Check for blemishes... by hand.

Mike knew that, sometimes, he struggled to pick up some pretty blatant signals from women. There was a whole incident a few years ago where he went to a female friend's house to "Netflix and chill" which ended with him driving home to grab his "Space Balls" DVD because they couldn't find it on the listing.

Dragging somebody into an enclosed office and taking all of your clothes off seemed like a pretty blatant signal. He was 95% sure she wanted to have sex with him. Well... 80%.

...more like 60 maybe?

The problem was that she wasn't acting sexy. That wasn't a striptease like you'd give to a potential lover; she'd taken her clothes off quickly and efficiently, like she was getting into the shower or something. And he was pretty sure you didn't ask 'was there anything else?' but more like... he didn't know... 'you like what you see, big boy?'

He needed to drag it out a little further.

"I, uh, need to be sure there are no physical blemishes." he said.

"Well, my clothes aren't obstructing the view anymore." she replied.

"I mean... check with my hands. Sometimes they hands can see stuff the eyes cannot."

"Okay sure, go ahead." she said as she placed her hands behind her head. She did not say, Mike noticed, something like 'better check for concealed weapons, Officer Sexy' with a suggestive grin on her face. She just stood there blandly waiting.

He stood up, revealing the bulge inside his tracksuit bottoms. It was pretty obvious. He expected a saucy comment but she just looked at it for a moment then returned her gaze to his face. Sweating nervously, he knelt down and placed a hand on each of her ankles. He slowly slid his hands up the outside of her legs, marvelling at how silky smooth they felt, up past her knees. Then he moved his hands towards the inner thigh, and found himself caressing them while his eyes locked on to her bare crotch. Licking his lips nervously, he raised his hands higher into at last he reached her groin. With his index finger he gently rubbed the edges of her outer lips.

"How does that feel?" he breathed.

"Pretty good." she replied casually. "You need to go any deeper?"

"Not just yet." he said, still confused by her tone.

He stood up and pressed his body against hers, his boner poking her in the thigh. He reached his hands around her and cupped her buttocks. He squeezed and stroked her cheeks, enjoying the smell of her body now that he was close against it. He leaned back and looked her in the face, hoping for some sign of arousal or excitement.

She gave him a friendly smile. "Good so far?"

"Uh, yeah." Suddenly, he had a flash of inspiration. "For the breast inspection, could you please bend over for me please?"

He took a step back, and she bent over forwards, changing her hands position so that they were no longer behind her head but were clasped against her lower back. Mike stood with his erection practically in her face and cupped her dangling breasts. He ran his fingertips over he nipples savouring their rough texture against the smooth skin of her chest.

"So," Mike said "You, uh... how you feeling?"

"Okay I guess." she replied.

"I hope this isn't too... sexy for you?"

"It's what you need to do."

If his hands weren't so busy, Mike would have raised them in exasperation. What the hell was her game? Maybe he could just ask directly?