How do you find happiness?

When was the last time William Sawyer felt these kinds of nerves? He felt awkward, enough that it made mis conscious about his own steps and thought he was walking weirdly.

Johana walked in front of him as they approached that rock formation. Lightheaded, heart pounding quickly and with a faint tingle of anticipation between his legs, Will didn’t know what to think about this.

He needed it in more than one way. Replenishing his own aether was important, but there was also the fact he had been deliberately ignoring his sexual desire for the last two weeks. It was something that Will was surprisingly good at, all things considered. He had incredible self-control, which was the main reason Ishtar could not take over his mind when she possessed him. She whispered for him to succumb to base desires, to take women and make them slaves to him. Will managed to resist for the most part, unwilling to go to such extremes.

Will was mentally strong, but far from invincible. Sexually attuned aether already had the effect of increasing his sexual desire, and the deficit of it even more so. His body needed it, his mind needed it, and Johana was willing to help and enjoy every bit of it.

Yet once more, the problem was Will himself. He needed this, wanted this, but there was a reason he had been avoiding it for this long. He didn’t feel comfortable in his own body, he was mentally lost. It was hard to share himself with someone else, to focus on bringing them pleasure when he felt so… unstable.

They walked into the small, shallow cave, confirming it was completely empty. Johana stopped in place and rubbed the back of her neck before turning around to look Will in the eyes.

“So… I’m not an expert. Actually, I’m pretty bad when it comes to romance and stuff like that, but even I can tell you’re not really up for it. Is it me or do you not want to go behind the other girls’ backs or…”

Will **** himself to smile. “Neither of those. The girls would understand, I’m sure. That’s… just the kind of relationship we have. And you…” He chuckled. “Can’t say I wasn’t hoping for things to go this way eventually, if during different circumstances. You’re gorgeous, Johana. And plenty fun to be around, I’m noticing.”

Johana sat down with her back against the wall, facing the entrance to the cave. She patted the spot beside her, calling Will to sit down next to her. “Then? What is it?”

Will walked over to her and sat down, leaning on the hard rock with his gaze on the ceiling instead. He grinned. “It’s your fault, you know? You put into words just what I’d been trying to avoid thinking about.”

Johana raised an eyebrow. “Me? What did I…? Oooooh, that thing about having little love for yourself?”

“Yep.”

Johana clicked her tongue. “Everyone else told me I was too damn blunt for my own good.”

Will laughed softly, but it was genuine. “I’m just messing with you. I’d been feeling off for a long while before that.”

“Why, though? Don’t you have everything you want? Women, power, wealth…”

“Has there been any point where I wanted any of that?” Will asked himself out loud. “When Ishtar possessed me, I felt… hopeless. I felt furious, betrayed, empty… worthless. Her powers made women want me, made them **** for me. Feeling wanted felt good. I thought it filled me, but it was shallow.” Will clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Forget it. The last thing I want is to wallow in self pity. I’ll get my act together.”

“Even a mighty bull will break its head and horns if he charges in against a tough wall over and over,” Johana said. “That’s the feeling I get from you. You just charge in because you’re scared of staying still. But now there’s a wall in front of you and you’re really gonna split your head open if you keep charging against it.”

Will scoffed and looked away. “What? You’re a psychologist now?”

“The hell’s a psychologist?” she asked, then shrugged. “I’m just a good judge of character. With the people I’ve fought, at least. Feel free to ignore me if you think I’m wrong, of course. Still… We’re alone here, some rest would do us some good and sometimes venting to people you don’t know well helps. That’s something I learned from that princess in your head.”

Even having been called out, Ishtar remained silent. She was likely feeling every bit as exhausted as Will, if not more, but that never stopped her from whining and yelling at him. She was choosing to stay quiet, pretending she wasn’t there, even if Will could still feel her.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and talked to the air.

“I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I want. My goals aren’t my own. I thought… I thought I wanted a harem of women who loved me unconditionally. Turns out you were right. I never had any love for myself. Being mediocre is a sin, being good is not enough. I thought I had to be the best so women wouldn’t betray me, so I tried my best to be someone of worth. It wasn’t enough, and at some point I lost sight of myself. Ishtar gave me purpose again, something to aim for, a goal. But now that I’ve reached it, I realize… it was never what I truly wanted. I don’t know what it is I wanted. And now I’m… lost and whining like a damn child.”

“You’re saying being with those girls doesn’t make you happy?” Johana asked him, her tone free of judgment.

…

Will placed himself in his living room, remembered meaningless conversations had with the girls, remembered sweet, intimate moments, remembered the stories told to him for what happened in a single week. He remembered and smiled.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m just… looking for something. Something to call my own, independent from anyone else.”

Johana nodded. “I think that’s a good way to put it. Your happiness shouldn’t depend on other people. Mmm… You know, how about…”

Johana’s words were interrupted by sudden screams. Screams and cheers. It sounded like several people.

Will and Johana shared a quick glance and stood up. They approached the entrance to the cave while staying against the walls, hidden. Even from that position it was easy to see what was happening.

A group of men in regular, modern clothes. Eight of them in total. They were holding swords, spears and shields, raising them into the air as they cheered and laughed. On the floor was another man, dark skin and long, slender limbs. He looked beat up, and a kick from one of the standing men found his stomach when he tried to crawl away.

Will recognized the man on the floor. It was the body the mirrorkin wore as he ran away from him. But among all of them, Will recognized someone else. A woman. A brunette of long straight hair, thick, full lips, big dark eyes, a slender build and a chest so big it almost didn’t match her.

His ex-girlfriend, Helga Cooper, stood apart from the group of cheering men with a very satisfied smile on her face.