in the testing phase and haven’t filed for the patent or publicly released the formula yet,” you stated, “so the Ministry can’t claim my non-existent potion is illegal. That also proves that if it was me in the closet, the badges wouldn’t have gone off, and no one would’ve known about it.” You looked across the table, “By the way, Katie will most likely ask to be there to supervise.”

“Ooo-ooo!” Lavender cooed, “If Katie’s gonna be there in the closet, then I’ll be there too. For moral support.” Parvati blinked and turned to stare at her in surprise. “What? We can’t see the rest of the closet. For all we know, Katie and I have been in there with you the whole time.” Brown took a deep breath, “And if you’re really nervous… and you’re worried about anyone thinking you’re a slag… I’ll do it with you! We’ll be Slag Sisters!”

“…what?” Millicent blurted out.

“Sister Slags!” Megan interjected with her preferred wording.

EVERYONE was staring at Lavender in surprise. The boy she was prepared to feud with Megan for was pushed aside in favor of supporting her best friend in a moment of need.

“It might not open my inner eye,” Lavender forged forward to create her own future, “but it’ll still feel good. I can go after you, or before… whichever makes you more comfortable. We’ll be a tandem pair of banshees!”

“A trio if Katie decides she wants a go,” you stated, “Fortunately for you, Thursday is Katie’s birthday and I intend to have her in a very good - very generous - mood, so there’s your window.”

Lavender nudged Parvati, “And Katie likes it when he comes in her window. Ooo~ooo! She’s only one floor down! We could dangle you out our window to reach hers! That’d get her attention!”

“You can’t actually be considering this!” Padma protested.

“Yeah, I know,” Millicent agreed, “Why dangle from a window? Use the stairs like sensible people.”

“Not that!” Padma snapped, “Masturbating in the loo before class is bad enough! But now you’re actually considering oral sex in a broom closet!”

“Don’t you shame her!” Megan once again came to Parvati’s defense, “Marvolo, cover your eyes.” You obliged. “Any witch in this room who’s pleasured herself in a Hogwarts loo… raise your hand.” You felt the hands on your immediate left and right go up. You were reasonably sure there were at least three hands up on the other side of the table. The only one you were unsure about was Bones. “Looks like you’re outnumbered, Prefect Patil.”

You made a point to avert your eyes as you uncovered them… and caught Professor Trelawney lowering her hand.

“What’s your problem?” Lavender went on the offense, “Your sister just learned a way to have an intense, eye-rolling orgasm and open her inner eye! You should be happy for her!”

“It’s indecent!” the conservative Patil complained, “It’s against the rules! It’s illegal!”

“Oh, please!” Sally-Anne scoffed, “They’re eighteen. Where I come from, that’s perfectly legal.”

“Let’s not pretend you always adhere to the law and follow the rules, Patil,” Susan Bones, niece of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, called out her fellow Dumbledore’s Army member.

“What’s your issue?” Millicent pressed her, “It’s not like it affects you.”

Back into a corner and outnumbered, Padma pushed back, “YES, IT DOES! WE’RE TWINS! When Parvati does something… people automatically assume I do it too! When word gets out that she’s snogging, licking, shagging boys in broom closets… it won’t be long before I’m getting propositioned too! And then we’ll have the ones looking for a two-for-one special, asking if we’re sisters who share everything!”

The Weasley twins and the Carrow twins were both sorted into the same house and played into that sort of thing. But the Patil twins were sorted into different houses for a very clear reason.

You shook your head, “Any wizard who can’t differentiate you from your sister… or who thinks the two of you are interchangeable… or a package deal… isn’t worth getting in a closet with. You’ve chosen the path of a scholar. Fantastic. You’re a responsible prefect and you hold true to your moral integrity even when the school administration doesn’t. That’s to be commended. No one here’s putting you down for your morals or your choices… the issue is that you were so quick to put down someone else for their choices… and that someone ended up being your sister. You two are walking very different paths. What works for you doesn’t necessarily work for her. Parvati’s on a journey of spiritual enlightenment and we’ve all now seen something that will allow her to harness her powers. And as her sister, you can either support her or get out of her way!”

Padma flinched and stepped back, “You… says the boy who’s going to be licking her! After what happened earlier, Umbridge will have all of you shipped to Azkaban if she catches you!”

“Then she won’t catch us,” you stated, “She can’t punish me for something we haven’t done yet. And as much as you might want to protect your sister, it’s her choice to make. As long as Katie says yes, I’m in.” You looked over at the twin you were attempting to encourage, “I’ll gladly take that risk if it will help you on your journey to spiritual enlightenment. Because standing by and not helping someone achieve their potential when I’ve seen a vision showing me I have the tools to do just that would go against MY moral integrity.”

“Wait!” Millicent interjected, “So if I had a vision that you shagging me in a closet would unlock my inner eye… would you do it?”

“Absolutely,” you agreed without hesitation.

Millicent darted forward and grabbed the crystal ball, “Come on, crystal! Help a girl out! Mamma wants to score some points!”

The other girls giggled or laughed at Millicent playing up her desperation. Parvati’s small smile grew into a grin.

You smiled in amusement and remembered that you still needed to invite Millicent to Katie’s birthday party. “Easy, Millie, restrain your horny.”

But after the incident at lunch, followed by the group viewing of Parvati’s sex tape, horny energy was running rampant through the room… and the horny gifted witch seemingly tapped into that.

“Surrounded by randy teenagers,” Professor Trelawney mumbled as she took a swig from a sherry bottle.

“OH! Something’s happening!” Perks pointed out as the white wisps of smoke swirled and displayed a new scene.

“That’s not a closet,” Bones noted.

“That’s the prefect’s bath!” Parvati chimed in, her embarrassment forgotten at the sight of someone else’s scene. That she recognised the private luxury bathroom so quickly told you that her not completely prudish prefect sister brought her to see it at least once.

Wait a minute… prefect’s bath… Millicent… OH NO!

There in the crystal ball was Millicent - with damp, dark brown hair, wearing nothing but a black collar with a silver bell on it - seated on one of the ledges running the length of the pool-sized bath. A layer of big, colorful bubbles obscured the water’s surface and came up to Millicent’s pronounced belly. Your and Katie’s equally bare backs were facing the crystal ball’s view as you floated side-by-side in front of the ledge… both you and your girlfriend were latched onto one of Millicent’s massive melons. Millie was moaning, your tongue was swirling around one of her plump, pink nipples as you fondled her, and Katie’s hand was buried beneath the bubbles between Millicent’s legs.

“Damn, girl!” Megan remarked, “Those are some heavy Bludgers you’re packing!”

“Quaffles… would be more apt here,” you corrected, “They’re bigger and more fun to handle.”

Your ex folded her arms across her modest B-cup chest, “You would say that. Chasers and Keepers are known for their Quaffle-handling.”

Lavender giggled, “Be careful what you wish for, Bulstrode!”

“And there’s our confirmation of how Bell scored that top spot!” Perks exclaimed.

“I’ve learned way too much about Gaunt’s relationships today,” Bones concluded.

“HWAAAHH!” Millicent squawked as her face went as red as Fawkes’ feathers, she snatched the crystal ball off the table and hugged it to her chest, causing the ball to go blank. But the damage had been done, a number of the girls had followed the ball to where it was cradled and were now eying the large girl’s large chest after getting a good glimpse at her globes in the globe.

You were relieved that she’d stopped it before anything else could be revealed. Hermione would’ve never forgiven you if you exposed her before she actually worked up the courage to strip off.

Parvati, on the other hand, was less pleased by the abrupt ending, “No fair! We watched mine all the way through to the climax!” Lavender beamed at her best friend regaining some of her spirit.

Thankfully, Fate intervened before you were **** to explain what everyone had just witnessed. And by ‘Fate’, you meant the loud voice of Ron Weasley.

“OI! LOWER THE LADDER SO WE DON’T GET EXPELLED!”

What? The ladder had been down when Daphne and Tracey left. But when you turned you saw that someone had raised it while you were all distracted watching the crystal ball.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” Professor Trelawney lamented with an overly dramatic sigh, “I must’ve forgotten.”

She waved her wand, and the ladder descended to admit the rest of the class.

Yup. Every professor had their favorites.

Your group of eight scattered across the room with you following Millicent to the shelf to put away the crystal ball.

“What’re you lot doing up here?” Weasley asked as he reached the top of the ladder.

You glanced back across the room and saw that Lavender was occupied, having ushered Parvati away into the far corner where they were having a hushed discussion.

But Megan was quick to respond, “We came to find out who was causing that commotion in the phantom landing.”

“Oh yeah?” Ron asked, “Who was it?”

“Don’t know,” Megan replied with a shrug and a casual shake of her head, causing her dreadlocks to lightly swing around her head. “It was empty when we looked. They got away.”

“Good,” Harry said as he stood from the trapdoor. “The less people who know the better. Anyone who wants to use a broom closet to cause problems for Umbridge is alright in my book.”

You grinned and turned to Millicent as the rest of the class climbed up and got settled. “So… I’m supposed to invite you to Katie’s birthday party on Thursday night.”

“Is that what that was?” she asked. “Bell’s bathroom birthday bash?”

“Yup, consider the bells party hats for naked people,” you replied, “For obvious reasons, we’re trying to keep it quiet and only invite people we think would be willing to strip off with me there.”

She sighed, “You already know I’m gonna come.” Multiple times if you had anything to say about it. “But can I at least come early so I’m in the water before Johnson and Spinnet get there? I don’t wanna feel self-conscious around the athletic Quidditch players.”

“First of all,” you responded, “When the Chasers see your Quaffles… they’ll be the one’s feeling self-conscious. Megan’s reaction would be a fair comparison. And second, we’ve already got you covered. We’re staggering the arrival times to make our gathering look less obvious. Their arrival window is ten, yours is nine… along with Cho. Haven’t asked her yet, but she’ll be coming down from the tower and you’ll be coming up from the dungeons, so I doubt you’ll arrive at the same time.”

Millicent turned to face you, “The party comes later… first you need to apologise to Parvati.” She glanced over your shoulder. “She’s trying not to show it, but she’s still shaken by what she saw. Or maybe it was Padma inadvertently calling her a slag that really shook her. She never took it back. Now Patil and Brown are watching the Hufflepuffs to make sure they don’t tell anyone what they saw.”

“They won’t tell,” you replied confidently, “Those particular Puffs are all about girl power and sisterly solidarity. You saw how they ganged up on Padma. They wouldn’t out a girl to a bunch of boys. Her box, your tits, and the identity of whoever they saw you letting play with them are safe.”

The witch who often acted as your second conscience stared through you and placed her hand on your shoulder, “You have to make it right.”

“Yeah, alright,” you agreed. You’d done what you’d done for a reason, and you needed to ensure Parvati understood.

The two Gryffindor girls were facing out from the far corner, so they saw you coming as you crossed the room. Lavender stepped out to meet you, her expression showed that - despite her offer to be tandem banshees with Parvati - she wasn’t overly pleased with you. She shoved your back to push you toward Parvati, who nimbly danced around you so that you were the one in the corner and her back was to the rest of the room. That meant you watched Lavender cast the Muffliato Charm so you wouldn’t be overheard by anyone nearby, then stood guard so her best friend could have a private conversation.

This also meant that Parvati’s look of betrayal was directed entirely at you, “How could you do that to me?”

“Are we talking about present-me or future-me?” you asked, “In both cases, my intent would be to help you.”

“Help me!?” she snapped, “How does exposing everything help me? We have a good thing going, bringing it out into the real world could ruin everything!”

“Or it could be the next step in your spiritual journey,” you countered, “I’ve seen what you can do. Parvati, you’ve had VISIONS in the other place when I’ve helped you achieve clarity.”

“That only works because you massage me ahead of time and channel all that extra chakra into me,” she argued, “When I go off there, it’s like I’m bursting!”

“And you don’t think I can do the same thing out here?”

“It’s too much of a risk!” she insisted, “Do you know what would happen if it got out? For you, it would be fine. Another notch in the bedpost of the castle’s casanova. But for me… I’d be the slag hooking up with a boy who isn’t my boyfriend! You heard Pad. She already looks down on me for what I do in the loo before I come here. She thinks it’s just an unnecessary superstition. But if I start letting you lick me in broom closets… she’ll think I’m a slag! She’ll tell our parents! How am I supposed to look my father in the eye after Pad convinces him that I’m a randi.”

“Based on situational context, I’m going to assume ‘randi’ translates to slag.”

“It’s closer to whore.”

“Is this a conservative parents thing? Or an Indian cultural thing?” you questioned.

“A bit of both,” Parvati admitted.

“Well, someone informed me in a dream once that Indians created a world famous sex book.”

She huffed, “Why did I think it was a good idea to tell you about the Kamasutra?”

“I’m pretty sure you were bragging,” you replied, “But it was enough to pique my interest. I looked into it.”

“Of course you did,” she groaned.

“Did you know there’s a magical version? One with extremely innovative positions that involve temporarily removing certain bones to make the couple more flexible for positions that would’ve previously been impossible?”

“Really!?” Lavender blurted out, it seemed she was on the inside of the Muffliato Charm.

“Really,” you confirmed. “But, to me, the more interesting parts were focused on Eastern mysticism and described passing tantric, spiritual energies and chakras from one partner to another… like we do in the Astral Plane. This goes back to the first recorded Parselmouths. Because while Herpo the Foul was causing havoc in Ancient Greece, using his ability to cast deadly curses and create the first Basilisk… one continent over in Ancient India, the snake charmers found positive ways to use their ability and used their magical tongues to pass magic through their lovers so they could harness the spiritual energy and cast spells! That’s how they harnessed their magic! These techniques predate wands! Don’t you see? You’re not shaming Indian culture… you’re embracing its ancient magical traditions!”

“You try telling that to my parents!” she challenged you.

“That’s all the more reason why we should do it,” you explained, “So you can harness your powers and have something to show for it! A part of your sister’s reaction is from wanting to protect you from the very thing you’re afraid of: a bad reputation. But another part is that she’s jealous of what you can do. Like most Hogwarts students, she subscribes to the European school of thought that’s taught here. No amount of reading or studying will allow her to do what you can. There’s a spiritual aspect of magic that can’t be taught. It has to be experienced and felt. You’re open-minded enough to embrace the mystical aspects of spiritual liberation and enlightenment highlighted by the Eastern schools. And if you keep holding yourself back because you’re afraid of other people’s reaction… then you’re never going to achieve your full potential. And I think that would be a tragic waste of a precious gift.”

She hugged herself and still looked extremely nervous, “When would I even need to use it…”

“The seventeenth of June.”

You’d been so caught up with inspiring Parvati, that you didn’t see Professor Trelawney approach. The Divination professor was the only person in the world who Lavender would permit to enter Parvati’s privacy bubble at such a crucial moment.

“Sorry to interrupt, dear,” the professor apologised, “I was making my rounds and reminding the class that your Divination O.W.L. exam will be on Wednesday, the seventeenth of June.” She placed a comforting hand on Parvati’s shoulder, “I have complete faith in you and am predicting you’ll do outstanding.”

And with that, she was gone, leaving her young protégé staring at you in wide-eyed surprise.

You raised an encouraging eyebrow, “I believe we have a date in a broom closet. Your birth sister may not approve… but your spiritual sister does. Lavender loves you. She’s been supporting you all this time. Professor Trelawney believes in you and sees great things in your future. And now that the cat’s out of the bag… I can publicly support you too. Millicent and the Hufflepuffs don’t have the full picture, but they know enough to realise we’re not hooking up on a lark… we’re doing it with a purpose. It’s been an honor and a privilege to be a part of your spiritual journey thus far… and I think you’re ready to take the next step on the road to your destiny.” You channeled the Bard for extra inspiration, “~Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.~”

Lavender’s Muffliato Charm made it so the rest of the class couldn’t hear what you and Parvati were saying… but EVERYONE saw Parvati throw her arms around your neck and hug you.

Remarkably, all of those eye witnesses had gone mysteriously blind when Pansy and the other missing Slytherins arrived because not one of them mentioned seeing you and Parvati violate Magical Degree Thirty-One.