Connor’s Descent

Warning: this story explores themes of shame, sexuality, and submission. Characters are depicted struggling to accept their own desires and questioning their identity. If you might be sensitive about these topics I’d recommend checking out my other stories instead. Otherwise, enjoy!

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Connor had never been a very strong guy. He felt like he was cursed with bad genetics. He had narrow shoulders, skinny arms, and legs. Not much body hair of any kind. Even his voice was on the higher side. He was average height, but given his frame he looked like he could be blown over by a strong breeze.

What he lacked in physical appearance, he did not make up for in personality either. He was meek, unconfident, and difficult to talk to. Everyone either pushed him around or ignored him. He was a bit of a loner, as you might imagine.

He never had much luck with women. The few women who did agree to go on dates with him were motivated either by pity or were too anxious to say “no.” On the dates, several had gotten up and left early. Most ghosted him afterwards. If a woman agreed to a second date, it usually became obvious that she just wanted a free meal.

The one time he’d successfully kissed a girl, she grimaced afterward and he never contacted her again. Another time, a particularly honest woman told him the hard truth. He reminded her more of a little boy or a woman than a man, in the worst way possible. Every romantic experience he’d had thus far had been a bigger humiliation than the last.

Now in his late 20s and still a virgin, all of this had resulted in Connor developing a crippling porn addiction. It had started normally, but he’d progressed into more niche subgenres. He started watching BDSM films where the women were in pain. He’d jerk his tiny dick watching women being tied up and **** to cum by the real men he wished he could be like.

One evening, he had set up on his couch with his laptop plugged into the TV. He had already been gooning for a while when he switched to a random bdsm scene he’d found online. He kept a bottle of lube nearby. Empty tissue boxes lay around him on the coffee table and floor. He held his tiny dick, which was only two finger widths tall, with his index, middle finger and thumb.

In the scene, the woman was bound between perfectly arranged metal bars so she couldn’t move an inch in any direction. She held tightly in a doggy style position, and she wore a leather collar around her neck which was connect by a short rope to a bar behind her neck This made it so that if she relaxed her neck too much, the line would be tight and the collar would **** her. A male actor circled her. He was fit and muscular with a huge, erect cock that bounced when he walked.

He walked up behind the girl and grabbed two bars on either side of her, which were meant as holds. The camera switched to a bottom-up view. Connor watched as the man lined his cock up and pushed it inside the actress’s wet pussy. He reached for the bottle of lube sitting next to him and squirted out a fresh pump.

As the scene continued on the screen, he started fixating on the male pornstar’s balls slapping against the woman’s freshly shaved cunt. He imagined the feeling of the balls hitting her over and over. Not as if the balls belonged to him, but what it felt like to be the woman.

Since Connor’s porn addicted brain was so blank as he gooned to this video, he did not stop to examine what this thought meant about himself. He just continued jerking his tiny cock, embracing the feeling.

The actors repositioned in the scene, adjusting the bars so the woman’s ass was lowered and the male actor could fuck her ass. Connor watched in anticipation as the actor lined himself up. Then, using only the juices from the woman’s pussy that already coated his cock, he slowly worked himself inside her tight asshole.

Connor watched intently, imagining the feeling the actress must have felt with the head of a man’s huge cock touching her asshole. The pressure was building up as he pushed inside of her and stretched her hole that, unlike her pussy, wasn't designed to be filled. Curiosity built, and without much thought, he pumped a shot of lube in his other hand and rubbed it over his fingers. He put his feet on his coffee table and leaned back. And his fingers found his own asshole. He slid one inside while continuing to jerk his tiny dick with his other hand.

This was the first time Connor had ever touched himself this way. It felt dirty and wrong, but it also felt so good in a way. Without much thought, he started matching the pace with the video. He imagined being in the woman’s position on all fours with this big, strong man plowing his asshole. The scene progressed, and the male actor bucked into the woman more aggressively. The camera switched to a close-up shot of the man’s dick sliding quickly in and out of her ass. Her butthole puckered around it.

Connor's fingers sped up to match the actor's pace as the male actor got closer and closer to climax. The woman moaned deeply with pleasure, and so did Connor. He felt his finger inside himself even more intensely than the feeling of stroking himself.

Finally, the male pornstar bucked and bottomed out inside the woman, shooting his load deep into her rectum. She cried out in ecstasy. At the same moment, Connor plunged his finger as deep as it would go and released a guttural moan that caught in his throat. His cum shot out of his cock and stuck to his hairless chest. He felt his asshole clench around his finger as cum continued dribbling out of his little dick.

The video ended, and his apartment went silent. He panted heavily as he came down from the hardest orgasm of his life. He looked down at his softening cock and pool of cum on his chest. His hands were covered with a mix of juices and lube. He became aware of the musky smell of sweat and ass.

A wave of shame washed over him. What does this mean for him? Is he gay? Is he trans? Maybe one of those femboys he’d jerked off to before? All he knew was that, whatever that was, he wanted to put it in a box and lock it away. He got up from the couch, trying to avoid getting lube and whatever else on it and waddled to the bathroom. His ass cheeks felt odd, sliding past each other. He washed his hands and ran a shower. He tried getting the lube out, but it felt weird the rest of the night, reminding him of what he’d done to himself, but also how good it had felt to cum with something hard inside him.