Chapter Thirty Six

Dick had been inside for three days now. Neither Dick Grayson nor Nightwing had been out of this apartment in three full days. Grocery shopping was being handled, either by herself or one of the other girls, and the hero work of the city was apparently being taken care of by Harley, who left each evening with a kiss to Dick’s cheek and a distinct lack of question or complaint.

It bothered Barbara.

Not that Harley took over without a word, but that he wasn’t… going anywhere. The Dick Grayson that she knew would have been climbing the walls by this point, scratching at the ceilings with his fingernails for something to do.

Yet Dick just… sat. He watched television, he did things on his laptop, he sometimes went into the back room for hours and listened to music, from the muffled sound of it. He ate, usually when prompted, and replied when spoken to, making easy conversation with the girls that never really needed engagement or active involvement.

But not once did he try to leave. He didn’t touch his shoes, he didn’t pull on his suit and mask. There were no attempts to visit a park or a mall or whatever else he might have thought up that day, nor were there attempts to climb out the window to go beat up some thugs and flip across some rooftops.

She just didn’t understand. Yes, it was miserable out there, but Dick had never cared about bad weather before. Nor had he ever cared to let others stop him from doing as he wished, so he couldn’t be unwilling because of the scrutiny of the women staying with him.

So, naturally, she meddled.

“Dick?” she called to him across the room from near the door, when Harley and Donna had gone for a grocery shop, and Zatanna was out checking on her inbox at the Watchtower. It was just Kori and the two of them here, and Kori had gone for a nap.

He looked up from his laptop, a predictable smile on his face, “Yeah Babs? What’s up?”

She smiled back, “Would you mind coming with me and pushing my chair? It’s getting stuffy staying inside, and the rain seems to have slowed down. I thought a turn around the nearest park would be nice, before it gets heavy again.”

The reaction was immediate, whilst the response was very delayed.

The smile became even more fixed, uncomfortably plastic even, and his eyes grew tight with it. More noteworthy, though, were his pupils. They dilated obviously, and Barbara would guess that there was a tremble in his hand, not that she could see that.

“I… are you sure? Still looks pretty damp out there Babs. Maybe just wait for the rain to stop? Wouldn’t want you to go through the effort for nothing.”

She hadn’t expected that reaction, but she couldn’t give it up now. “I checked the broadcast, it’s apparently just a light drizzle for the next couple of hours. Come on, Dick, I can’t manage the shitty steps alone, please?”

Yeah, she was pulling the cripple card. It felt a little deceptive, but it was also technically true, and she wanted to get the truth of whatever this was.

“...Um…Alright…I guess.”

She watched, eagle-eyed and slowly losing her smile, as he slowly stood, pulling on shoes and a hoodie…and then a coat, and gloves, and pulling them all tightly around him until she could barely see the man beneath the layers.

Her smile was long gone by the time they reached the front doors of his building. In the time it’d taken to make it downstairs- or the rickety elevator, as it may be- Dick had gone from dubious and uncertain to outright tense. His jaw was ticking, and his eyes were fixed on the sight of the raindrops hitting the glass outside.

For a moment, Barbara second guessed her plan. Maybe this was a bad idea? She’d expected him to be uncomfortable, but this was quite a bit more than she’d anticipated. No, no she should call this off-

Before she could say a word, Dick was pushing her chair to the door. She just managed to get out his name, “Dick, wait-” before the door was open, and the storm made itself known. Wind rattled through the entrance space, loud and whistling. Raindrops splattered loud and fat against everything they could reach, carried on the punishing push of the gale. Distant noises of traffic and city ambiance were almost lost to the tumult of the storm at their doorstep.

A gust of wind splattered water against her whole seated body, soaking through the layers almost as if they weren’t there, but that was barely noticed as her oldest friend let out a pained gasp and literally threw himself back, scrabbling away from the door on his ass. Dick’s breath was coming out in sharp, choppy pants, and his eyes were blown wide with panic, his head shaking rapidly and erratically.

“Dickie? Wha’ the fuck ya two doin’ down here?”

They hadn’t even made it out the door, but Barbara had never been so grateful to see the twintailed ex-villain as in that moment. Harley dropped a bag of shopping on her lap as the blonde dashed to his side, grabbing his hand tightly in both of hers and making him look at her. “Hey, Dickie, hey! Look at me. It’s me, Harls, right? You’re inside. It’s dry and warm…”

The door clicked shut sharply behind the figure of the Amazon following behind, and the sounds of the storm cut so much that Barbara actually turned to check. It took a moment, but then she realised- Soundproofing. The whole building must be soundproofed for that much muting of the storm outside, considering how strong it was right now.

She turned back to the pair…the couple that were now standing, and ignored the disapproving look on Quinn’s face, looking at Dick. She opened her mouth to ask about the soundproofing, or the storm, then paused, and before she could let her pride stop her, blurted out, “I’m sorry.”

Quinn huffed slightly, Donna raised an eyebrow, and Dick… he stopped and stared. He stared, and kept staring so long it became awkward, with this look as if she’d just spoken another language. And when she said as much, “It was just an apology, I didn’t speak in german-”

He shook his head a little, his stare dropping as he responded, “Yeah, no, uh, yeah. Sorry. I just…didn’t expect that.”

The four of them made their way back upstairs in silence, and Barbara’s erudite mind just kept circling that last statement. Over and over, because… she wanted there to be another way he’d meant it. A way where Dick Grayson didn’t expect to always be at fault, to never receive an apology for the actions of others upon him.

It wasn’t until they’d made it back into his place, and he was back in his spot, and she was parked with his laptop, whilst Harls and Donna put away a frankly ridiculous amount of food, that Dick spoke again.

“I get why, Babs. I’m not mad.”

Her eyes cut to him, widening slightly with surprise that he’d open the topic. He wasn’t looking at her, just looking down at his notepad.

“You should be.” She said before she could stop herself. “I would be.”

A little smile curved the corners of his lips at that, and his eyes flicked up to meet hers, as if to say ‘No shit?’ but he didn’t directly respond to her statement. A few moments passed in quiet together before he spoke again. “I don’t do rain anymore, Babs. It triggers…episodes. Cold showers too.”

Barbara felt her eyes sting suddenly, the thought of this man, this beautiful and kind man she’d grown up with being hurt so badly he got flashbacks, without any of the people who supposedly cared knowing about it.

His voice got even quieter, so soft she barely heard it, and filled with a shame that raised her hackles in moments, “It was raining then, with…Cat.”

The redhead didn’t reply. What could she say? How could she even begin to express how she feels, the sheer depth of the guilt and remorse and self-loathing? Actually… She knows how Dick would try, at least.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Dick. More than you know. It’s not enough to say it. Don’t you dare try and forgive me or tell me it’s okay.” She blinked away the sting in her eyes, so she could pin him with a glare as he opened his mouth. “It wasn’t, it’s not. I’ll- I’ll earn it, boy wonder. I’ll earn it all back. Just… let me try.”

She turned back to her screen, knowing any more words or eye contact might break her composure, and Dick did the same with his book. She almost missed the whisper soft reply, “I’ll wait.”