Chapter 4: The Red Witch and the Report Nobody Was Going to Read

Afternoon break had just begun, and Ren only wanted two things: to finish his yakisoba bread in peace and for the dull ache in his right wrist to go away.

He got neither.

"I told you it'd be soon, Equalizer."

Ren stopped in the middle of the back courtyard, right under the shade of the old oak.

Issei Hyoudou stood a few feet away from him.

Gone was the friendly look from the hallway; his brown eyes flashed with an unnatural golden glint, and his right arm vibrated, wrapped in a red aura that warped the hot midday air.

The dragon inside him was awake and demanding answers.

"Hyoudou," Ren sighed, taking one last bite of his bread. "Gentlemen don't interrupt lunch. It's bad manners."

"The thing inside me isn't a gentleman," Issei answered, stepping forward as the ground crunched under his shoes. "It wants to know what you are, and so do I."

Issei lunged at him.

It was a purely instinctive move, a raw impulse fueled by the red energy starting to take shape on his gauntlet.

He didn't make it.

Before Issei's fist could reach his shoulder, Ren's sleeve slid up just enough to expose the silver patterns on his wrist.

Ren ignored the urge to dodge or hit back, and simply extended his right hand to catch the kid's forearm midair.

The contact was instant, and instead of an explosion came absolute silence. The silver patterns on Ren's skin lit up with a cold, blinding glow. The red energy on Issei's arm sputtered like a spark dying in water.

The dragon's aura snuffed out at once, drained and neutralized by Ren's silver touch.

A muffled echo, like the whimper of a cornered animal, rang only inside both their minds.

Issei's eyes opened wide, the strength draining from his legs.

He dropped to his knees on the dirt of the courtyard, breathing hard and clutching his right arm, which now hung limp like it didn't belong to him.

Ren let go gently, brushing an invisible speck of dust off his uniform.

"I warned you this morning," Ren said quietly, looking down at the kid on the ground. "I like you, Hyoudou, but your lizard needs to learn to keep its distance."

Issei tried to say something, but only a hoarse gasp came out as he clung to his slack arm like it was about to fall off.

Ren turned and walked away from the back courtyard with his hands in his pockets and the last of the yakisoba bread bouncing between his teeth.

The silver feeling in his wrist had settled into a warm tingle, almost satisfied after the blackout he'd just slapped onto Hyoudou's lizard.

Three years putting up with that reptile burning inside him and the guy still doesn't know how to use it right, he thought, chewing slowly. If Issei had any clue what I carry in my hand, he'd come crawling with a box of chocolates and a bikini magazine as a peace offering.

The immediate plan was simple: hide on the rooftop until the next bell and pray to whoever was listening that he wouldn't run into Sona Sitri for the rest of the day.

The plan lasted exactly four steps.

"Kurogane."

The voice cut through the air like a freshly sharpened knife.

Ren didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Half the academy could pick out that tone of contained anger from a hundred yards away.

Shit, he thought, keeping his face completely neutral as he kept walking like he hadn't heard a thing.

"Don't pretend you didn't hear me," Tsubaki Shinra insisted, catching up with three long strides that thudded against the concrete. "I've been looking for you all over the academy for twenty minutes."

Ren stopped and turned his neck with the dramatic flair of a cheap stage play.

"Senpai," he greeted, flashing the fakest smile in his repertoire. "You look gorgeous today. New glasses? They look amazing with the uniform, and that skirt seems a little shorter than usual. Am I hallucinating or did you bump up the hem?"

Tsubaki didn't even blink, though a barely visible muscle twitched in her jaw.

She pinned him with a stare over the rectangular frame of her glasses, a coldness that could freeze a veteran demon, and held out a pink slip folded in half between her fingers.

"The incident report," she said, drawing out every syllable. "Completely blank, like you just grabbed it from the stationery aisle."

"Oh, that," Ren replied, scratching the back of his neck with practiced laziness. "I was gonna do it during recess, but you know how life is, senpai."

"Unforeseen things like harassing Issei Hyoudou in the back courtyard?"

Ren felt a curious tingle run down the back of his neck.

The news had traveled fast, way too fast to be regular hallway gossip.

"That was a philosophical conversation between gentlemen," he protested with the cleanest face he could pull, hand on his chest. "I was giving the poor kid some love advice."

"You don't have a heart, Kurogane."

"That's cardiac discrimination, senpai. I'm gonna report you to the board."

Tsubaki adjusted her glasses with a motion that promised very contained ****.

She reached over with her other hand and grabbed the collar of his uniform with the grip of someone who was already done putting up with nonsense.

"You're coming with me. Right now. The president wants to talk to you in person."

Well, there goes the rooftop, Ren thought with dramatic resignation as he let himself be dragged down the hallway like a cheap sack of potatoes.

The walk to the council building was short.

Tsubaki shoved him along with the urgency of someone hauling a freshly caught criminal, and Ren let himself be carried with the best martyr face he had stashed away.

Then it happened.

His right wrist vibrated under his sleeve with a pulse that felt completely different from Issei's.

Another one, Ren thought, a chill running down his spine. And this one isn't on the lizard's level.

It wasn't the dirty, chaotic noise of the dragon.

What came now was something clean, sharp, like an elegant fire that knew exactly how much it wanted to burn.

"Tsubaki senpai."

The voice came from the far end of the hallway, soft as velvet and dangerous as a knife hidden inside that same velvet.

Ren raised his eyes slowly, still dangling from Tsubaki's grip.

Rias Gremory.

She was standing in the middle of the corridor with her arms crossed under her chest, which was a crime against humanity considering what that pose was doing to the poor uniform.

Next to her, Akeno Himejima held a folder against her hip with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

Lord, give me strength, Ren thought with genuine devotion, letting his eyes drop for half a second before pulling them back up. How is it possible for two women in the same hallway to look this unfairly good at the same time? The redhead's blouse is two sizes too small, I swear, and the braid on the other one looks like it was painted by a professional stalker with three years of practice.

"Buchou," Tsubaki greeted with stiff courtesy, not letting go of Ren's collar. "Did you need something?"

"Just strolling around," Rias answered with a warm smile that didn't match the weight of her presence. "Although I heard a curious rumor from Akeno a little while ago, something about a second year student who left one of ours... how did you put it, Akeno?"

"Speechless, buchou. Literally speechless," Akeno replied with an amused purr in her voice, tilting her head to study Ren like he was a stray kitten with an interesting trick. "Poor Issei is sitting on a bench shaking like jello."

Ren put on the most innocent face from his catalog.

It was a face he'd spent years perfecting in front of the mirror, and it worked just as well on angry teachers as it did on girls about to slap him.

"I didn't do anything to poor Hyoudou," he protested with an offended tone, spreading his hands to show visible innocence. "We were talking about philosophy, and sometimes deep topics leave people very thoughtful."

Rias laughed softly.

A completely analytical sound, with no real laughter inside it.

Her blue green eyes stayed locked on him for a couple of seconds that stretched past comfortable.

She's reading me, Ren thought, keeping the innocent smile nailed to his face. No, worse. She's sniffing me out.

"Philosophy," Rias repeated, savoring the word. "How interesting, because Issei never struck me as the kind of kid who gets traumatized by abstract topics."

"I talked to him about mortality. A heavy subject for someone who gets distracted by the first curve that walks past him."

"Well, well," Akeno brought a hand to her cheek with a delighted expression. "Such depth from someone who falls asleep in class and turns in blank exams as conceptual art."

Ren felt his soul drop to his ankles.

This woman knows how I breathe, and the teacher just handed me back the exam, he thought with a shiver. I'm definitely surrounded by beautiful, vengeful witches, and every single one of them enjoys playing with me more than helping me.

"The blank exam was a political statement, Himejima senpai," he said out loud, lifting his chin with fake dignity. "An artistic protest against the oppressive educational system."

"You've got the soul of a slacker," Tsubaki corrected, tightening her grip on his collar with an extra pinch that promised future bruises. "Buchou, if you'll excuse us, the president is waiting for this gentleman."

Rias tilted her head with a smile that made it crystal clear she wasn't done looking at Ren. Not by a long shot.

"Of course, I don't want to get in the way of council business. But Kurogane kun, one question before you go."

Ren swallowed quietly.

"I'm all ears, Gremory senpai."

"Would you be interested in having tea with the Occult Research Club sometime?" Rias asked with a sweetness so calculated it almost hurt. "We have delicious cookies and a very comfortable couch where you could settle in and have a nice quiet conversation."

Akeno let out a delighted little laugh behind the folder.

Her eyes shimmered like a cat about to play with a very careless mouse.

Ren registered several things at once.

His right wrist was vibrating with renewed **** while an invisible finger ran down his entire spine, and Tsubaki let out a small smothered sound of surprise next to him.

Trap with a fancy tablecloth, he thought at high speed. Chocolate chip cookies and two absurdly attractive women behind the tea service.

This redhead can smell what I'm carrying inside my hand and wants to collect me like an exotic bug, and the braided one is throwing herself in as bait with all guns showing to make sure I bite.

"I'm flattered by the invitation, senpai," he said out loud with a crooked smile, "but I'm more of a coffee guy than a tea guy. And honestly, occult stuff gives me hives on my back."

"What a shame," Rias replied without losing a gram of that smile. "The invitation stays open, dear."

Akeno leaned forward just enough that her uniform collar hinted at way more than it showed, and Ren's mouth went dry on the spot.

He had to call on every ounce of self control he'd built up in his seventeen years on this earth to keep his eyes from dropping to the visible cannons.

The blood was concentrating in some very inconvenient places given the present company, and he thanked the heavens for the length of the uniform jacket.

"Pleasure to officially meet you, Kurogane kun," Akeno purred before straightening back up. "Ufufu, what a pity you've got so little interest in the occult."

If this woman keeps purring, I'm gonna need an ice cold shower and a confessor, Ren thought with desperation tucked neatly under a mask of calm.

The universe, for once, decided to show some mercy.

A new presence joined the hallway, and the sensation this time was a whip of ice running down his entire arm.

"Tsubaki."

The voice was flat and controlled, loaded with the precise amount of institutional irritation needed to ruin the day of any student with two brain cells to rub together.

Sona Sitri had arrived.

She walked down the hallway with the calm of someone who knew the world rearranged itself around her without needing to be asked. Her glasses gleamed under the fluorescent lights, and the file folder pressed against her chest looked like a medieval shield against the general incompetence of the student body.

"President," Tsubaki greeted, finally releasing Ren's collar to bow her head.

"Good afternoon, Sona," Rias added, turning just enough that her skirt moved in a way that was frankly unfair toward where Ren had his eyes nailed.

No, no, don't look, Ren ordered himself with the last shred of self control he had left. One more glance and the redhead burns you alive with her best smile.

"Rias," Sona greeted with a minimal nod before fixing her eyes on Ren with the energy of a jailer counting down the days her favorite inmate had left. "Kurogane Ren. You're a full afternoon late on submitting that report."

"Senpai, if you're gonna list all my sins we should hire a professional confessor," Ren cut in with a smile that was supposed to be charming. "I'll bring the wine, you bring the list."

Sona stayed perfectly still.

Without blinking, with the absolute stillness of someone internally deciding how cruelly to respond.

"Akeno," Rias said in a low, amused voice, "write that one down. I want to remember it later."

"Already memorized, buchou."

Sona ignored the two girls' comments completely.

She took a step forward and planted herself in front of Ren with an authority that seemed to weigh twenty pounds.

"As of today, you are enrolled as a provisional member of the disciplinary committee," she announced with the coldness of a judge reading a verdict. "You will attend the daily council meetings until further notice."

She paused, leaving the hallway colder than an industrial freezer.

"And if I hear that you've been bothering Issei Hyoudou again, or any other student in this academy, the consequences will be considerably worse than signing papers."

Ren felt like he'd just been hit with an emotional brick.

He stood there with his mouth open for exactly half a second before closing it and forcing a smile.

"Senpai, that's **** labor. I'm pretty sure that's illegal somewhere."

"Call me Kaichou."

"Kaichou sama," Ren corrected with an exaggerated bow and a syrupy tone, "I'm extremely flattered by the promotion, but I think you're misreading my academic performance."

"We'll see about that. The first meeting is today, after classes, in the council room."

This woman is Satan with glasses and a school uniform, Ren thought, his face frozen into something that resembled a smile. Just kill me now and let's leave it there.

Rias covered her mouth with one hand to hide a smile that was clearly enjoying the show way too much.

"Sona, dear, don't be so hard on the poor boy. Why don't you lend him to me for a bit? I can train him in a more... gentle way."

"That's exactly what worries me, Rias," Sona answered without turning around. "Your definition of 'gentle' tends to involve too much tea and too many new recruits who end up in the infirmary from an overdose of unsolicited affection."

Ren allowed himself a moment of genuine self pity.

He was being fought over like property by two absurdly powerful women, and neither of them had any real interest in his wellbeing beyond collecting him like some carnival oddity.

This is the closest I've ever come to being wanted in my entire life, he thought with bitter humor. And it turns out what they want is to take me apart piece by piece to see what's inside.

"Well, what a pity," Rias commented with a theatrical sigh. "The tea offer still stands, Kurogane kun, and my door is open whenever you change your mind."

"When I learn how to drink tea without spitting it out, senpai, you're the first person I'm gonna visit."

Akeno let out a real laugh, short and musical.

She winked at Ren before following Rias down the hallway, and the poor guy had to swallow twice to make sure nothing showed.

The two girls walked away with a synchronicity that was almost a choreography, and Ren allowed himself exactly two seconds to enjoy the retreat before returning to immediate reality.

The redhead's skirt should be illegal during school hours, he thought with the dignity of a religious martyr. And the other one's braid is even worse, the way it bounces right where it really shouldn't bounce.

The immediate reality was Sona Sitri looking at him with a very unfriendly face.

"Let's go," the president ordered, turning around without waiting for a response. "Tsubaki, make sure he walks in with me and don't lose sight of him."

"Yes, president."

Tsubaki grabbed his uniform collar again with the firmness of someone who was already tired of being his babysitter.

Ren let himself be dragged along with a sigh that was supposed to be dramatic and only came out tired.

"Senpai, serious question," he muttered while Sona walked a few steps ahead. "Am I really on the disciplinary committee now?"

"Really, yes."

"And that means I have to come to this building every afternoon?"

"Every afternoon. No exceptions."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Ren stayed quiet for the rest of the walk to the council room.

His schedule, perfectly designed to minimize academic effort, had just been pulverized by a tiny woman in glasses who carried more administrative grudges than any normal person could store across two entire lifetimes.

At least I'll get to look at Tsubaki senpai every day during the meetings, he thought, trying to find a silver lining. Not counting Kaichou herself, and Momo Hanakai, the short pink haired girl with hips that deserve a dedicated poem and a blouse that hugs all the right places.

They reached the council room and Tsubaki finally let go of his uniform collar with all the delicacy of a longshoreman unloading a sack of cement.

Ren straightened his tie with wounded dignity.

"Inside," Sona ordered, holding the door open with one hand. "And Kurogane."

"Mm?"

"If I catch that pervert look on your face in front of Rias Gremory one more time, I swear I'll make you fill out double the reports until the semester ends."

Ren blinked with fake innocence, bringing a hand to his chest with the best offended face he had in storage.

"Kaichou, what an injustice. I'm a respectable gentleman."

"You're a parasite with luck. Inside."

"Yes, ma'am."

Ren walked into the council room dragging his feet like a condemned man heading toward the gallows.

The door closed behind him with a dry thud that sounded a whole lot like welcome to administrative hell, dear.

Sona Sitri hates me, Rias Gremory wants to collect me like a display piece, my own hand sells me out to any monster that walks by, and on top of that I have to fill out a stack of reports before dinner, Ren thought, dropping heavily into the chair Tsubaki pointed to with her finger. If this is my normal life from now on, somebody upstairs owes me one hell of an apology.

His right wrist gave one last soft pulse, almost mocking him, before settling down completely.

Ren closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

It was going to be a very, very long afternoon.

Back in the same courtyard, dragged over to a nearby bench with his hands still trembling, Issei Hyoudou snapped his head up.

He heard the doubled, reptilian voice roaring inside him like it had just woken up from a nap that had been very rudely interrupted.

"Partner... that kid is gonna be a huge problem for both of us. Remember his face well, because the next time we see him, it's not gonna be a friendly meeting for you."

Issei swallowed hard, staring at the palm of his right hand, still limp and barely starting to get the feeling back.

For the first time in his life, he felt a genuine chill run down his spine.

"Who the hell is that guy?" he muttered into the empty air.

Nobody answered him.