Desiree

"Does it have to be a girl?" you ask. "What if I'm into femboys? You know, like Astolfo, Haku, Nagisa, Felix, or Luka?"

"None of that gay shit on my watch," the smug genie says, folding his arms. "It has to be a biological female. None of that trans or nonbinary nonsense either."

"Wow, that's super bigoted of you, dude," you say, raising an eyebrow. "Trans women are women."

"Yeah, yeah," the genie says, rolling his eyes. "Go cry about it on Tumblr. I'm still not giving you a femboy. One fictional, biological female. Take it or leave it."

"Why just one?" you argue. "What if I'm into polyamory? What if I'm Muslim and allowed up to four wives? And fictional? What if I want a real celebrity or historical figure? What if I want Cleopatra or, I don’t know, Emma Watson?"

"Not happening," the genie scoffs, somehow managing to look even smugger. "As a good Christian genie, I believe sex should be between a husband and a wife. Monogamy. Handholding. Spending your life with just one woman. A biological man and a biological woman. No gay stuff, no harem, and none of that Tumblr trans nonbinary nonsense. And I'm not doing real celebrities or historical figures either. That’s ****, not dimension-hopping. I'm too Christian for illegal shit."

"You're boring as hell, genie," you grumble. "What if I wish for extra wishes?"

"Get real," the genie scoffs. "We patched that loophole years ago. How dumb do you think we genies are? We’re the wisest and most powerful beings in the multiverse."

Suddenly, a plan hatches in your head. A loophole. A way to outsmart this bigoted, smug jerk. "Does my waifu have to be human?"

The genie squints at you. "What are you, some kind of furry?" He makes a face like he just tasted expired milk. "No, you can't screw the ponies from My Little Pony. That’s ****, and it's illegal in most states. Fucking West Virginia and their love of horse-kissing. Almost heaven, my ass."

"It’s not ****," you say, rolling your eyes. "I'm talking about non-human species with human-level intelligence. Can you do that?"

"Got it," the genie nods reluctantly. "Sure, I can do magical or sci-fi creatures. Like elves, Twi’leks, and whatever other tabletop crap you nerds obsess over. Still nerdy as hell though. I used to bully genies who were into that back in genie high school."

"Wow, you are a real dick," you say, brushing him off. "I’ve made my choice. I want Desiree from Danny Phantom as my wife. She's completely in love with me. Head over heels. No brainwashing. No tricks. Real love."

The smug genie wiggles his finger, and she appears.

Desiree. From Danny Phantom’s world. A beautiful and sexy green ghost genie who wanders the world granting people their deepest desires. Before she died, Desiree was a harem girl who had won the heart of a sultan. He promised to give her everything she wished for, even a kingdom of her very own. But his jealous wife had her cast out of the palace. Desiree died of heartbreak and old age, and her spirit became a ghost genie, cursed to grant others’ wishes at great personal cost.

"I love you, babe," Desiree says, kissing you. She’s tall, gorgeous, and green-skinned, with an hourglass figure, glowing red eyes, and long, thick black hair that’s slightly messy at the ends. Her lips are painted with plum lipstick, and she’s dressed like the world’s sexiest harem girl.

"I love you too, babe," you smile, kissing her back. "Hey, can you grant me wishes? Without any personal costs or monkeys paw stuff?"

"Of course, your deepest desires, anything you wish, I will make it come true," Desiree purrs, "Anything for the man I love. And definitely no monkeys paw stuff for you, my love."

"Thanks, babe." You shoot a smug glance at the genie, who's now standing frozen with his mouth wide open, realizing you got one over on him. "Can you get me more girls? A harem? Femboys? Trans girls? Real-life celebrities and historical figures? Catgirls? Doggirls?"

"Anything you want, babe!" Desiree giggles, clinging to your arm like a sexy, ghostly trophy wife. "I’m not the jealous type. Your pleasure is my command. Your happiness is my purpose."

"I love you, babe," you say, planting a deep, dramatic kiss on her lips. Then you turn to the genie, who's now sobbing quietly in the corner like a kid who just lost his favorite toy, completely defeated. "Why are you still here? Get out of here, you dumb, one-waifu, bigoted, no-fun, Bible-thumping loser genie! No one likes you!"

Completely defeated, the smug genie runs out of your room crying. His sparkles are dull now. His smug aura has been shattered.

You have won.

You now have a sexy ghost genie wife who loves you unconditionally and can grant unlimited wishes.

This is an absolute win.

"So, babe," Desiree asks, eyes gleaming with ghostly excitement, "who do you want me to summon for you first?"