John Will Remember That

"I know. I know, I just…"

Layla gave a shuddering, anxious sigh as she let her gaze waver, traveling down John's chest and to their untouched appetizers.

"I thought that we'd put this behind us. I didn't think this was going to affect our relationship, and I certainly didn't think she'd happen to be here today. I'm sorry for putting you through all that."

"She's obviously your ex. Your very recent ex. What exactly happened to make her so pissed at me?" John avoided outright stating the obvious, that Tessa seemed to fully regard John as a homewrecker, and gave Layla a chance to explain or evade it as she chose. Which one she decided on would tell him as much as her answer.

Layla's words didn't come for quite some time. She seemed a bit less distraught now, but no more stable or under control. Her eyes were flickering slightly, and she had the look John knew he himself wore when he was under pressure, right up until a frown broke the intense anxiety and turned it into a deeply shamed grimace.

"I've already told you about just how intensely I feel about you, John," Layla began, awkwardly rubbing her left arm with her right in a sort of comforting self-hug. "Your aura drew me to you like a moth to a flame, to the point that you were practically irresistible just by being who you are. As we spent time together, I got a chance to see more of who you are. I... know we haven't really talked much. We've always been caught up in one thing or another, chasing after Albidians, or running across the country, or stealing dates in between you preparing to march off to war. But what I've seen of you I really do adore."

John's jaw tightened a little bit, the tendons in his neck standing out as his body started to tense. Layla's words seemed to drift to him over a breeze that whispered of storms, revelations he wasn't in the least happy about.

"But when we first met, Tessa and I... we were dating, John," Layla admitted more plainly. "And it was partially the fact that I was always running off to help you that caused our split. Coming to join you on your trip to the west coast was the final straw."

"I didn't want you to break up with her," John said quietly, his knuckles white in his lap as his fingers clenched into a fist. "I…"

John wanted to say that he never would have asked Layla to help him if he had known that it would cause that kind of strife, but the lie died on his lips. He'd asked Layla for help when the Albidians invaded his world, and then several times more when he was tracking down the survivors, eradicating the last traces of their organization to the best of his abilities. There was no point during that period that the ache in his heart was ever dull enough to consider setting it aside for the sake of a relationship. Not his own, and certainly not those of any others.

"I know you didn't," Layla said all the same, reaching forward and taking John's hand. John flinched away reflexively, feeling disgusted with himself and Layla in that moment, and Layla's face shattered. The pallor that came over her cheeks and lips gave her an almost deathly appearance, echoing memories of the sacrificed half of Bella's face in John's mind, and the way her breath left her, John may as well have struck her directly.

"But it happened anyway," John half-whispered, clasping his hands together on their own, knuckles white and his fingers shaking slightly. "And it's been going on this whole time. Since we first met. Hasn't it?"

"...I was dating Tessa the day we first met, if that's what you mean. Back in Teajuvenation," Layla confirmed after a moment's pause. Her voice trembled with the admission, though there was a certain sharpness coming to it that he couldn't place. Not directed at him as much as it was a desperation that couldn't be hidden. "But I assure you, John, I never did anything forward with you while I was dating Tessa. I didn't even let myself touch you. I'm, err, I 'm not entirely sure I could have, back then. Sometimes it's difficult to handle even now."

Her hand reached out for him again, though it stopped partway this time, torn between offering itself and grasping furiously at him in a despairing need.

"And all because of my aura. Something I don't have any control over. And seemingly, neither do you," John murmured. "Because of that, I cost you your relationship. And perhaps more importantly, especially as she had nothing to do with this, I cost Tessa hers. Whether intentionally or not, I'm a party to that now, and I have to live knowing that. I never wanted to be a part of something like this, Layla. Certainly not the cause. I don’t know how I can reconcile with this, with… all of this.”

Layla looked into John's eyes, and there seemed to be an instinctual revelation passing through her mind. John had never mentioned Lunaya to... well, to anyone outside his own little family, even avoiding Tricia's questions about the changes to the Canid's living arrangements. But Layla seemed to grasp what was going through John's mind well enough to better understand why he bore the look of a man torn between screaming and retching.

"John, this isn't something you caused. Tessa may be angry at you, but that doesn't mean you're a party to what happened. Our relationship didn't end because I was helping you, it ended because I wasn't telling her what was going on. Because I wasn't entirely sure myself. Not at first. But I am now, and my only regret is that I didn't break it off myself sooner."

"Really? Your only regret? Not that I didn't figure out what was going on sooner and stay away, or that I didn't find someone else to help me?" John asked, so disgusted with himself and the situation that his tone couldn’t hide the bitterness and anger surging through him. “Maybe that would’ve been best. You wouldn’t be so influenced by me, and I wouldn’t have stolen you away from Tessa. Maybe we’d be better off if we broke things off now, so you could begin healing from whatever I’ve done to you.”

A wash of white discolored Layla’s skin once more, a coldness that settled over her mind as much as her body, putting the former discoloration to shame. She had nearly matched the color of the marble decor by the time she began to whisper in a quivering tone, her lower lip trembling with each word.

“John, I only ever wanted to help you. I did it at first because I was fascinated by you, yes, but also because it was the right thing to do. I came after you because I felt like you needed me, and I’ve never asked you for anything in return. I understand that you may not be happy about what has happened, and I’m so, so sorry for how uncomfortable it has made you, but I can’t go back and change what has already happened. Please, John. I chose you, and I did it knowing what it would cost. Don’t talk to me like this. Don’t… don’t make me lose the last thing I still have.”

Whatever walls had been raised by the distaste John felt for everything at the moment crumbled as swiftly as Layla had, and John’s tight expression loosened into a downcast concern. He still didn’t reach out to her, still kept himself pressed tightly into his own seat to prevent what felt like an explosion from escaping him, but when he spoke again, his tone was softer, and his words no longer held the edge that sought to sunder the world around him merely for existing.

"Sorry, I’m not- I don’t mean to lash out like that. I’m just not fond of the idea that I cost you that relationship, or that I cost Tessa hers. You were happy before, apparently. Tessa certainly seems to think so, at least. I could have seen how affected you were by me if I was less oblivious to everything. I could have stopped things from going this far."

"I don't think so," Layla said simply, shaking her head. "What I feel? I admit, I did try to tell myself it was a fluke, a strange phenomenon, at least at first. That it was just some magical anomaly, one that I simply had never happened upon before. But it was never that. Not from the very first moment. What I feel isn't just your mana. I feel it in everything you do. I couldn't turn away from that, not even if you had never returned a single call or message I sent you. Honestly, John, you could have chased me away, and I still would have followed after you. What you have, what you are, calls to me like nothing else."

"And you don't think that's... bad? Scary? Crazy?" John asked, fighting the urge to throw his hands up in the air, or look at Layla like she'd grown a second head. "This came out of nowhere - you didn't choose it, you didn't fall for me and find me irresistible, you just got overwhelmed by whatever is unique about my aura. Tessa just said that your change in behavior was so drastic, she was worried you were under someone else's control, and you're, I dunno, you're really okay with that? Even though it cost you a relationship?"

"It may be a drastic change, but I'm not under anyone else's control," Layla emphasized, lowering her head, almost as if pleading with John. "Tessa was always smarter than me, and I've always been able to sense out any changes in my aura. Nothing manipulated me, nothing influenced me. I was drawn in by your aura, and what I've seen of you since then has only made me happier about that. You're a very incredible man, John Newman."

"I just..." John sighed, bringing his hands up to cradle his face, fighting the urge to rub at his eyes and temples. Gamer's Body may have prevented actual headaches, but he certainly felt whatever the psychological version of one was building rapidly. "I was already a little uncomfortable with having you help me as much as you did. And I told you how hard it sometimes is for me to recognize when someone has feelings for me due to my own issues. I've come to accept your help, and your affection, but... I don't know if I can accept this. This way you're drawn to me, the way you've lost so much for my sake. Not when it feels like all of this is something you have no control over."

"John, I can't control that I feel this way. Maybe if I tried, I could. And if I truly wanted to, I suppose even if I couldn't resist the call of your aura, I could flee. I could run far, far away, to somewhere that I'd never sense you again, even being so familiar with your aura. But I don't want to."

Layla shifted, pushing her hands a little further out, into the space where John's arms had been before he moved them to rest his head. Her look had become even more ****, a starving woman pressed against the glass of the finest deli in town, a drowning woman clinging to the only piece of flotsam still bobbing above the water.

"Tessa was right. I knew what would happen if I left the apartment that day, and I made my choice. These feelings are real, they're a part of me as much as my abilities to sense auras. Whether it's the will of Gaia or just a cosmic coincidence, it's as natural as mana itself. But I'm not asking you to accept that. I'm asking you to accept that neither of us can change it, and to not make decisions for me. I’m telling you that this is who I am - what I choose to be. And I’m asking you to accept that. I made my decision, John. And I chose you."

The weight of those words hung in the air as still and untouched as their food in the silence that followed. John's eyes slowly wavered from Layla's hands to her face, then back to those outstretched digits once more. With another sigh, this one of an uncertain acquiescence, John lifted his head again and reached out with his left hand, settling it in Layla's palms, which sprang around it voraciously the moment his skin touched hers.

"Maybe you're right. At least as right as anything about this can be," John acknowledged, "though I'm still not sure how I like all this. I wish you had told me about your relationship before."

"I never intended to start a relationship with you while I was with Tessa, John. I want you to know that. I'm really not that kind of girl, not for anyone, and I swear I'd sooner carve into my own flesh than cheat on you. Had things progressed in the same way they did save for that parting, I'd have broken things off with Tessa anyway before ever even mentioning the idea to you. And if you ever asked me to date you, I'd have told you I was in a relationship, I promise."

"I believe you." It was true enough. John was afraid to ask exactly when Layla had started to want a relationship with him, and he wasn't sure that effectively saying 'you didn't ask' was really a good response to why he'd never heard of Tessa prior to today. But he did believe she would've revealed it to him... if only because he really wanted to believe it. "I do. I just wish things had played out differently."

"So do I. But I... hope we can still work things out?" The question was a plea, and Layla's fingers were tracing inquisitive circles on both sides of his palm as she stared into his soul.

"I hope so too," John murmured, a bit non-committal in his choice of words. "I wish that things could've worked out better for all of us, though. Tessa included."

"I do wish I hadn't left on such bad terms," Layla admitted, "but I would have made the same choice regardless, and it was never going to be an easy one."

"I suppose not. Even still, I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about. It might be foolish, and maybe it still would have ended with me getting slapped, but I'd like to imagine that if we'd all started this off with better communication, maybe there's some chance she'd have been open to the idea of staying with you."

John let his eyes wander to the doorway, and in doing so, he missed the utter look of astounded stupor that crossed over Layla's face. By the time his wandering thoughts drifted back to the table, Layla's expression was composed again, though her mind was anything but.

"I don't think she would have been, err, keen on that, John. Tessa isn't like me. Bi, I mean. She's a lesbian," Layla explained, blushing only a little as she revealed that information.

"Ah, yeah, I should have asked to be sure. Still wouldn't mean that she couldn't stay with you, but I doubt she's big on sharing anyway. Like I said, probably foolish, just... wishing things could have worked out differently," John explained, giving a slight shrug. "I don't know her, but I don't like hurting people. And it seems like she made you happy. Maybe even still does. If there's a chance you could have kept that, if there's a chance she'd consider the idea, I would have liked for you to have that opportunity."

Layla's fingers paused in their gentle rotations, pressing into John's hands with pressure that bordered on intense. "I... I don't know what she'd think about that. I mean, that sort of conversation never came up. But what about you? Would you really be okay with that? Going on dates, calling this a relationship, we'd still be doing all that? You'd be sharing me too, you know."

"Yeah. I mean, in this specific scenario. In general..." John couldn't help the slight twitch of his fingers as he contemplated the idea, but the reflex was momentary and only slight. "I dunno, maybe it's a touch of sexism, maybe it's just an extension of my sexuality. Hell, maybe I'm just too used to seeing girls being sensual and romantic together. Whatever it is, I don't actually mind the idea of you being with another girl. It's just guys that bother me."

Layla stayed quiet for quite a while after John's admission. Her fingers eventually resumed their caresses, but the silence dragged on long enough that John eventually took notice of the time. Despite the fact that they hadn't yet so much as touched their food, they'd been here for quite a while already between their earlier chatting and the disruption of their date.

"I wish this had happened a bit sooner, so we'd have more time together to figure it all out. I'm going to be doing a lot of heavy training over the last few days I'm in Springfield, and I know you don't relish the thought of joining us, so this will probably be the last we see of each other until I come back. Unless you're planning on following me out of town again."

Layla shook her head at John's suggestion, and a lonely smile blossomed to hide the evidence of that intense inner scrutiny she'd fallen into. "I can't, John. I have things to do here in town, preparations to make. In case things... don't go well with the war."

John's muscles tightened up a bit, and this time the anxiety didn't vanish so quickly. He gave a slight nod, knowing that all he could offer to deny her implications were words that he couldn't back up with anything more than faith and a **** need for them to be true.

"I understand. If worst comes to worst, I'll come back for you. And we can go from there, I suppose."

John reached out with his other hand, giving Layla's arms a gentle caress as he pulled free of her grasp and stood from the table at last. He had only a vague recollection of what this shop's inflated Abyssal prices were from the menu that he felt he'd last looked at hours ago, so he simply pulled a wad of cash from his inventory that he was reasonably sure would cover the cost of their appetizers in full, somewhat grateful that their server had been wise enough not to return for their full order, and patient enough not to ask them to leave. The wad of cash he produced plopped onto the table with a hefty 'thud' sound.

"Take care, Layla. I'll be back. I promise."

"You've never failed yet," Layla responded, her voice almost weak, her eyes trailing after John as he headed for the door, along with several other sets of eyes that were far less inconspicuous than they thought themselves. In just a few seconds, Layla was left alone in the diner, staring at the untouched food, her mind focused on something far more troubling and startling than any simple war or relationship drama.

"He really meant it. I could tell he meant every word. And I think... I'm happy about that?"

Layla's lips curled down into a frown, any happiness she felt about the words overwhelmed by the newfound sense of loss she was faced with. Since Tessa had presented her ultimatum, since Layla walked out of their apartment a month ago, Layla had wanted nothing more than to be together with John. Together and alone, with the only thing that either of them truly needed in this world - each other.

"I was so happy when Sophia told me that she thought they'd all go along with it. I've been working so hard on planning out ways for us to end up alone together. Together forever, happy, with the only thing we really need right there in our arms. I never even imagined that it might not be us alone there. I always thought I'd manage to convince him of how perfect we are for each other, how we were destined to be together, and get him to leave all those distractions of his behind.

"...But he doesn't see them as distractions. Not even when they're my distractions."

Layla reached out to the dish in front of her, gently stroking the rim as she stared at the deep-fried pickles splayed out on the tray. She'd been so enthralled by John's very presence that she'd hardly thought about her order until she noticed Tessa's eyes wandering to it during their abrupt confrontation. Now that she was left alone with her thoughts, now that the shock and guilt were beginning to slowly dull to a more manageable state, the memories were coming back to her. Memories of laughter, giggling, and the touch of another's fingers against her lips as Tessa finally convinced Layla to try the shockingly delicious little treats.

"He just sees Tessa as someone who made me happy. Who... makes me happy. Am I right, or is he? I've never thought of her as a distraction. I... I still love her. Just not as much as I need him. I never even considered that the two could exist in the same world."

Layla reached into the basket and grasped one of the oily little treats, lifting it to her lips and holding it there. The scent of grease and dill smothered her, and the memories returned even more strongly. She could hear laughter, laughter with a twang that made her heart ache.

"I know John and I are meant to be together. I know we are. And I won't accept anything else getting in the way of that!"

Salty and savory blended with a crunchy bite, and Layla's eyes watered as much as her mouth did at the nostalgic taste.

"But they aren't the reason I could have lost John today. None of them are responsible. Even Tessa... even she was only here because of what I did. Are any of them actually in the way?"