I never meant to make it such a mess, I never thought that it would go this far

While Vivian and Dani were bonding in the sauna, Nick and Morgana were undergoing a bonding ritual of their own.

In a manner of speaking.

Morgana’s face was as scarlet as could be. She sat perched in the water with her knees up to her chest and her arms curled forward like some kind of twisted gargoyle. Her raven hair, let down from her twintails, pooled and swirled around her like an inky oil spill in the water, curled around her body in a bouquet of sharp thorns.

It seemed difficult to approach her like this, which was kind of a problem. Because now that it was just the two of them, the purpose of their date was rising back up again. Dani, reading the room, had considerately let them have their space together, so they could continue their date.

But Morgana wasn’t cooperating.

Until she was.

Nick opened his mouth to try to talk, but she cut him off with a sudden gasp.

“N-Nick!” Morgana blurted out, her eyes wide. She scooted forward in the water, her inky hair whirling around her as she did. Nick jerked back, surprised by the sudden movement. His arm shot down in the water to push his erection away- it had been slowly throbbing this entire time, and the last thing he wanted was for Morgana to see it.

That was one of the other reasons he’d kept his distance.

Fortunately, Morgana wasn’t looking at his dick right now. Her gaze was frozen in a blank stare aimed right at his face, but Nick knew that wouldn’t last long. The minute she got too embarrassed her eyes would drop down, and she’d get quite a sight. So as subtly as he could, he tried to work his cock down into the gap between his thighs, squeezing it tight to keep anything untoward from “coming to the surface” as it were.

Again, he was fortunate that Morgana didn’t notice. She was too busy reeling from the embarrassment of interrupting him.

She finally found her voice again a couple seconds later.

“That… that was a surprise,” she mumbled out. “Running into Dani and Vivian… l-like that… you don’t really see those two together all that much…”

Nick was pretty sure that wasn’t what Morgana had interrupted him to say. He suspected that her panic and desperation had made her pivot away from what she actually wanted to talk about.

He also chose not to mention to Morgana how Dani and Vivian had actually been getting a lot closer these past few days (at least according to Dani, during their workout session this morning) so it wasn’t unusual to see them together at all.

Of course she wouldn’t know that; she wasn’t exactly a people person and she spent most of the day cooped up in her room. Nick’s heart ached slightly as he realized the implication there- while the other girls were working on their relationships and getting closer, Morgana was stagnating.

He wished he could help her out somehow. But he didn’t know what he could do to make things better for her.

“…I think it’s nice, that they’re getting along,” Nick said, feeling like an idiot for not having a better response. But then, it wasn’t like this line of discussion had been something he’d planned for, after all.

Morgana swallowed and nodded hesitantly. “Yeah… Vivian… she’s… a really friendly person… she’s really good at making friends, I mean…”

The “unlike me” went unsaid. Very loudly.

Nick sighed. “Vivian is… Vivian,” he said, careful not to let the conversation drift too far down that path. The last thing he wanted was for Morgana to spend their date time together focusing on other girls and what she perceived as their superiority compared to her.

Personally, Nick believed that while Vivian was far more outgoing than Morgana, the shy, sincere goth in front of him was actually a lot better at making friends- genuine friends who really cared about her and wanted the best for her.

That escaped his lips before he even realized it.

“You’ve got some friends yourself though,” he found himself saying, much to Morgana’s surprise.

She blinked and looked curiously at him. “O-oh?”

Swallowing, Nick nodded slowly. “I mean, last night you and Holly both stayed in Dawn’s room, right?” Not even Morgana could argue that Dawn wasn’t her friend, so he was confident he could get through to her that way. “Trust me, it takes a lot to get Holly to sleep anywhere other than her cage.”

One night he’d offered to let her join him and Mary in bed. She’d refused without hesitation. Heck- she even refused to use the empty bed Mary had abandoned to sleep with him!

Apparently his adorable little self-proclaimed sex **** found it much more appealing to be locked away in a cage than to be treated like a human being.

Go figure.

Nick saw the tension straining Morgana’s face start to ease up and he smiled, pleased by the way she seemed to be perking up. His words were having an effect, which was good! And she was even nodding in agreement with him.

“…Ella and I get along too, just saying,” Morgana added, playing with her bangs. Nick heard the confidence slowly starting to return to her voice. “So yeah… you’re right, I guess I do have friends. And Dani, too, she’s a friend, we both like anime… and Carly…”

Relief washed over Nick and he found himself relaxing. Yes, this was exactly what he needed. Once Morgana started it was hard to get her to stop, and he hoped she would talk herself right into a boost to her self-esteem.

…Only problem? The more she talked, the more effect her words would have on him down there.

“…And even Vivian, um, she and I got along really well that one time! She helped me choose a new outfit and everything!” Morgana was practically giddy now. “I felt like, um, like… so that definitely wasn’t my color, ick, but the sentiment was really great…”

Nick **** himself to keep smiling even as he felt the arousing effects of her words acting on his lower body. The more she talked the more desperately he wanted to push her down, but he had to control himself. The problem was… how could he tell her to stop!? The more she spoke the happier she became, and that was what he was rooting for, right?

He had to just suck it up and keep his sexual urges in check. For both of their sakes, but mainly for hers.

Or maybe she’d be happy to know that I’m turned on right now, even though she suppressed her other transformations? He considered. Maybe that’s something she would be happy to hear. It would probably go a long way in boosting her self-esteem again, right?

…

Nick banished those thoughts as quickly as he could. That was the horny, irrational part of his brain talking right now, the part of him trying to convince the rest of him that it was fine to be feeling this way because it wanted an excuse to act on those urges. He had to keep himself from giving into that side of him.

“Maybe… maybe it would go okay if I tried to get to know the others more…” Morgana considered. She was on the right track, but unfortunately using the wrong transport to get there. “I could throw an anime-watching party, invite everybody…”

Could go well. Could go up in flames. Nick would have considered weighing the pros and cons with her on any other occasion, but right now…

His brain just wasn’t receiving enough blood flow to be an active participant in this conversation. Not that Morgana needed that from him. She was doing just fine on her own.

Until she fell silent suddenly. It took Nick a second to process that she wasn’t talking anymore, and had switched to just staring at him.

For a moment, he wondered if he had missed something; was she waiting for him to reply to something she’d asked?

His face burned with sheepishness (and other emotions) and he stammered out, “Um… sorry, what… what was that?”

Morgana was blushing too.

“No, it… I didn’t… say anything,” she clarified in a husky whisper as shame blazed across her face. “I just… realized… I’ve been talking too much…”

Her eyes drifted down and Nick realized that his restraint had slackened. His dick was no longer being pinched between his legs, and it had floated up, bobbing just below the surface.

The steam of the water didn’t do a lot to conceal it.

“Err… s-sorry, this… this is-!” Nick hastily moved his hand down to cover it, and Morgana bashfully turned away. As she did, Nick felt like a loser for the first time in quite a while. What was he doing? Why was he reacting like this? He and Morgana had been intimate several times already, he shouldn’t be having this much trouble just holding a conversation with her, Sotto Voce or no, and he definitely should have been able to handle her looking at his penis.

They both should have.

But the fact that this was a real date between the two of them, their first time alone together in a casual, nonsexual setting in quite a long time, was making something clear that Nick had been trying to discourage Morgana from believing.

He didn’t see her as just a sex object. He really didn’t. But the context of their relationship together and their interactions with one another… it had made things very complicated between the two of them, in a way that had sadly limited their other avenues of interaction.

Before their date even started Morgana had expressed the fear that the only value she brought to Nick’s life was in what her body could do for him; that she was someone only brought onto the show to have sex with him.

That wasn’t true. Nick denied that with all his heart! And yet… every cell in his body wanted to just pounce on her, to push her down into the water and have his way with her. He knew that she would like it. He understood it on a primal level.

But he was better than that! They both were! Today wasn’t about getting his physical needs met! It was about connecting with her as a person! That’s what he’d promised today, when he set out to get to know her better.

If the end result of today’s date was just a bunch of fucking and nothing else, then he wouldn’t just have failed as a suitor; he would have failed as a man. And as a human being, for that matter.

“I’m sorry!” Morgana blurted out suddenly, stunning him. Once again she’d managed to speak before he could get a chance to, and this time she’d said exactly what he’d meant to say.

But why was she the one apologizing?!

“It… it’s my fault…” Morgana looked down, and the dejected expression on her face made Nick want to cry. “Because of my… my transformation…” Her voice hitched and she realized she was doing it again. She **** her throat to constrict, changing her tone into a squeaky, mouselike timbre that wouldn’t have the same effect on him as her usual tone would, and continued.

“…It’s getting you worked up like this, right?” She timidly inquired, looking up at Nick with an apologetic expression on her face. “You’re feeling… like… like you want to…” It was too embarrassing to say out loud, but she needed to. “You want to fuck me like this, don’t you!?”

From Nick’s point of view, it looked like Morgana had sacrificed several years of her life in saying that. Her whole body seemed to sag like she’d just run a marathon, and her sweaty figure sank deeper into the water until just her chin was above the surface. Soon, that sank as well, until she jerked back up into a seated position with her arm awkwardly extended over her small breasts.

She still looked humiliated.

“I-I wanted this to be a… a normal date… I assumed it would be fine if we… if we went to take a bath together, but… even this is too much…” Morgana thought she would have been thrilled to feel Nick’s lustful eyes running over her old body. She’d assumed it would fill some deep hole inside her, clear away some vague, yearning doubt she’d always held, and that, if he was satisfied with her even looking like this, that meant that she had something to offer him.

Instead she just felt guilty.

“No, Morgana,” Nick croaked out, shaking his head. “I’m the one who should apologize… I’m so sorry… sorry…”

Now it was Morgana’s turn to be confused. She looked quizzically at Nick, wondering what he could possibly have to apologize for. She was the one making him feel this way, after all, and she had been talking and talking and talking without giving him a chance to settle down.

So why was he…?

Nick displaced the water with his hands, splashing some onto his face in the hope that the warm water of the spring would clear his mind- or at least hurt a little to get his mind off these lurid thoughts plaguing him right now.

Morgana looked even more confused by that action.

Finally, Nick raised his head, trying as hard as he could not to let his lust take over.

“I know what you said before, about… about us just having a normal date together, and yeah… your transformation, it’s… making that really hard…” Nick stammered out.

Morgana’s eyes instinctually jumped down towards his crotch and she gulped. Mentally, Nick slapped himself.

“Not… that… that wasn’t what I…”

A maddening giggle escaped Morgana’s lips as she trembled with giddy amusement. “S-sorry, just… that was… funny.”

He supposed how she could think that. He just felt mortified.

“…You’re not just a sex object to me,” Nick swore, shaking his head. She had to believe him. She had to! If she didn’t, then… then Nick would feel like an absolute piece of garbage. “But right now…”

“Nick, it’s fine!” Morgana assured him. She was back using her normal tone of voice without thinking about it, which was causing problems again. “Really! I… I know it’s because of my transformation, I don’t care about that.”

She gave him as sweet a look as she could muster.

“…Okay?”

Nick swallowed. She really was adorable. But was it really just okay? Did she really not mind? He wished he could believe her but he found himself plagued by doubt. After all, Morgana might be fine now, but in an hour? In a day? A week? Would she think back on their time together in the hot spring and say to herself “You know… Nick really only seemed to be lusting for me… he didn’t really care what I had to say, did he?”

It was awful, because Nick really, really did care what Morgana had to say! But he knew how her brain worked. She always focused on the bad. Never the good. And he wished he could change that, he wished he could… but he was just a man. He couldn’t make sure that every single moment of every single day was perfect for his date so that Morgana never had anything negative she could focus her attention onto.

That would be impossible.

Right now, though… Morgana didn’t seem to care about that. Even as her face burned from embarrassment, she was still trying.

Nick needed to try too, for the sake of their date together. And for the sake of Morgana’s self-esteem, both right now and in the future.

“I’m just… sorry,” he apologized again, knowing it lost impact every time he did but unable to think of something else to say. “I wish I could be a better date for you, Morgana, but I keep messing up. I’m really…”

He was about to say “sorry” again, but at least he managed to stop himself this time.

Morgana bit her lip and slowly shook her head. “No… it… it’s okay,” she said finally, and to Nick’s surprise, she managed to stand up.

It took some doing, and she almost slipped. But she was standing in front of him now, completely naked, letting him see… well, not as much as he would have thought. Her long black hair clung to her body like seaweed, wrapped around her in a makeshift cocoon. With her pale skin and baggy eyes, she looked remarkably similar to a Japanese ghost girl from a horror movie.

Only her eyes were warm and glowed with embarrassment instead spite for the living.

“I… I know… I’m not much to look at… l-like this,” Morgana said bashfully, fighting every urge she had to cover herself. She **** her arms to remain frozen at her sides. “And… maybe… maybe I should be flattered that you’re still attracted to me… but… I’m not.”

Nick looked at her in confusion. What was she trying to tell him?

“Morgana?”

“You’re right,” the goth girl blurted out, shaking her head. “We… we should be doing more than just… lust. That’s what I want, after all… a real relationship. But my Sotto Voce, it’s not… it’s not making things better, so…”

Nick had a sinking feeling that Morgana was about to come up with some way to suspend that transformation, too.

Then he saw the hungry look in her eyes.

“S-so maybe… maybe we should just stop fighting it,” she stammered out, taking a shaky step forward.

Immediately, Nick understood what she was after. That step was all he needed to confirm his sinking suspicions.

Sex!? Are… is she crazy!? She wants to have sex, right now?!

The whole point of this date was for Morgana to NOT be just a sexy goth girl for Nick to lust over. Sure, maybe she’d stripped away a lot of her sex appeal, but he was still lusting over her!

And… and she wanted him to give into that lust? To have sex with her right here in the hot spring!?

If it was anyone else, or even if it was Morgana at any other time, Nick wouldn’t have hesitated. But even though the urges he was feeling made it hard to fight his desires, he knew that this wouldn’t be good for her long-term opinion of their relationship… or of herself.

No, Nick had to put a stop to this, but he was paralyzed by his desires. And if this was what Morgana wanted…

She took another step forward, and promptly slipped on the wet stones at the bottom of the hot spring. With a wail she tumbled forward, windmilling her arms before coming down on him in a splash.

Contact!

Feeling her soft, warm body press up against his was all it took for Nick’s hesitation and doubt to be snuffed out as he reached up to caress the girl who had just landed in his lap. And even though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Morgana’s unsteady footing was a clear sign that she wasn’t sold on this course of action herself, the part of him that was making decisions found it very difficult to care.