Cross My Heart

My knuckles hurt, my ribs ached, my lip throbbed and my abs were in agony yet it is my conscience that stung most severely. I had lost my temper in a way I hadn’t in months. I thought I had that under control. I was wrong and now I would have to deal with the consequences. That failure hurt most of all. Backlit by the police station my shadow falls across Mei as I stand there staring at her completely at a loss as to what to say. She had walked to the police station because I told her I’d walk her home. What? Why would she do that? And how could I even begin to apologize for ruining our night?

Mei looks me up and down and says flatly. “You look terrible.”

“Uh…yeah.” I whisper, wiping the split in my bottom lip. A thin streak of red paints my finger. I hadn’t even seen myself in a mirror yet. Though I’d mostly protected my face he’d gotten in a shot or two. Playing it down I say as I try to smooth out my clothes. “I’ll be okay. I’ve had worse.”

“That’s good because the doctor doesn’t visit town until Monday.” Grabbing my wrist tightly she sets off nearly causing me to stumble as she pulls me along behind her. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Arm stretched in front of me I follow Mei who marches with a purpose in her step down the darkened street. Her hand remains clamped to my wrist as her other arms swings in time with her her long, swift strides. The night was quiet and still with the subtle aroma of prairie sage and sweet grass on what little breeze there was. Between the wide spaces between the streetlights the stellar display above us is at its most spectacular, the type of sky you could only get way out here in flyover country. But the heavens held no fascination with me tonight as my focus remained on this peculiar woman who currently looked more like an angry parent dragging their kid away to scold him than she did my date.

“Mei.” I say. “Slow down.”

She doesn’t slow but stops entirely. Letting go of my wrist she turns to me. As she faces me the lenses of her glasses reflect the streetlight behind me giving her the appearance of having two bright and fiery eyes. “Are your legs hurt or something?”

“No. My legs aren’t hurt.” I say softly. “But my pride is. I’m…I’m sorry, Mei. That shouldn’t have happened.”

“But it did.” She tone is neither accusatory nor forgiving, just a statement of fact. “You’re lucky not to be in prison or a hospital.”

“Yeah.” I say. “Mei. Why are you here?”

“I told you. You said you’d walk me home.”

“Mei.” I say with a look that told her I wasn’t buying her glib reply.

She falls quiet a moment before saying. “Because you don’t have anybody else. Okay?”

“Great.” I sigh. “Pity.”

“Did I say I pitied you?” She says, a flash of annoyance coming out for the first time tonight. “You make a lot of assumptions, don’t you?”

“I suppose I do.”

“Well stop it.” She says. “I’ll tell you if I’m annoyed.”

With a smirk I say. “I have no doubt of that.”

“And you did say you’d walk me home. When someone says they’re going to do something I expect them to do it.”

“Fair enough.” I say, fighting a smile even as I was being chastised.

“Brad is a jerk.” She says. “Always has been. I’m glad somebody finally shut his fat mouth.”

My brows raise in surprise then a slow smile breaks through to spread across my face. “I was pretty valiant, huh?”

“You were an idiot.” She shoots right back. “There was two of them and Brad was twice your size. That lucky punch that knocked out Chad is the only reason you’re not in a coma right now. It was a stupid thing to do.” After a pause she says in a softer voice. “But…you stood up for me. So I feel partially responsible.” Grabbing my wrist again she turns and sets off once more. “Come on.”

I continue to follow Mei, our little conversation lightening both my spirit and my heavy steps. She called me an idiot, she had called me stupid, yet she was practically dragging me home with her. I did not understand this girl but I knew enough to know that she wasn’t angry with me. The few times that this had happened in the past the girls I’d been with had disappeared like a phantoms once the dust had settled. But this time, once the smoke cleared, Mei had been there waiting for me. She had just seen me at my worst and she was still here, gripping my wrist like I might run away myself. I thought about speeding up to walk beside her but I decide to continue letting her pull me, curious to see where this would lead.

We arrive at the shop. Instead of going through the front door she takes me around to the back. We are in near perfect darkness until a motion activated light flares bright to reveal an exterior set of stairs leading up to a large second floor balcony atop an expansive back porch which was nearly as wide as the house itself. As we climb the stairs I get a peek into the porch area to see the folding tables and crates of junk she kept out on the front yard during business hours.

Once on the balcony she pulls me to a sturdy wooden Adirondack chair and says. “Sit.” Not content to let me do it myself she grabs my hips and plants me down into the seat. Finger in my face she says in a tone not to be argued with. “Stay.”

“Cross my heart.” I promise her, once more fighting a grin at her take charge attitude. She wasn’t inviting me inside her home but this was the next best thing.

Standing tall over me with her hands on her hips she looks me over under the harsh white security light that illuminated the balcony and the yard beyond. “Be right back.” With that she walks into the house, leaving me alone outside.

I sit staring at the door a moment. Ten minutes ago I was ready to get into my car and floor it out of town. Now there was nowhere in the world I wanted to be than right here.

Given a moment alone I feel an eastward tug at my heart. With a long sigh I whisper to myself. “Fuck.”

Closing my eyes I take a deep breath and ready myself for what must follow. It didn’t have to be long but I simply had to call home. Mom would be distraught about me and I could not live with myself if I made her spend the night wondering. Pulling out my phone I dial home.

“Dusty?”

I wince at my father’s hard tone. “Hey Dad.” I say, my voice low and contrite.

“Don’t you ‘Hey Dad’ me you little shit! Where are you? What’s going on?”

“The cops let me go. Said it was just a bar fight. They didn’t press charges or anything.”

Behind my dad I can hear Mom’s fretting voice asking if I was okay and if I needed anything. When he snaps back at her I can distinctly hear her telling him that I was all alone a long way from home and that getting yelled at wasn’t what I needed right now. Of course he didn’t listen. He never did. Hearing the fear in her voice was worse than any barroom beating or fatherly berating. If I needed her I knew she’d drive through the night halfway across the country with Ric in tow if she had to. I knew she would do that for me without blinking an eye, regardless of the consequences, which is exactly why I hated worrying her so much. Her voice is quickly drowned out by my father’s ranting tirade which began running through all of my many failings as a son and as a man.

Unfortunately Mei steps back out quicker than I expected her to, while my dad was still reaming me out. I whisper to her. “Just had to call home real quick. Sorry.” Trying to make light of the shouting coming from my phone I say. “My dad’s pissed. Can hardly blame him. Parents, right?”

Her eyes linger on me a moment but she says nothing. Setting down a tray with some first aid supplies and tall glass of water on a table beside me she gives me a nod and heads back inside to give me some privacy.

“So you’re starting fights again? When the hell are you going to grow up, Dusty?” My father’s lashing tongue continues to blare in my ear but my eyes follow Mei as she disappears back through the door. “You’ve worried your mother sick and…”

“Hey.” I say, cutting my father off. “I can’t stay on the line.”

He grumbles something then says. “Fine! We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Sure.” I say. “Hey, Dad.”

“Mm?”

“I’m sorry.”

He sighs. “Yep. You always are.”

Biting my tongue before I said something I would regret I pause then say. “Tell Mom I’m okay. And…” My gaze flits across the alcohol and swaps on the tray then back to the balcony door. “And tell her not to worry. Tell her… Tell her I’m not alone.”