I can't help myself

I nod toward his empty glass. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He grabs both glasses and heads inside.

I lean back in my chair, take a drag from my vape. He's probably not going to believe me and will spill to Monica what a wacko her bestie is the minute I say bye, so why exactly am I doing this? I rest my elbow on the armrest and see the screen of his phone sitting on the table light up just as I glance at it.

Message from Vanessa.

“Call back when you can.” With a kiss emoji.

Oh, Ryan...

My stomach tightens. Well, shit.

I slip the phone back exactly where it was and keep vaping, trying to act normal. Figures. Not just “client meetings,” huh? Cheating bastard is probably meeting her today, that's why he's so dressed up.

Ryan comes back out with two cold beers, sits down and slides one to me. “Cheers.”

I clink bottles with him, not smiling. “Cheers.”

He watches me for a moment before speaking. “So... let me be honest with you," he starts, and for a second it looks like he's about to confess. But no... "You’ve been... off. Not just today. Since that night with that maniac.” His tone’s gentle, but probing. “And I suspect this sudden memory loss of yours might be connected to all that. You must remember something, don’t you?”

I meet his gaze. “Maybe.”

He leans forward slightly. “Thalia. Tell me — what happened after the club? You didn’t just black out.”

I swirl my beer a bit before answering. “You really wanna know?”

“Yeah.”

I inhale slowly. “Okay. But before I say anything, you need to promise something.”

He frowns. “What?”

“That what I tell you stays between us. You don’t tell Monica. You don’t tell anyone.”

Ryan tilts his head, squinting. “Why would I—what, did something happen again? Are you okay? I mean, you should go to police and-”

“Promise me,” I say again, firmer now. “Or I walk.”

He sits back, wary. “Look, if this is serious, and you’re not okay... I think you should find help. Besides, you know Monica and I share basically everything—”

Ugh, what a sleazeball. I cut him off. “Ryan. You won’t tell anyone. Because if you do, I’ll tell Monica all about Vanessa.”

That hits. His eyes shift, his posture tightens. Gotcha.

“What?”

“I know everything about you two. You are even seeing her today, aren’t you?”

I don't know shit, of course. But he opens his mouth, then closes it again, completely dumbfounded.

“Yeah... thought as much,” I say softly, taking another satisfying vape drag. My gambit payed off nicely. “You're a piece of shit. You know that, right?”

He exhales sharply through his nose, trying to calm himself, but his tight jaw is giving him out. “You don’t understand, Thalia, it's not like that-”

“Oh, please spare me the speech, I'm not your girlfriend you have to convince,” I say, meeting his eyes. “I know enough. And so will Monica if you don't keep your mouth shut. But... I won’t say anything to her,” I add. “On one condition. Well, two.”

His gaze snaps back to mine.

“You end it. Now. No ‘it’s complicated,’ no excuses. You end whatever that is with Vanessa and you also keep what I'm about to tell you to yourself. For good.”

He stares at me for a long moment. And I stare right back.

“Fine,” he says quietly. “I won’t say anything. And Vanessa... never happened.”

“Good. You're still a piece of shit, though.”

"Jesus... Alright, I get it... So what is it that you're hiding?"

I brace myself. No way to sugarcoat this.

“You remember Ariadne?” I say.

Ryan nods slowly. “Sure I do, the hot red- uhm... Yes, I remember her." Good choice of words right after getting caught, jerk.

“Well... there's more to her. A lot more. Ugh.... it's difficult to explain.” I pause. “She lured me into the alley that night. She... uhm... hurt me, and then—that same guy stopped her-”

Ryan frowns. “Wait. What? Hurt you how?”

“Not only physically, it was more... mentally.” I glance toward the inside of the bar, as if someone might overhear, even though it’s just us out here. “Look, I'll have to tell you as it is.”

He waits. I take a breath and say it.

“Ryan... vampires are real.”

He stares at me. Blank. Then a tiny shake of the head. “Thalia—”

“I’m not joking.”

He leans back, face hardening. “This isn’t funny. If you're blackmailing me in some stupid way, or if you went through some weird shit, I get that, but—”

“I was bitten.”

That shuts him up.

“I didn’t dream it, I didn’t imagine it, and it wasn’t some **** trip. I was there, it happened. I did lose memory of it first, but it came back. Everything.”

Ryan blinks, looking away. “Jesus Christ.”

I lean forward. “I’m telling you this because I need someone to know. Someone to understand I’m not crazy.”

His voice is low. “You sure sound like you are.”

“I’m not.” I finish my beer and set the bottle down with a little too much ****. “You don’t have to believe it — I'm not forcing you to. But if you tell anyone, I’ll tell Monica everything. Including your client training sessions.”

His face twists — not angry, not sad, just... defeated. He nods once and lifts his hands. “Okay. But you need to explain everything to me if you want me to even consider taking this seriously.”

And that's what I do for the next twenty minutes or so.

---

He doesn’t say anything for a while. Just sits there, arms resting on his thighs, eyes fixed on a crack in the wood of the terrace table. Processing. Or pretending to.

I don’t push. I know how it sounds. Hell, I wouldn't believe me either.

Finally, he hums. “So... this guy, Lucius. The one who pulled her off you—he’s the same one who fought Trevor?”

I nod. “Yeah. Nonhuman strength, remember? But he’s not like her, though. He’s... different. Said he’s trying to stop her or contain her from doing further harm.”

Ryan exhales slowly. “Alright. Look... did you consider this might be some kind of con. I know, it's a long stretch, but maybe they’re both just messing with you. Some fancy fang props, fake blood, **** in your drink... People can buy all kinds of crap online now.”

I shake my head. “I thought of that. But you weren’t there. The way it felt when she bit me...” I trail off, fingers tightening around the bottle. “It wasn’t human. My body didn’t respond like it should have. It wasn’t pain. Well, not just pain.”

Ryan shifts, watching me carefully. “That’s what I don’t get. Why didn’t you scream and fight her off? You’re not exactly meek.If someone tried to bite me, I’d flip the fuck out.”

{If Darkness > 49}

I stare at the table for a second, then meet his eyes. “Because it felt good,” I say with a low voice. “That’s the sick part. I was scared, but... once she sank her teeth in, something happened. I don’t even have the words for it. Like I was melting from the inside. My brain just—switched off. It was hot. Wrong, but hot.”

Ryan blinks. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” I say, lighting my vape and inhaling deep. “I... I came while she was feeding on me. I wanted it to keep going. My body betrayed me, completely.”

He rubs the back of his neck, visibly unsettled. “Jesus, Thalia. That's fucked up.”

I shrug. “Exactly. Now you get why I had to tell someone.”

“What would’ve happened if Lucius hadn’t stopped her?”

I purse my lips, considering.

“Hard to say. Maybe she’d have kept feeding until I passed out. Maybe she wanted to keep me around, use me again. Or even turn me.” I pause. “But I don’t think she’d have killed me. It was way too... intimate for her to just drain me.”

Ryan grimaces. “The hell does that even mean?”

I just shrug. “It means I’m lucky Lucius showed up.”

{else}

I wince a little at the memory. “It was... overwhelming. Like being unplugged from myself. I couldn’t think, couldn’t move. And not because I was scared, though I was. My body just... gave in. It was like this warm rush that swallowed me whole. Not terrifying, almost pleasant. It was just... too much.”

Ryan leans forward. “Pleasant? So... it made you stop resisting?”

I shake my head quickly. “Yeah. I wasn’t into it, not like that. But I also couldn’t fight her off. I froze. Like something in me just shut down.”

He sits back slowly, digesting that. “Still creepy as hell.”

“You think?”

“What would’ve happened if Lucius hadn’t stopped her?”

I purse my lips, considering.

I look at him and speak more softly now. “I honestly don’t know. Maybe she’d have drained me dry. Maybe turned me into one of them. Or made me into some kind of... I don’t know, thrall. A puppet.” I shudder. “That’s the part that kept me up at night. I still don’t know what she wanted.”

Ryan leans back, face pale. “Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

{endif}

There’s a silence between us again, a little heavier this time.

“So what now?” he asks.

“I follow Lucius’ advice,” I say. “Stay indoors after sunset. She can’t track me in closed spaces, at least that's what he says.”

We both glance up. The orange sky is deepening, streaked with the first signs of twilight.

“Sun’s going down,” Ryan says, checking his watch. “I can take you home if you want.”

I shake my head. “It’s a ten-minute walk. I’ll be back before she’s out hunting.” I try to smile, but it’s more reflex than anything.

He stands with me as I gather my bag. For a moment, we just stand there, facing each other.

“Look, I want to believe you,” he says finally. “But... you gotta admit, it’s a lot.”

“Yeah, I get it. Believing is the hard part, I guess” I say and then give him the look. “Monica believes in you, though. You got yourself a second chance today. Don’t fuck that up.”

That lands hard, just as intended. His face tightens, but he nods. “I won’t.”

I walk off without another word.