Dinner and the Improv Show

After filling up your plate in the dining hall, you go looking for a place to sit. You spot Mal, Hana, and Lisa getting dinner together, and take the last empty seat at their table.

“How fun, we get both of Gina’s little siblings joining us today,” Hana smiles. “Alex, I heard about your little trifle with Jack. {if JackOff == 1} I am so delighted you accepted his bet. Both Gina and Leona have had it coming for too long. Whether you win or lose, I’m expecting one of my sisters to be thoroughly fucked.” {else} I am so disappointed you turned down his bet. How could you turn down a chance like that? Leona’s had it coming for far too long—though, being honest, I wouldn’t have minded Gina getting it, either.” {endif}

Mal laughs, saying: “I don’t think Alex had you in mind when he was making his decision. Why would he give a rat’s ass about that?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” you say, taking a bite of your food.

“Naturally,” Mal says. {if JackOff == 1} “You’ve got this in the bag.” {else} “You would have trounced him.” {endif}

“Jack’s fearsome, a real ladykiller, and he’ll rampage through the B-listers. But you Alex… you know how to make a girl swoon. That’s something special,” Hana says, winking at you.

Lisa rolls her eyes.

“Is this conversation about my brother’s sex life really necessary?” she asks. “Some of us would rather have a more civilized conversation.”

“Oh, you’re not going to like what’s coming next,” Mal laughs.

“The improv show is nothing but raunchy,” Hana agrees.

“I’m not a prude. Just leave him out of it,” Lisa says, nodding at you.

“Sorry, no promises,” Hana shrugs, a devious sparkle in her eyes.

“Hang on, you’re performing tonight?” you ask.

“Me and Mal, along with a couple other miscreants,” Hana says. “You better come and support us. Or else… we’ll make you regret it.”

“Don’t worry, I was planning on coming anyways,” you say.

That gets you a satisfied nod from Hana.

“Who else is in the group?” Lisa asks, and that gets Hana gossiping about all the other members of the troupe. The conversation lasts the length of dinner, a successful diversion on Lisa’s part, and before you know it, Hana and Mal run off early to prepare for the show.

“I saw you change the topic earlier. Not exactly subtle,” you say to Lisa. “Didn’t like what Hana had to say?”

“That girl is just as toxic as Gina,” your sister says. “I don’t know what she was trying to do, buttering you up like that. Seriously? You make girls swoon? Get me out.”

“Can’t help if it’s the truth,” you laugh, finishing up the last bites of dinner. “You’re so used to getting all the attention that the moment somebody else gets some, it’s like the world’s ending.”

“As if,” Lisa says, brushing her hair over her shoulder. “More like, little Alex has never gotten attention from girls before, so now that he’s gotten a modicum of it, he’s gone soft in the head.”

“You’re just jealous,” you smile, and Lisa rolls her eyes at that.

“Come on, let’s head to the venue,” she says.

The improv show takes place at a bar that sells massively overpriced drinks, but since there was no cover fee to get in, you decide to indulge a bit, buying a drink for yourself and Lisa.

“Trying to get ahead of the competition?” she asks, sipping from her beer. Even dressed in a simple tank top with a light jacket on top, she looks pretty damn good—not that you’d ever admit it to her.

“Just making sure your drink doesn’t get spiked, dear sister,” you say, slinging an arm around her shoulder.

“How thoughtful,” she says sarcastically, but she nonetheless raises her glass to you. “Thanks for the drink.”

Soon, the show begins and the five actors spill out onto the stage one by one. Mal comes out first, wearing an oversized leather jacket over her crop top and denim shorts, and draws cheers from the audience as she revs an imaginary bike, puttering across the stage with a series of short hops. The three guys come out next one by one: one dude who clearly hits the gym comes out in a tank top and shorts, doing a backflip to more applause; another comes out in dressed in a dress shirt and slacks, pretending to shush the audience as he takes an imaginary high-stakes work call; then comes the dude in a clown suit juggling a bunch of imaginary balls—he almost drops one of them, but makes a smooth recovery, wobbling on his feet the whole time. He gets oodles of applause as he takes a bow. Finally, Hana makes her appearance, to immediate wolf-whistles from the crowd. The sorority sister is practically dressed in a bikini, the Zeta letters writ large over her chest, and as she struts up to center stage, she slowly fans herself and turns around, revealing the same letters on her incredibly short-shorts.

“Let’s get going with our first game of the night. We call this one Freeze. It’s a classic,” clown suit guy says, continuing to juggle his pretend balls. “We start with two performers in the scene, and at any moment, one of us can call ‘Freeze!’ and replace a performer, copying their frozen pose. Let’s kick it off!”

The scene plays out, with the clown and buff dude arguing over a parking spot, only to be replaced by Mal, who’s looking for a missing pet guinea pig, and then by Hana, a Peruvian connoisseur of guinea pigs who definitely didn’t have one for dinner earlier, and so and so on… There’s plenty of laughter and applause as one scene rolls into the next, and before you know it, it’s time for the final act of the night.

“Alright, it’s time to up the audience participation for our final act,” the guy in the dress shirt calls out. “Any volunteers who want to get up on stage with us? This will be a speaking role, so preferably, only volunteer if your vocal cords are intact thank you very much.”

Immediately, a couple hands shoot up, but before you can react, you see Lisa pointing at you. Hana notices and starts whispering in his ear, pointing at you too. Then the guy points at you too.

“Come on, you, yes you, get on up here,” he calls out.

Lisa nudges you, giving you a smirk. Are you drunk enough to do this? You’ve got to be, because you’re sure as hell not chickening out of this. You get going, making your way through the crowd.

As you get up on the stage, he continues: “This is a two person game that we’re going to play tonight. You sir, what’s your name?”

“Alex,” you say.

“Alex, awesome. Since you were brave enough to volunteer yourself—” a couple laughs at that “—we’ll give you the honor of volunteering the partner that you’ll compete against.” He sweeps his hands across the performers on stage: Hana strikes a sexy pose, like a model leading a catwalk, while Mal slowly strips off her jacket sensuously, and then the clown guy also strips off the top layer of his costume, revealing an undershirt beneath, and buff guy fans himself and looks away shyly, before dress shirt dude flutters his eyelids and blows you a kiss.

Stunned, it takes you a second to come to your senses.

“I know we’re a good looking group,” dress shirt dude winks at you, “but we do need a choice from you.”

Hana +10
Mal +10
Lisa +5