Happy Maids

“Ah, the wedding proved to be quite spectacular, my Mistress. I must commend Lady Arabella for her impeccable attention to detail. They even had my favorite Salmon cocktail! And Dame Mildred is truly setting an example we of the service industry should all strive for. There were some...minor complications towards the end but overall? Outstanding. Simply outstanding.”

“Yeah, yeah”, Ora rolled her eyes. “We are soon going to hold our own wedding! And it will be five billion times better than whatever the Ara-ara lady can pull off!”

Preminger bowed politely. “I am sure, Master Pompadour will be delighted to hear about his impending marital bliss. Shall I see to the...arrangements?”

“We have more important things to do first.” Ora barked in response. “I hope your little island vacation didn’t impede our progress!”

“Please put your mind at ease.”

The butler penguin extended his flipper.

“As you can see, my Mistress, progress is moving at a favorable pace. The second floor will be completed by today and we will have the third floor ready by tomorrow night. We are well ahead of schedule.”

“You better be.” Despite the good news, Ora was still scowling. “After that fiasco last time I want everything to be perfect. This IS the greatest challenge ever conceived, right?”

“Of course, my Mistress!”, Preminger assured. “Your challenge is pure brilliance! A masterstroke of ingenuity and creativity! The other hosts will be in complete awe and rend their garments in utter frustration as they are forced to realize their own inadequacy compared to your splendid magnificence!”

“Even the ghost host?”

Preminger smiled. “Especially the ghost host.”

The little host nodded smugly.

I mean, that much was kinda obvious.

She came up with it, so of course this challenge is going to be super awesome.

Preminger cleared his beak. “There is just...if you may allow me one small observation?”

“Whaaaaat?”

“This challenge is somewhat...derivative of certain other seasons' challenges.”

Ora let out a shocked gasp. “SOMEONE ELSE DID THIS ALREADY?"

The butler nodded gravely. ”The resemblance is undeniable, I must admit.”

"Preminger. "The little host dropped her voice to a whisper. “You think they are going to sue us?”

"I find that highly unlikely, my Mistress."

"Highly unlikely, hmmm...", Ora rubbed her chin. "I don't like these odds. Assemble our forces! Let’s see them trying to sue us...WHEN I BLAST THEM INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION!”

“I fear cross seasonal open warfare before the third round would violate our contract, my lady.”

Grrrrrr….! Curse those stupid stipulations!

“Perhaps..”, the penguin butler carefully suggested. “A small letter of courtesy would be more appropriate? To preemptively resolve matters.”

“I prefer blasting”, Ora grumbled. “But I see your point, Preminger. And I like preemptive strikes. Very well. Start writing!”

The little host cleared her throat while the penguin butler produced quill and parchment.

“Greetings, loser host!”

“Dear Madame,”

“I quite like your challenge, so I’m gonna take it for me! Be grateful!”

“I was most impressed with the intricacies of your challenge and would like to take artistic inspiration from it.”

“But don’t get too excited! I switched a few things up that made it ten trillions times better!”

“Some aspects of the challenge were altered to allow each version to shine distinct.”

“I better hear no complaining or I turn all your girls into penguins!”

“Your understanding in that matter would be highly appreciated.”

“Greatest, most genius host in existence.”

“Your esteemed colleague,”

“Ora.”

“Ora”

“Excellent”, Ora nodded satisfied. “Include some leftover cookies or whatever as a gift.”

The butler nodded and deftly sealed the correspondence up with a wax seal. “The letters will be sent at once, my lady.”

With that out of the way Ora snapped her finger, teleporting herself and Preminger high up in the air in order to get a birds eye view of the complex.

She definitely liked what she saw.

The mini-challenge got kinda ruined but this is the real deal. It’s gonna blow people’s socks off! It will make all the other host’s challenges look like child’s play! After this, Mr. Penguin will beg to be allowed to give her the greatest host ever trophy! And she’s going to make the ghost host polish it...with her own top hat!

The little host cackled at the image.

…

YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANOTHER IMAGE!

However her mirth didn’t last.

“The challenge is taken care of, those mary sue hosts as well. And that pathetic producer penguin is eating out of the palm of my hand. And yet...I can not shake the feeling that I overlooked something.”

“I would not know what that could possibly be, my Mistress.”

“The audience!”, the little host suddenly gasped. “I completely forgor about the stupid audience!”

Preminger cleared his beak. “I fear you have me at a disadvantage, my Mistress. How does the Audience pose a problem?"

"You nincompoop!", Ora thundered. “The challenge is still three days away! The audience has the attention span of a goldfish-tamer! They will get bored waiting so long!”

“Ah…”, the butler penguin nodded gravelly. “Audience retention. A troubling dilemma indeed.”

Ugh!

This is super annoying!

How can she retain her audience?

With consensual means to boot!

…

Hmmmm…..

“Maybe I have approached it from the wrong angle”, Ora mused while tipping her chin.

“My Lady?”

“All this time I was obsessing over keeping my audience. But if you have a pet penguin that’s sick and old you flush it down the toilet and get a new one!”

“M-my lady?”

The little host smirked evilly.

Yes, the one thing her show still needs to reach perfection is a little bit of...

Rebranding.

…

..

.

“ROAAAAAAR!”

While Ashley said he had no clue where Liz ran off to, he at the very least could make an educated guess. Thus his steps once again led him down to the underground aquarium.

He does that a lot lately.

He was just in time to see Luigina jump out of the water. Her mighty jaws snapped themselves around a...human shaped straw doll that was dangling over the enclosure.

The doll had a crown on its head.

“Ohohohoho, most splendid, my darling Luigina! Make sure to chew that foolish, ungrateful wretch up properly!”

…

Maybe he came at a bad time.

As the massive shark crashed down on the lagoon below, Liz started barking, alerting the irate zookeeper to the master’s presence.

“Ah, Daddy!”

With an excited gasp Sahara jumped down from her platform and rushed towards him.

Then just before making contact she suddenly stopped and jutted her nose in the air.

“Hmph! We do not know why you decided to show your face again! Your presence is most unwelcome!”

Oh, ok she is pissed.

Ashley tried his best to look repentant. “Sahara, I’m sorry. I overreacted earlier.”

“Hmph!”

“If you want, we can still go try to find your key.”

“REALLY?”

Well, she certainly did a one eighty quickly.

“Y-yes, I just need to borrow Liz first for a bit”, Ash said while scratching the dog girl's ears. “Shizu needs her for some final tests.”

“WAN-WAN!”

“Ah yes, to bring Elizabeth back to her former intellect”, Sahara nodded sagely. “Personally I have grown quite fond of her like this but I suppose it can’t be helped. I will have to powder my nose for our date as well. You may pick me up in my quarters after lunch.”

“Shouldn’t we meet at lunch directly?”, Ashley suggested. "We can grab a bite to eat there first."

Sahara scoffed at that. “Meeting at lunch for a date? How positively uncouth! You truly have a lot to learn about date etiquette, Daddy! A gentleman always fetches a lady at home!”

Well, they weren’t exactly at home and this wasn’t really a date...but Ashley knew better than to argue here.

"And also...", Sahara bend forward and gave the master a little sniff.

smelled the master +0.5 VP(doubled to 1 VP)

First Time Bonus! +0.5VP (doubled to 1 VP)

"When was the last time you took a shower, Daddy?"

"Erk...", Ashley flushed. "This morning?"

"You stink. You absolutely must wash yourself before coming to my abode. I do not care for a date with an unwashed boar."

Insulted the master -2 VP

…

..

.

“Eeeeeeheeeheeep!”

Sahara was in a mild panic.

The moment Daddy and Elizabeth were out of earshot she took off. It's a good thing she told Daddy he smells, that should give her...maybe an hour?

At any rate that was barely enough time. She rushed upstairs, took a shower of her own(courtyard ones because it was faster) and then moved into her small abode to get dressed.

Letting out a rather uncouth curse, she used the minimal utensils (the doctors so called make up kit) to somehow make herself presentable again.

Ugh! This lipstick is far too cheap! And that perfume...is that a MALE DEODORANT?

She wants to attract Daddy, not repel him!

Ah, clothes, She needs clothes!

When Daddy initially denied her date she tore the doctor’s hand me down off rather brusquely, but luckily they were made out of some quite sturdy material.

She gave the black skirt a little sniff. The rich blonde washed them plenty and only wore this outfit for little over an hour but wearing the same garment twice was repulsive to Sahara on many levels but what other options did she have? She can’t well go on a date in her work clothes!

Ugh, why didn’t she go shopping? She has a decent amount of points now, she certainly could have purchased herself some finer apparel than these garish rags!

But there was no time for that. She could only hope the smell of smoke wasn’t too noticeable for Daddy. Why couldn’t that boyish oriental have some more ladylike hobbies, like horseback riding or falconry?

…

Her eyes glanced towards her own pack of smokes. If she remembers correctly...these could increase your bust!

Up until now, Sahara hesitated to fall back on such cheap tricks but she simply must woo Daddy on this date. This was an emergency that required drastic measures!

Resolving herself, Sahara grabbed one of the sticks...

She stuck it in her mouth...

BUT SHE DOESN’T HAVE A LIGHTER!

Knock knock.

HE IS ALREADY HERE?

Why is Daddy so punctual? Doesn’t he know how to be fashionably late?

Sahara spat the smoke out.

“J-just a second!”

Taking one more breath, the rich blonde calmed down her beating heart and took one more look into the mirror.

She raised her hands.

And gave herself a double cheek slap

It was fine!

She looked amazing! Daddy will without a doubt be utterly smitten with her. He probably won’t be able to keep his hand off her, but no! This is only the first date! Nothing beyond landholding will be happening today.

If...when he attempts to go further she must refuse him firmly!

A date with Daddy, fufufu...just the two of them!

Oh, it will be most splendid! They will go boat riding and stargazing and movie watching. And then at the end of it he will go down on one knee and ask for a betrothal.

Ufufufu...fufufufufu….

Knock Knock.

“Yes, I am coming!”

Confidently, the rich blonde strutted to the door, made sure she was striking the right pose to properly show off her perfect hourglass figure.

And opened the door with perfect poise. Not too fast, not too slow.

“Welcome home, Daddy!”, Sahara beamed with a bright smile. “I am most ready for our da...eh?”

“Uh...h-hi, Sahara…”

…

..

.

"I-I don't smell, do I?"

Ashley asked his company who only responded with a confused bark.

He was admittedly just coming from getting a handjob from Shizu and he didn't exactly...clean himself up properly.

Well, a quick shower back in the mobile suite can't hurt. He could also check in if Carol was still there.

Reaching the mobile suite he quickly leashed Liz up and stepped inside. No sign of Carol so he only took a quick shower plus change of clothes. He still had a few other places to hit and he really didn't want to annoy Sahara even more by being late so he made sure to hurry.

Returning back outside he found Liz furiously sniffing the ground and barking.

"Yes, yes I know Carol was here", he said with a sigh as he unleashed her. "Come, I need to have you focus on somebody else."

"Wan!"

To tell the truth, Ashley wasn’t quite truthful to Sahara. He needed Liz for something else before he could hand her over to Shizu.

She needed to hunt down Megan for him. Quite literally, maybe.

As Liz was eagerly pulling him through the hallways, sniffing on every golden penguin statue, Ashley couldn’t help but feel a touch nostalgic.

“I suppose this will be the last time we are going on a walk like this”, he mused with a rueful smile. Once Liz is back to her old self he has his doubts that she will be too keen to be led around on a leash.

The dog girl only happily barked as he gave her a pat on the head.

“Thank you.”

Liz cocked her head in confusion. “Wan?”

…

His remaining time with Liz would prove to be awfully short. The hedgehog had predictably retreated herself back to her burrow, or her cell. Today at least was her date, so she wouldn’t lose any points for not working, but spending all day in here could not be good for her mental health regardless.

Not to mention, her lack of hygiene. Ashley noticed the patches of caked mud already at breakfast and it certainly didn’t look like Megan took a shower since. Seriously that girl is more averse to water then Liz.

...

Oh shit.

Ashley just realized what he is about to ask of her.

Just the day before yesterday, Megan almost drowned.

And now, he will ask her to go swimming in an underwater aquarium.

“WAN-WAN!”

Liz definitely didn’t care about Megan’s potential trauma.

The moment the dog girl sported her cell-mate, she immediately jumped on the bed. The NEET let out a startled yelp as the dog girl began licking her all over.

“Liz, play nice”, Ashley admonished.

The dog girl whined but did move away from Megan, who apparently opted to play dead.

“Sorry about that”, the master apologized.

“W-w-wao–wao–wao...”

…

“Please speak human.”

“Y-you...w-what...want...you...do?”

Alright. She somehow became even worse at communication. That’s great.

Ashley wondered how he should handle this. He will need Megan’s support in order to get into the aquarium but her potential aquaphobia aside, matters aren’t exactly civil between them.

He decided to beat around the bush.

“I was hoping we could have a little talk. About what happened yesterday.”

“D-Don’t...wanna...t-talk about...it…”

And on top of everything else, it was very obvious that Megan didn’t get her daily boobs either.

Seriously? Ashley frowned. After all her zeal yesterday, he was expecting better from Carol.

Liz let out an impatient woof but Ashley held a hand up. “I’m not angry. I just want to know why you did what you did yesterday.”

It took a bit but Megan eventually squeezed something out. “Y-you destroyed my laptop...”

The master gave a nod. He of course wasn’t so blind as to not have expected that response. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. You insulted Dahlia and I...I just saw red. Uh, oh actually! Shizu wants to hold a group therapy session tomorrow at two at the pengium stadium upstairs. That might be just what you need to get over your issues and speaking of the penguin stadium upstairs, funny coincidence that..."

“n-no, you d-din’t…”

"Didn't", Ashley repeated.

"Saw red...y-you didn't...t-that was calculated."

Oh...

"W-what are you saying?", Ashley forced a smile. "No seriously I..."

“T-that was the same thing Shadow did", Megan said while biting her nail.

“Huh?”

“Chapter 587. W-when Amy was in a wheelchair because she got hyper pregnant during the fight against Ultra Eggman Supreme. Shadow blamed her for getting raped and punished her by taking her wheelchair away. S-she couldn’t walk anymore, o-only crawl. Shadow called it her punishment.”

Ashley winced. Did he seriously write this? He had lost all interest in the fic after the first 300 chapters and was pretty much just making shit up at that point. “I...uhh...look I was in a pretty bad place back then. Was this before or after Shadow unlocked Super Hedgehog God 2?”

“I-It’s fucked up. You’re…”

“Don’t!”

Ashley lunged forward and pushed his hand over Megan’s mouth. “Don’t insult me!”

“Mppppppff!!!”

…

Err…

He only did it so she wouldn’t lose any more points but that probably looked a bit…problematic.

Especially once Megan fell backwards on the top with him on top.

Sproing!

Fondle

master fondled your boobs! +1 VP

Showed the master your boobs! +1 VP

Oh crap.

Up until now Megan’s boobs weren’t exactly on his radar. They were perhaps the most average out of the entire Harem?

Well, it’s a toss up between Megan and Liz really.

“Wan-Wan!”

Maybe he shouldn’t think about other boobs when he is grabbing a fistfull of them.

They felt nice though. No contest to Dahlia and Carol in terms of sponginess but there was a nice cool feeling to them and they were just the perfect size to fit into the palm of his hand.

…

Ok. Earth to Ashley. He need to find a way out of this situation that doesn’t end with him getting a kick to the groin.

He cleared his throat.

Looked Megan straight into the mismatched eyes.

“H-Hey, wanna go swimming together?”

…

..

.

“Hmph! Hmph! Hmph!”

Sahara was not very pleased to have her date being accompanied by a third wheel.

Of course it was also Sahara who declared this excursion a date in the first place.

Granted, this was also Ashley’s fault, because correcting her that this was not really a date was too much of a hassle.

“I require the date’s permission to get into the aquarium”, he patiently informed the rich blonde.

“I-I’m your date”, Sahara gasped. “Daddy you could have just asked me! I could have bought that aquarium for you! We ill need the smelly help for that.”

He really should have seen that response coming.

“Let’s just try to be civil, alright?”

“Well, I certainly shan’t be the problem”, Sahara declared with a sniff. “I am not the one who was raised in a barn.”

At least Megan did not react to the obvious provocations. Not that this meant their guide was anything resembling social.

Hell, the only reason she even agreed to help him out was because Liz can be very...convincing.

Unfortunately, Liz was currently in the custody of Shizu. He won’t be able to rely on her any further to tame the unruly Hedgehog who is currently excuding an aura of such gloom that even de Sade would run away in fright.

He was not looking forward to spending the night with her.

He should count his blessings that Megan had at least the decency to be naked.

As such, the unlikely alliance slowly made the trip all the way up to the top of Ludo Manor in a tense and rather uncomfortable silence.

It has been a while since Ashley was last here and sure enough, it was just as windy and freezing as last time. He wasn't wearing a tunic at least but these shorts didn't exactly keep the cold out.

Of course, his company had it even worse, they better hurry up and get in the aquarium tower.

“Oh you wished to go in there?”, Sahara rolled her eyes. “I could have done that myself. I and the doctor went up this very tower when we escorted your bovine friend to her quarters yesterday.”

She made a shooing gesture towards Megan. “That will be all. Your services are no longer required. Go pleasure yourself in a corner or something.”

The rich blonde then demonstratively walked to the elevator and tapped a few buttons.

BZZZT!

ACCESS DENIED! INSUFFICIENT PRIVILEGES

“What! You miserable interface! Do you know who you are speaking to! How dare you questioning my privileges!”

Ashley luckily had the foresight to grab the NEET by the scruff of her neck before she could make an escape. “Megan, if you would?”

Mumbling something about ritual castration, which Ashley surely misheard, Megan pushed some buttons.

BZZZT!

ACCESS DENIED! INSUFFICIENT ATTIRE

“Hah!”, Sahara gloated triumphantly. “If I did not get in here, then naturally someone of your standing would not be granted passage either!”

“No, it said something different with Megan”, Ashley noticed.

Insufficient attire.

...

Don’t tell me Megan can’t be naked for this.

This was complicating things.

Especially since Megan can only wear swimsuits.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, EXPOSED SCUM!”

Ashley craned his neck up.

There, on the very top of the manager tower, stood a lone figure.

“WHEREVER THERE IS A CONTESTANT UNCLOTHED...”

She was dressed in some sort of superhero costume.

“WHENEVER LEWDNESS THREATENS JUSTICE AND LOVE!”

A penguin themed superhero costume.

“THE GREAT VOYAGER WITCH WILL COVER YOU!”

…

“EVEN IF THE SKYE WILL FORGIVE YOU. I WILL NOT!”

Ashley suddenly had the manly urge to spend the rest of the day in bed.

“TOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The great voyager witch jumped down from the tower.

Ashley got a good look at her penguin print panties.

Before he got kneed in the throat.

“BLOUAARGHHHHKKKKK!!!!!”

The great voyager witch struck a pose on top of Ashley’s twitching body.

“THE GREAT VOYAGER WITCH ORA, ALLY OF ATTIRE HAS ARRIVED!”

…

“DON’T RUN AWAY!”

Ora used her penguin(host) power to lasso the fleeing NEET back in.

“What is the meaning of this tomfoolery!" Sahara was of course made of sterner stuff. And since Daddy was playing around with this silly girl, it fell to her to set things straight. "I do not care for my date with Daddy to be interrupted by zany antics!"

“I will tell you what foolery this Tom did!”, Ora(from top a groaning Ashley) fumed. “I’m sick of you and the fake doctor constantly running around butt naked! Even the imp brat is joining in! I mean, what is wrong with you? You are supposed to be all embarrassed and shy while naked! But you are acting like it’s no big deal! Don’t you have any shame? Where’s your sense of embarrassment? This is way too lewd for a Harem!"

“I need a doctor...”

“A clothed doctor, I hope!”, Ora harrumphed and hopped off the master. “Now where was I...DON’T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME!”

Megan(still bound by a magic lasso) only mumbled something in response.

“What in blazes are you even talking about?”, Sahara let out an exasperated sigh. “You may have a point with the physician but the smelly nerd is properly dressed for someone of her standing!”

In response Ora chewed on her thorn crown.

“Ugh!!! This transformation is so stupid! Stupid audience, why did you vote for thaaaaaaat? This was supposed to be a throw away transformation!”

Ora is a mastermind host of unparalleled genius. And yet, she is impeded at every turn by these bunch of imbeciles in the audience. Do you have any idea what she had to suffer through in Ora Saga IV? She had to wear a Lorax costume at one point. A Lorax costume!

But whatever.

Soon Ora will no longer have to put up with those incompetents ruining her perfect show with their stupid decisions.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The little host snapped her finger.

And a brand new shiny laptop appeared right in front of Megan.

The Hedgehog immediately made a grab for it like the little gremlin she was.

But the moment she did…

POOF!

The laptop vanished in thin air!

The host cackled at the Hedgehogs dilemma. “You see, this is a magic laptop. It only appears when you are clothed. Want to use it? Put some clothes on, you pervert!”

“H-how lewd!”, Sahara gasped.

Ora ignored the weirdo. With this, she has ensured the Hedgehog will always remain properly clothed!

Oh?

What’s that?

You are wondering why Ora, the greatest host of all time suddenly wants the contestant of an erotic show to put on more clothes?

Cackle

cackle cackle

CACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLECACKLE!

Let me explain!

The audience(that means you) are a bunch of low brow ill dressed deviants, which Ora frankly can do without!

So, Ora, genius that she is, has decided to get herself a new audience!

And it just so happens that she stumbled upon a huge untapped market!

Children!

There’s barely any underage viewers among the audience! Even though approximately 30% of the multi-verse’s population is under 18!

Hah! It’s so simple, these fat cats never would have thought of it!

That’s right! Starting now Mean Maids will become a wholesome cute adventure show with no sex, that children can enjoy too!

“And your first adventure”, Ora pointed towards the barely conscious master. “Is to find the secret treasure of the legendary Pirate Captain Vanilla! Legends say it is hidden somewhere deep within the very bowels of the penguin aquarium.”

...

Maybe Ashley’s Adam’s Apple will pop back out when he just lies down. That sounds like a nice idea right now, just lay down and maybe he won’t wake up again.

“Are you a bad enough master to find the legendary treasure of the secret Pirate Queen Captain Vanilla? If so, you will have to brave many perils on today’s amazing adventure: “The key to the desert! A Sahara in heat!”

…

“B-But what about my daaaaaaaate!”, Sahara whined.

Undecipherable mumbling-Megan.

“I can see a white light...is that you mother? What are you doing on Harem Hotel?”

“Anyways” the little host ignored again. “I don’t want you to waste valuable adventuring time waltzing all over the place trying to find some swimsuits or a priest, so here is a quest starter bonus.”

The two girls and half dead boy were pricked with thorns.

FULL PARTY HP AND SANITY HEAL!

NEW GEAR ACQUIRED!

Sahara’s punk outfit was changed into the golden bikini she first arrived in. Megan was no longer nude but provided a hideous one piece swimsuit.

And the master…

“Perfect! You are now properly equipped to find the legendary pirate secret of the treasure queen Captain Vanilla! Have fun! Try not to drown this time!”

Next time on Happy Maids: Pirate Panic! The vanilla treasure of the secret legendary Queen! Pirate! W-where are you going to insert that key, big bro?”

………………………………

END OF EPISODE REPORT:

MY DRESS UP DARLING AUCTION WINNER!

magic-cherry-shop

Congratulations!

VP and BP standing:

1) half-imp: Kikki Peshkova: 67.25VP 5477 BP(380 BP 38 SPANKS, 100 BP, to be awarded)

2) Devotee: Carol Summers: 31.5 VP 320 BP

3) Doggie: Liz Sinclair: 30.25 VP 175 BP

4) nude nurse: Shizuka Hayabusa: 25.5 VP 168 BP (962 BP collateral, outstanding debt: 3038 BP, 1 BE smoke,500 BP to be awarded)

5) Hag: Miss de Sade: 17.5 VP 3200 BP

6) Cowslut: Dahlia Black: 16.5 VP 4598 BP

7) NEET: Megan Watson: 7.25 VP 322 BP

8) Daddy's girl: Sahara Marvelous: -8.25 VP 2212 BP

pot: -22 Victory points

total: 165.25 Victory Points

Character Bio's(post first transformations)

Rules and regulations