Decision Time

The sky was turning dark as Anna and I left DDE headquarters for our walk back to the condo. The rains from this morning had ended and the sky had partially cleared, but a chill remained in the fall air raising goosebumps on my bare skin. Anna had continued to remain in character as my superior in the locker room at the end of our shift, referring to me as "Nine" or "girl" as I scrubbed the numbers from her skin. She had refused to help scrub mine, though, so I'd been forced to ask one of the Gonzalez twins to help me. At least I won't have to wear the numbers in the future, I thought to myself. If I even have a future as a mailgirl.

As I walked naked a step behind Anna with my new collar attached to my neck I thought about the possibility of being forced to do this permanently with Barbara eventually replacing Anna as my master. I believed now that this might actually be my fate as control over my own destiny continued to fade. If I allowed Anna to lock up my bank cards and IDs today I knew I'd be taking another large step toward that future. I was still torn over what I was going to do as Anna unlocked the condo door. I followed her through the entrance.

I helped Anna remove her jacket and hung it up in the closet, then stood waiting for instructions. Anna seemed lost in thought herself. "You need to get all the stuff that Barbara said and give it to me to lock up," she said finally. A chill ran down my back.

"Yes ma'am." I entered the master bedroom as Anna followed. I pulled open a drawer where I kept the few personal items I had remaining and it hit me with full force that once I surrendered these I would have nothing. I'd be as naked and dependent as the day I was born.

Once again I thought about grabbing everything, putting on some of Anna's clothes, jumping into my car and leaving, never to return. That would have been the smart play, maybe the first smart thing I'd done since that first meeting with Barbara. Instead I felt an irresistible pull toward seeing this through, seeing where it would lead despite the risks involved.

I thought about the sonnet "Ozymandias" that Barbara had recited to me and her belief that life should be lived boldly because everything we do will eventually be erased by time anyway. I knew she had fed me that to encourage me to throw caution to the wind but once again she had read me perfectly. The last six months had been the most thrilling of my life and I didn't want to abandon it now for the sake of returning to some degree of "normalcy" only to forever regret not having ridden this roller coaster ride to the end.

On the other hand I didn't want to just continue on blindly and hope for the best. Barbara was leaving me with no cards to play so I thought again about what Mariko had told me today. Could I really expect help from Hiromoto if I supplied him with inside information about DDE? After everything that had happened I no longer felt any loyalty toward DDE but relying on help from a yakuza daimyo who lived half a world away seemed like a dubious plan at best. Ultimately, though, I trusted Mariko more than any of the other players in the game. If she said Hiromoto would help me then I would need to have faith in that, although I had no idea what information I could come up with that would be useful to him.

I pulled the title to my car out of the drawer, signed and dated it and placed it on the counter. Then I retrieved my cellphone, passport, driver's license, birth certificate, and all of my bank cards and handed them to Anna.

I followed her to the closet where the small safe was located. The safe door was open just as Barbara had said it would be although I couldn't remember ever seeing it open before. She must have been in here recently to unlock it, I thought.

Anna placed everything in the safe then turned to me. "Are you sure you want to do this, Danica?" she asked, breaking from her role for the first time since the meeting with Barbara. "Once I close the door I won't be able to unlock it." I sensed that this was a frightening moment for her as well and she knew that our relationship would be forever altered.

I smiled at her. "Yes ma'am, I do." Anna nodded and I watched as she locked the last of my possessions away.

I took a deep breath. The stakes in the game had just risen dramatically and, for better or worse, I'd just gone all in.