Freshers' Week: The First Attempt (AKA Meet the Cast)

Monday, September 3rd

Andy arrived at the gates of the University of Mansfield unaccompanied, after a four hour train ride and half hour walk. It was a mid-tier, middle of the country learning establishment notable, if anything, for having won an online poll for having the most attractive female students. That had been enough to lure him in.

The socially awkward virgin was **** to get laid, and If he couldn't manage it during Freshers' week, perhaps he never would. The following five days could be the making or breaking of his entire sexual existence. Most likely the breaking. Andy wasn't an optimistic person, and he'd never had been much good at even talking to women.

A car pulled up a few feet from him, temporarily derailing his train of thought. He was stunned to see who stepped out of it - Leah Caldwell. His crush from high school.

Formerly the best looking girl in his class, Andy had barely spoken two sentences to Leah up until now. Perhaps this could be a new beginning for them both, thrown together by fate with their shared background in a land of strangers?

"Yes, I'll call you tomorrow, once I've had time to settle in!"

Leah rolled her eyes at her mother and shut the car door, before looking up to see Andy gawping at her.

"Hey Leah, I didn't realise you were coming here too"

"Oh, yeah..." she was already visibly looking for a way to exit a conversation that had barely begun "Alan, wasn't it? I, uh, we can catch up another time. I have to go find my room"

Great, two minutes and two sentences into his Freshers' experience, and Andy had already been snubbed by a girl he liked. He felt like this was going to be a long week. He had no idea.

Tuesday. September 4th

Andy sat in the Political Philosophy class he'd stupidly signed up for, trying to concentrating on the boring and complicated words coming out of the hot young woman's mouth rather than fantasising about fucking her.

When Andy had heard the name 'Professor Wellington', he had pictured some crusty old bearded man in a tweed blazer, probably smoking a pipe. In fact Kara, as the Professor preferred her students to call her, was a gorgeous woman within ten years of his own age. It had completely thrown him off guard.

"So, who wants to remind me of the famous quote from Jean-Jacques Rousseau that served as the foundation for his most famous political treatise?'" she scanned the room.

Don't pick me, don't pick me, don't pick me...

"How about you?" she settled inevitably on Andy "Let's see if you've been concentrating"

"Um, 'I think therefore I am'" he guessed before a brief pause "I think?"

There was laughter from a girl a couple of seats away.

"That was Descartes. They both wrote in French, I suppose" she mocked "The answer was, of course, 'Mani is born free and everywhere he is in chains' from The Social Contract"

"That's very good, Sara" the Professor smiled, having already lost any interest in interacting further with Andy.

Thanks a lot Sara, snooty fucking bitch!

Of course, to really rub it in Sara had to be cute, and very much Andy's type physically. So that was two more women Andy would like to sleep with but never would, and another resounding failure of a day.

At least he was finding consistency between his academic prospects and his love life.

Wednesday, September 5th

Andy was idling in the reception area of his Halls of Residence when an attractive but also intimidating looking young woman with ripped jeans, several piercings and a Sex Pistols T-shirt beneath her open leather jacket walked over to the reception desk.

"I left my fucking swipe card in my room, so I can't get in there. What do I do?"

"What about your spare?"

"That's in there too, I think. Either that or I've fucking lost it"

"Here" the friendly woman behind the desk handed her a plain white card "That will get you into any of the bedrooms or other locked facilities here, so you'll need to bring it right back to me. Also, I'll need to take your name so I know who has it"

"Aurora Black" she announced loudly, before lowering her voice, though not enough that Andy couldn't still hear "I might be down as Beatrice"

"Perfect, here you are Beatrice!"

It was just that easy. Andy couldn't believe there was a card that granted access to any single room in the building that was just lying there on the Receptionists desk - which he had already seen her leave unattended twice. Andy briefly imagined the fun he could have running amok with it in a world of no consequences. Until..

"What the fuck are you looking at, nerd?"

It appeared Andy had been daydreaming while unwittingly staring intensely at Aurora. She didn't seem happy about it.

"Oh, uh, nothing"

"You calling me nothing?"

"No, I.."

"Fucking freak"

With that, Aurora was gone. Andy decided he should be too, before she came back to return the card and he somehow found a way to make things worse. He would spend the rest of the day in his room alone, where there was no further danger of him accidentally interacting with anyone.

Thursday, September 6th

Three days in and, as Andy sat alone at the bar hating a social event everyone else seemed to be enjoying, he was almost ready to give up on ever getting laid, that week or any other.

"Not interested in being part of Elaine's throng?"

"Huh?"

Andy looked across to see a nerdy, but undeniably cute, girl had placed herself in the seat next to him and initiated a conversation completely of her own volition. It was easily the highlight of his week so far.

"Who is Elaine?"

"The impossibly hot chick holding court with most of the guys in this bar. I'm amazed you haven't noticed"

Andy had noticed, obviously. She was just too hot and popular for him to even waste his time thinking about.

"She's got, like, half a million followers on Insta" the girl held out her phone to prove it, and flicked onto one of Elaine's modelling shots.

"Well done for showing restraint and not fawning over her like a total fanboy. Although, I'm making assumptions. You might not be into women"

"I'm definitely into women"

That had come out more emphatically than Andy attended, causing his new companion to giggle.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked in an attempt to make a quick recovery.

"Sure, I've had a lot of unexpected crap to deal with since I got here, so I'm playing catch up socially. It would be good to make a friend. I'm Gemma, by the way"

"Andy"

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Andy!"

He was about to Gemma what drink she wanted when her phone buzzed. She looked at it and frowned.

"Everything okay?" Andy asked, concerned at her reaction.

"Yeah, but I've gotta run. Sorry, we'll get that drink another time, I promise!"

And with that she was gone, leaving Andy exactly back to where he started.

He wasn't able to get much sleep that night. There was loud music thumping up at him from the room directly below, accompanied by raised female voices, laughing, squealing and obviously having a wonderful time in each others company, It pissed Andy off. He put his pillow on top of his head, closed his eyes, and tried his best to drown them out.

Friday, September 7th

"Hey, I'm Tina!"

To Andy's great surprise a pretty, athletic looking young woman in sports gear had just taken it upon herself to introduce herself to him.

"Hey, I'm Andy"

"Nice to meet you, Andy. So, I'm actually in the third year and lead the sports social club. I wondered if you might be interested in signing up for something. We have football, cricket, rugby, tennis and even rounders. Just about everything really"

"I've never been much into sports"

"Okay"

And she was off. Andy had assumed Tina might have attempted to put up some sort of a fight for his services, but apparently not. Just another attractive woman who had immediately lost all interest in him forever after one sentence. Hang on though, there was another one approaching!

"Excuse me, do you know where the medical room is here?"

The voice sounded almost like Royalty and Andy now recognised its owner. Tamara Sutton-Campbell was the daughter of some Earl or other and his model wife. He'd heard she was coming here, but doubted their paths would ever cross. Tamara was just as nice to look at in real life as in the photos of her he had seen online. Luckily, Andy was confident he knew the answer to this question, and could be her unlikely saviour.

"It's on the left, just keep walking and you'll get to it!"

"No it isn't, it's on the right, look!"

Tamara corrected Andy, having just spotted a sign he hadn't, before walking off in the other direction to the one he was still pointing at, looking distinctly unimpressed with him.

So, that was Freshers' week.

At least Andy could take some solace in the knowledge literally everyone else seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed themselves. There was a big social event to mark the end of it all that evening, but by this point he'd had enough, so Andy decided to get an early night instead.

However, that wasn't how this was going to end. If it ever ended at all.