Gaming the system

I headed off to the library and got to work. First, I made a burner email account and sent a BCC email to every member on the campus mailing list, with a legalese "regulations update" that they needed to sign. Hopefully at least some of them would respond before midnight, and as long as they believed in magic to a certain extent, I was set. Next, I began working on a "miracle cures" website to sell potions on, as well as a "complete package" that was just another contract that they needed to sign. Provided that they did, I guaranteed that I would provide them with a potion that would grant them a "full body makeover of whatever kind they like." I posted the website on Wetsy, generated some images that would look like the potions I'd be selling, and waited for it to start reeling people in. Finally, I typed up a written contract for a "physical training regimen social experiment", printed out maybe 100 copies, and called up a buddy of mine, Franz. "Hey Franz, could I borrow you for maybe half an hour?"

I could hear his confusion over the phone. "Why the hell'd you call me? I mean, I'm free, but what's going on."

"I'm gonna play a prank on as many people as I can in Nassau Hall. You in?"

I could hear the glee in his voice already. "Sure thing. I'll be there in five."

As I walked over to the hall, I split the stack into two even stacks, and fished a pair of pens out of my backpack, making sure they'd both work for 50 signatures at least. As I entered the building, Franz nearly tackled me as he ran inside. "Yo, what's up?"

I grinned at him. "All right. Here's a pen and 50 contracts. I need you to get as many people as you can to sign these before 11:00 PM, all right?"

He looked over the contract, then up at me, puzzled. "Where's the joke?"

"Look at the third to last line of text."

He looked down at the page again, lips moving silently as he read. "You're getting people to sell their souls to you?"

"Yep. Not sure what I'm going to do after that. Probably post it in the art building as a statement about people's attention spans or something."

Franz shook his head and grinned. "You're such a dumbass. Let's do this."

I headed down the hall and began hawking the contracts, saying whatever came to mind that seemed like it might draw people in.

"Anyone want to complete a survey?"

"Come participate in a social experiment!"

Nothing. It seemed that having an uberbrain didn't make me any better at talking to people, just better at realizing that it wasn't working. I paused and mulled over the problem for a moment, then an idea came to mind. I had a stack of old beverage coupons for the on-campus coffee shop, and while I usually used them for myself, I was pretty sure I could get more without too much trouble.

"Fun social experiment! Free coffee coupon if you fill out this form!"

Immediately, a few heads turned, and a few girls started heading towards me. The first one, a curly brown-haired girl covered in freckles gave me a frown as she grabbed one of the forms and started filling it out. "You're really handing out coffee coupons for these?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Sure thing. Just need your contact info so that I can get it to you. And your signature, for the experiment."

She smirked, then lazily signed the contract and tapped it onto my chest. "There ya go, Casanova. Though next time I might go with something a little smoother than a 'social experiment'."

I stuck out my tongue playfully at her. "It worked, didn't it?"

She grinned and flipped me off as she walked away, her hips swaying from side to side. I looked down at the contract. Katia Hall. Huh. Cute.

Once I got Katia, more people started to interact with me as well. It only took about half an hour for me to get the rest of the contracts signed. I texted Franz. Got 'em all signed. What about you?

Me too. Meet you out front?

Sounds good.

Franz was leaning against a pillar when I found him, and handed the completed contracts to me as I stopped in front of him. "That went remarkably smoothly, man. I got some cute girls' numbers too. Might pay them a visit."

I gave him a mock salute. "Anything to help my fellow wingman. See you around."