Go For a Run in the Park

The sound of cars rushing past my house rings in my ears, forcing me out of my sleep. Every fucking Saturday. I open my eyes, looking out at car after car racing in front of my window. My eyes follow the speeding blurs as they race past. I reach for my phone to check the time. 6:29. Like clockwork.

After a few moments of idle staring, my alarm goes off, prompting me to get up. I push myself up on my left arm, rubbing my eyes with my other hand and trying to wake up. The sounds of cars, birds, and nearby people complaining about the cars and birds fill my ears, forcing me further out of sleep.

I look over at the window one last time, noticing bright light shining into my room and a light breeze rustling the leaves on the trees outside. Looks nice enough outside. Might as well go out for a run. Or at least wander around the park for a bit.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed and plant my feet on the floor. I get myself presentable as fast as possible, brushing my teeth and washing my face at the same time. I grab my phone, earbuds, and keyring on the way out the door, before stepping out under the warm summer sun. Out of habit, I scan my surroundings in an attempt to spot and avoid anyone who could ruin my plans and put me in danger.

After a minute or two of looking around, I only see the regular crowd of people awake far earlier than is godly: children running around front yards with noticeable sleep deprived parents watching from porches, drunk college students dragging themselves into their houses after a night of partying, and the few sane people awake at this hour heading to work or out on jogs.

I finally step off my porch and start walking to the park, feeling safe in the lack of celebrities and random, ungodly large men in sight. As I walk, people and cars pass me, the sounds of engines and half heard conversations fill my ears. I put in my earbuds, drowning out most of the noise surrounding me. Music music music. What do I want to listen to?

I go back and forth with myself in my head, staring down at the album covers on my phone screen, before settling on a random playlist when I realize I made it to the park without making a decision. I hit the play button on the screen, causing music to fill my ears. Once again, I scan my surroundings, trying to find anything or anyone out of the ordinary.

After a moment of looking and not noticing anything amiss, I calm down somewhat, comfortable in the lack of anyone recognizable or threatening. I start to run, trying to shove down my remaining anxieties. Regardless of how safe everything seems, it’s hard to truly let go of the fear I’ve been carrying. It always is when every corner, crowd, and public space is practically a ****-trap. I keep my head down, trying to keep myself from drawing any attention and seeing anything that would send me further down my spiral; that’s the only thing I can really do to help myself at this point.

Minutes pass and I finally feel myself starting to completely calm down. A mix between the lack of any noticeable danger and the hormones from running start to get into my head and push away my fear. Stress that I didn’t know I was carrying slips away from me. My shoulders relax and I feel the ever present rushing thoughts in my head quieting down for the first time in months. The feeling of the sun and breeze against my skin pulls me comfortingly into reality, as I feel myself finally able to get out of my head.

I start glancing around as I run, but not out of fear, just an old habit. The more I look, the calmer I get, with the only things drawing my attention being vaguely familiar faces of other runners and joggers who come to the park far more often than I do.

Right as I feel myself truly calming down, I see a figure off to the side and a little behind me that stops me in my tracks, sending my heartrate through the roof. I freeze in shock and recognition, my eyes going wide and my muscles tensing up. Fuck.