Day 15: The Old-Fashioned Show

Retro / Breathplay

“That went pretty well, wouldn’t you say?” Lorette asked, using her left hand to adjust her headdress.
“That went well…? That went… You think that went well!?” The pumpkin shouted, his torn black cloak flowing as his arms flailed underneath, “Lady… Were you even there? If that went well, I’d hate to see what you call a heinous crime against nature!”
“I was there, Nikpmup. Same as you. Sure, it wasn’t quite the smashing success I hoped for. But at least they didn’t boo me off stage.” She argued.
“Yeah. Exactly! None of them budged! Even a bit, one way or the other! You didn’t even give them a bad impression! Hell, art’s not always for being liked all the time! Sometimes it’s supposed to stir the pot! Get people worked up about some outrageous statement or uncomfortable truth. But that… That was just lukewarm! Geez, lady! When're ya gonna get with the times?”

Lorette stared into the hollow eyes in the thick skin of his orange face. For a tiny bitter fruit stuck to her hand, he sure talked a big game sometimes.
“Hmphh…” She turned her head away from the sheer audacity of that pumpkin, “...I’m dedicated to the arts, you know? Stories like these have persisted for eons. Stories of damsels in distress, and valiant heroes. It’s a tradition. And it’s up to me to keep it alive.”
“Oh, it’s a tradition all right. From centuries ago! Way before the Demon Lord became a hot-and-bothered sex-fiend! Wake up, darling! The hot chick is no longer the helpless victim of a ravenous flesh-eating monstrosity! She is the monstrosity now! And she’s taking Prince Charming for herself. And then it’s up to the modest and homely lady to sweep in to rescue him with cunning and intelligence! The girls learn the importance of inner beauty. The boys learn not to fall for temptation. Yadda yadda. All good stuff!”
“It is good stuff…” Lorette mused silently with a nod, “But my stories are good stuff as well. I mean, they’ve stuck around throughout the ages for a reason.”
“You’ve hit the nail on the head, missy. Then went ahead to trip on the nail and fall flat on yer face! Why would anyone stay and watch yer act if they already know how the story goes?”
“Because… Some stories just can never be replaced?” Even Lorette had trouble saying that with conviction.

“Oh really now?” Nikpmup folded his arms over his chest, “Is that why ya took the ferry all the way here to Wylanne? Find some desolate island smack in the middle of Orderdom? Is it maybe because you wanted to find some place where people still kept to their old-fashioned ideas of what monsters are supposed to be? Yeah… No. Might just be about a thousand years too late for that.”
“Well, first of all, Nikpmup….”

“Ahem…”
Lorette looked back, finding a group of armed guards with spears and partisans.
“We… interrupting something?” The troop leader asked.
“Nothing to worry about, officer.” Nikpmup assured them, waving his hand casually, “Just teaching my ventriloquist here some common sense.”
Lorette rose from the stone upon which she overlooked the ocean, facing the guards.
“Oh, please don’t listen to him. He doesn’t know any manners, but deep inside Nikpmup is… Well, he’s a hideous, ill-tempered monster who feasts on human flesh.”
“At your service.” Nikpmup bowed.
“I’m sorry, sirs. I didn’t hear when you came.”

That was saying something, considering each of them was dressed up in three stones worth of rattling iron.
“Can I help you gentlemen somehow?” Lorette asked with a smirk.
“You Lorette Ipsum?”
“The one and only.” She sang out with a curtsy.
“You’re under arrest.”
She blinked, “What…?”
“Dun-dun DUNNN!” Nikpmup raised his arms dramatically.

“There must be some kind of mistake! I’m just a ventriloquist! A silly little puppet master who tells stories.”
“That’s right.” The leader waved, and two of his soldiers approaching her, “Come along now!”
When one soldier grabbed her by the shoulder and led her away, she did not resist. Nikpmup had a lot to say. As usual.
“Hey! Watch the cloak, will ya? It’s real Pomerian! This thing’s worth more than your sorry keasters six times over!”

Lorette was led towards the black stones of Castle Wylanne, which looming silhouette she had managed to see from the ferry when she first arrived. But finally she was treated to a view truly up-close and personal. From its underground dungeon.
They had seated her at a table in the antechamber to a hallway with barred-off cells. The door to upstairs opened. Suddenly every guard that, although less than helpful, had no issue casually lounging around, stood at attention near the wall. A man with a striking appearance entered, together with an escort of soldiers and official looking men. He was dressed in a quilted maroon doublet that parted just under the hips, a jewel-encrusted pendant hanging off his shoulders by a silver chain. He was short, and quite on the lean side, but the way he waltzed across the room with everyone around responding to his least twitch, gave the impression of a man much larger than anyone had the right to be.
His pace towards the table came to an abrupt halt. His retinue stopped behind him. He looked Lorette up and down, then turned to the warden.
“Why does she still have that puppet?”
“Apologies, my lord.” The warden responded with a bow, “She wouldn’t take it off. We tried removing it for her, but she started kicking and biting, and everything started going out of hand. Before then she was gentle as a lamb. So we just let her keep it. Is that a problem?”
He shrugged, “I care not. If it will not interfere with the investigation, we can afford her a sock on her hand.”
“Hey!” The pumpkin shook his fist, “Who’re you calling a sock? I only see one sock around here, and that’s between your ears…!”

Lorette banged the pumpkin on the table.
“Ow!” He rubbed his head.
“Be quiet!” She hissed a whisper to him, “Do you got any idea who that is? That’s Jules vonParot, the fifth count of Wylanne.”
“Oh, fart!” Nikpmup covered his jagged mouth, “The big boss himself’s after our behind! What did ya do this time?”
“Me? I’m not the one who can’t keep my mouth shut for even a second.”
“Oh, yeah. So many people’s been listening to me lately. I mean, it’s not like you take me places anymore…”

“AHEM…” Jules vonParot approached, one of his retainers pulling a chair out so he could sit down in front of her.
Lorette froze, turning her neck towards him, “Sir lord vonParot! Mr Count! You have to forgive my appearance, I did not think I would end up before such fine company!”
“I am a very busy man, Miss Ipsum, so I expect your full cooperation and we can get this over with. We know what you have been doing. We want to know how.”
“Ah.” Her face lit up, “I’m flattered, sir lord vonParot. Mr Count. I really am. But sir count must understand, I can’t go around revealing the secret of my ventriloquism.”
“But hey! I’ll drop a hint for ya,” Nikpmup shouted, “It helps if you’re out of yer mind!”

The count banged his fist on the table, “Miss Ipsum, do not insult my intelligence by playing cute. For over a thousand years, not once has anyone spotted the old kind of monster! The grotesque creatures that existed in ancient times! But as soon as you show up with your fancy little puppet play, that’s all anyone ever sees.”
Lorette blinked, “Wait… So you are saying…?”
“Yup. Looks like they’ve been spotting the retro-kind of monster that your show’s all about!” Nikpmup said with a cackle.
Lorette shot up from her seat and leaned in close, her eyes positively glowing with excitement, “That’s absolutely amazing! Fantastic even! Are you sure that’s what you saw? Oh, please! Mr Count! Don’t play with a young woman’s heart!”
One of the soldiers grabbed Lorette by her shoulder and pulled her back against the chair.

“I can assure you, this is no mistake, Miss Ipsum.” The Count iterated, “We’ve had no less than six reports this past week of a large hideous troll that appears on the bridge to Hepten Island. Big nose and large uneven teeth. The postmaster himself has sworn to what he saw. Two of the witnesses were sisters who travelled together during the event. This appears to be no matter of a practical joke.”
“Oh.” Lorette had to keep herself from smiling, “Does that mean the Demon Lord has been slain?”
The Count shook his head.
“So what’s going on then?” Lorette asked.
“That’s what we want you to tell us.”
“Wait, hold on. You think I’m the one who’s controlling the old-fashioned monster somehow? Just because I’m putting on a fantasy puppet show about old-fashioned monsters?”
“But of course.” The Count announced, folding his arms before his chest, “It’s far too much to be a coincidence.”

“Ah, geez! Get a look at the genius over there!” Nikpmup spat out, “Were ya out to get stupid-juice when they were handing out common sense? Why would she put on a puppet show if it’s gonna draw attention to her after releasing a true blue monster on your sorry island?”
“Be quiet!” Lorette covered Nikpmup’s jagged mouth, giggling nervously at the Count, “Don’t listen to him, Mr Count…. He’s got a point though.”

“If I may, my lord?” A hooked-nosed official in black robes stepped up, adjusting his frilly handkerchief tied around his neck. He flipped through some parchments that he held in his hand, “It appears that Miss Ipsum has been struggling to find success with her act, due to the public perception of traditional monsters. Perhaps she saw fit to release this plague upon our poor, innocent village, in an attempt to promote her act. It seems to me, then, that she had everything to win, and nothing to lose.”
“All right. I can see your point.” Lorette admitted, “Counter-point, I still didn’t do it.”

The Count groaned, “Miss Ipsum, I already told you I am a busy man. I have no intention of going over the evidence with you all night. So either you confess now and own up to your wrongdoings, or we will have to take… **** measures. Please come with me”
She followed the Count through the hallway into a larger chamber with a scaffolding and a noose. It looked just like a platform for hanging, except the trapdoor had a large spring attached.
“Listen, if this is supposed to be some kind of theme park attraction,” Nikpmup started, “How about we start with the Tunnel of Love? That’s my specialty!”
“Nikpmup… Whatever it is you’re talking about, this isn’t that.” Lorette started, sounding more and more anxious, “This… This is a **** device, isn’t it?”
The Count nodded, “I had this device installed here specifically for difficult cases such as yours. I’d hate to use it…”
“I wouldn’t!”

The voice came from a spindly looking woman in a thick leather apron, even shorter than the Count.
“Ah, Miss Patera. Just who I was looking for. ” The Count gestured towards Lorette, “Over here is Miss Ipsum. She is our venerated guest here.”
Miss Patera leapt towards Lorette, grabbing her hand and shaking it excitedly, “Oh, what a pleasant surprise!”
She looked Lorette up and down, pacing around her, “I couldn’t ask for a better specimen for her maiden voyage!”
She rubbed her hands together.

“Miss Ipsum. This is Miss Patera.” The Count explained, “She is our resident interrogator and inventor. Why not explain to Miss Ipsum what she is in for?”
“Why, of course, Julie!” Miss Patera yelled, flinging her arm towards the wooden device, “This is our Analogue Breathing Apparatus! Or ABA for short! It controls the constriction of the noose, and the height of the platform! Basically, the one behind the control panel is in charge of the subject’s breathing! Loss of control! Complete reliance on the interrogator! Oh, what a beautiful treat you’re in for! Oh! You’re gonna wish you'd tried to be tortured sooner!”
Lorette laughed and smiled awkwardly, “Yeah… I already can’t wait until it’s over.”

The Count stepped forward, “It’s up to you, Miss Ipsum. We can forego that whole spiel… As long as you tell us what we want to know.”
Lorette sighed, “Mr Count… I still don’t have the answers you want… But if it makes you feel any better, now I really really wish that I did.”
“Yay!” Miss Patera jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

The Count sighed, shaking his head, “Miss Ipsum… This will not do. I will give you the night to reconsider. After that I will not have any more leniency to give.”
Lorette didn’t know what to say. She knew she wasn’t going to change her mind, but she really wanted to stave off having to experience that terrible gadget for as long as possible. She remained quiet.

Nikpmup, on the other hand…
“Oh, sure thing! I can totally tell you’ve been going with the velvet gloves until now!”

The guards escorted Lorette out of the chamber, when she looked over her shoulder towards the Count, “Wait… One more thing… Was anyone hurt by the old-fashioned monster?”
“No. Everyone who saw it escaped before it came to that.” The Count answered, “Everyone is safe… For now.”

At least that was something Lorette could be grateful for.
The guards tossed her inside a cell and slammed the doors shut.
“What a vulgar bunch this is…” Nikpmup hissed, “Philistines the lot of them! They wouldn’t know acting if it stabbed their father and canoodled their mother.”

“Uh, hey! Excuse me?” Lorette waved at the guards on the other side with her free hand, “Can you move me to a different cell? I can’t stand an entire night with this guy!”
The guards looked at one another, then turned towards Lorette confused. One of them raised his finger, “Uhhh…”
The other one grabbed him by the wrist, “...Don’t bother. Just don’t”
They walked away, leaving their prisoner to fester for the night.