Chapter 181

“Why am I crying?” Iolite asked.

At some point we’d both sunk back down to the ground. I sat with my back against the wall while she rested in my lap, curled against me with my arms still wrapped around her.

She’d been crying for several minutes now, her face buried in my chest so completely that most of her words had dissolved into muffled little sounds and shaky breaths.

So I simply held her and stroked her hair.

“Release,” I said softly. “Sometimes people cry after they’ve been scared or worried for a long time and then suddenly they’re safe.” I brushed my fingers gently through her hair again. “It’s like everything they’ve been holding inside finally comes out once the danger passes.”

My chest tightened painfully.

There was another question pressing at the back of my mind. One I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to ruin this moment. But the worry wouldn’t let go until I knew.

“I think the better question,” I admitted quietly, “is how you’re crying.”

She shrugged slightly against me. “Water is leaking from my eyes and I can’t stop it.” She took a shaky breath. “I wanted to be pretty for you.” Her voice softened. “I wanted to be… loved by you.”

I gently tilted her chin upward so I could look her in the eyes.

“You’ve always been pretty, Iolite.” I smiled faintly. “We’re different, and that’s alright.”

Then the knot in my chest tightened again. “I don’t want you changing because of me.” I swallowed hard. “I have this habit of…” I struggled for the words. “Changing people.”

I looked away, shame twisting in my stomach. “My Faith does it. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to.” My voice lowered. “I want people to be who they are - not shaped into whatever I think they should become.”

I exhaled shakily. “I’m worried that I’m hurting people.” My eyes dropped to the floor. “Hurting you.”

“No.” The word came immediately and with startling firmness.

I looked back at her.

“This is what I want,” she said. “We were created to serve the Mother of Deep Roots. She is gone.” Her gaze remained steady on mine. “I chose to serve the Shaper. To serve you.”

Her voice softened slightly. “Others chose the Cracked Mother. Some chose no master at all.” She placed one hand gently against my chest. “But I chose this.”

The rose threading through her smoky gray Faith pulsed softly.

“I knew the Mother of Deep Roots was dying,” she whispered. “Even before she fell, I already knew I would choose you.”

She inhaled slowly. When she exhaled, her breath carried the scent of clean rain and damp stone. “I served many masters in the above stone.” Her brow furrowed faintly. “None of them cared for me.”

Her fingers curled slightly in the fabric of my shirt. “I was a tool. I was expected to work. Fight. Kill.” She shook her head faintly. “No one thanked me. No one praised me. I didn’t even know I wanted those things because I was never there willingly.”

Then her eyes lifted to mine again. “But I am here willingly.” The words landed harder than she probably realized. “You thank me. You protect me. You care for my continued physical integrity.” Her voice trembled slightly. “You treat me like you treat the others. And-”

She swallowed hard. “I love you for it.”

I pulled her against me again and she immediately rested her head on my shoulder.

But the doubt inside me didn’t disappear. Some of this had been her choice. I knew that. But how much of it was truly hers? And how much was my Faith changing her into something she’d never been meant to become?

How much of this love had been kindled artificially by the bond between us? How much of it only had me as an outlet?

But Iolite believed she had agency. She believed these feelings were real. That this choice belonged to her. Did I have the right to take that away from her simply because I was afraid?

I wasn’t a philosopher.

Once upon a time I’d believed in free will. Then life had beaten most of that certainty out of me. Dead-end jobs. A failing marriage. Years spent trapped in situations that felt predetermined no matter how hard I struggled.

But Annwn had changed that too. Here, choices mattered. I could choose to protect or abandon. To sacrifice or preserve. To move forward or give up.

Maybe that wasn’t free will. Maybe it was simply power.

In the end, none of that mattered right now.

Iolite sat in my arms baring her soul to me, utterly convinced her love was real. And I couldn’t reject that. I wouldn’t reject that.

If she gave me her heart freely, then I would accept it and protect it with everything I had. And if my Faith had pushed her down this road? Then that only made her safety even more my responsibility.

“I love you too,” I told her quietly.

Another uncomfortable thought immediately surfaced.

“Are you…” I hesitated. “Stuck like this?”

She shook her head. “No.” Her cheeks colored faintly again. “I wanted to be pretty for you.” She looked up at me carefully. “I hoped this form would be pleasing.”

Then, after a tiny pause, “It is also for intercourse.” She blushed harder.

I sputtered so badly my brain briefly stopped functioning.

“Sexual relations would likely be uncomfortable with a stone body,” she explained earnestly.

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Tried rebooting my brain entirely.

“What…” I coughed once. “What is this body made of?”

“Mostly clay,” she answered.

That somehow raised more questions. “How are you blushing?”

“It appears to be an automatic response,” she explained seriously. “Iron-rich clay is being forced toward the surface without conscious input.”

I stared at her for several long seconds while my brain struggled desperately to catch up with reality.

Then another horrifying question surfaced. One capable of striking directly at the heart of my masculinity. “What about…” I swallowed hard. “Touch?”

She tilted her head slightly.

“Will you find…” I gestured vaguely. “Intercourse pleasurable?”

Without answering immediately, she shifted in my lap until she straddled me fully. Her face hovered only inches from mine now. Her honey-brown eyes held mine with startling intensity.

“There is only one way to find out.”

* * *

Iolite kissed me.

Tentatively at first. Her lips brushed mine softly while her tongue tasted my upper lip with careful curiosity, like she was trying to understand the act through touch alone.

I kissed her back and cupped her face gently, guiding rather than controlling - encouraging her to explore and learn at her own pace.

Her kisses started soft and delicate, but the uncertainty in them slowly began to melt away. Timidity gave ground to growing passion as her hands wandered over me with reverent fascination. She traced my jaw, threaded her fingers through my hair, explored my shoulders and neck like she was trying to memorize every curve, every muscle, every bone beneath my skin.

I gently bit her lower lip.

Her eyes widened instantly, lighting with startled delight.

Then she copied me.

She caught my lip between hers, sucking lightly before pressing her tongue into my mouth with sudden confidence. A soft moan escaped her when my hands slid down her shoulders and along her back. When they settled against the thick curve of her ass, she let out a startled little squeal that nearly made me laugh into the kiss.

She pulled back just far enough to stare into my eyes.

We were both breathing heavily already.

The pause lasted maybe a heartbeat before she surged back into the kiss with far less restraint than before, her hands roaming greedily across my chest and shoulders now.

For my part, my palms slid over the rough homemade fabric of her dress, tracing the softness of her stomach and the thick strength of her thighs beneath it.

Then suddenly she broke the kiss entirely and sat upright.

In one quick motion she pulled the dress over her head and tossed it aside.

The moonlight washed over her body in pale green.

Her breasts were modest but soft and beautifully shaped, her nipples already thick and firm. Freckles dusted her caramel-colored shoulders and collarbones. She looked warm and alive and unmistakably feminine - though her skin remained slightly cool beneath my fingertips, like stone that had spent all day beneath the sun and only recently surrendered its heat to evening air.

I cupped her breasts as she kissed me again, and she immediately began tugging impatiently at my shirt. She moaned softly when I leaned forward to help, her fingers dragging the fabric upward until we finally broke apart just long enough to yank it over my head.

Her hands explored my bare chest immediately afterward. She pressed me gently back against the wall while her fingertips wandered across my pecs, my abs, my collarbones. She ran her fingers through the hair on my chest with fascinated wonder, smiling faintly at the sensation against her skin.

I broke the kiss long enough to look deeply into her eyes. “Are you sure?” I whispered.

She answered by pulling my mouth back to hers. Then she leaned backward into the grass, bringing me down with her.

She lay beneath me illuminated by pale green moonlight, every curve of her body outlined in pale green and shadow. For a moment I simply looked at her - her beauty, her softness, the smoky gray of her Faith, and the blooming rose threaded through it, stronger than I’d ever seen before.

Then I kissed her again and lowered myself over her.

She fumbled clumsily with the button of my pants until it finally popped free.

Meanwhile I kissed slowly down her neck and shoulders, taking my time with each inch of her skin like I could communicate affection through touch alone.

When I reached one of her breasts, I drew her nipple gently into my mouth and sucked lightly.

She moaned loudly. Her hips jerked upward instinctively, searching for friction she didn’t yet understand.

I circled my tongue around her nipple and areola slowly while one hand kneaded her other breast, rolling the stiff peak gently between my fingers.

Her arms wrapped tightly around my head and pulled me closer, pressing my face firmly against her chest while her hips rocked desperately against mine.

Then suddenly her entire body tightened.

A startled little cry escaped her as her legs locked around my waist. Her hips bucked erratically several times before all the tension rushed out of her at once.

After several long moments she finally relaxed back into the grass beneath me, breathing in ragged, stunned little gasps.

“That was…” She blinked slowly. “I…” Her lips parted faintly. “Wow.”

I grinned despite myself.

“I understand now why you engage in intercourse so frequently,” she breathed.

I laughed softly. “That wasn’t intercourse.”

Her relaxed expression sharpened instantly. “I don’t understand.”

“What we just did is called foreplay,” I explained. “It’s meant to help both people get comfortable and ready before sex.”

I could practically see her mind working through the information. Her brow furrowed thoughtfully. “Is intercourse…” She hesitated carefully. “Better?”

“Depending on how it’s done, it can be.” I smiled faintly. “I like to think it is.” I leaned down and kissed her again gently.

She looked at me with complete seriousness. “Then I want to try that.” A flicker of uncertainty crossed her face almost immediately afterward. “I think,” she added quietly.

“We don’t have to do anything else tonight,” I told her softly. “We have a lifetime ahead of us.”

She nodded slowly.

Then I settled down beside her in the grass and wrapped her against my chest. I kissed the top of her head gently.

“Thank you,” she murmured before making that soft purring sound she sometimes made - like smooth pebbles rubbing together beneath water.

I smiled and kissed her again.

“No,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

* * *

I woke to movement behind me.

Pulsing red Faith threaded with strands of green pressed warmly against my back, while sparks of red and yellow danced in front of me like a swarm of summer fireflies even before I opened my eyes.

Clo crouched inches from my face, watching me with intense fascination. The moment my eyes met hers, her mouth split into a wide, utterly unhinged grin.

“Who’s the cutie?” she chirped brightly, her cheerful tone completely at odds with the heavy storm clouds overhead that smothered the predawn light.

Behind me, Moss wrapped one massive arm around my middle and snuggled closer like an affectionate bear.

Iolite stirred in my arms.

We’d fallen asleep outside in the grass sometime during the night. Frost silvered the blades around us, while a thin layer of dew clung to both our skin.

She shifted closer against me instinctively, still half asleep. Then her eyes snapped opened.

The moment they met mine, realization hit her. Her entire body went rigid and a furious blush spread across her cheeks as memories of the previous night came crashing back.

I smiled softly. “Good morning,” I said, intentionally ignoring Clo and Moss for the moment.

Moss leaned her head over my shoulder, her far-too-wide grin settling eagerly onto Iolite.

The elemental glanced over and found Clo’s wild eyes and predatory smile staring back at her. Then she looked at me again.

“Good morning,” she replied, meeting my smile.

She sat upright completely unconcerned by her nudity and calmly scanned the bailey until she located her discarded dress. She stood, dew glistening faintly across her skin in the dim light, and pulled it back on with careful efficiency.

“Good morning, Clo. Moss.” She adjusted one sleeve absently. “Are the others already here?”

I sat up beside her and tugged my shirt back on.

Clo’s expression had gone strangely blank. Her eyes darted from Iolite to me and back again several times like her brain had stopped functioning entirely.

“They’re inside,” Moss rumbled lazily while stretching her arms over her head.

“I’m going to take a bath and get changed,” I told Iolite as I stood. “Would you like to join me?”

Her blush returned instantly. She nodded shyly.

I took her hand and started toward the bathhouse with her beside me.

At that moment, Thae stepped out from the keep and headed toward the others. “Good morning,” she said, inclining her head toward me. Then toward Iolite. “Iolite.”

“Good morning, Thae,” Iolite replied in her usual measured tone, though this morning there was something subtly different about it. Something lighter. Almost giddy beneath the restraint.

I leaned over and kissed Thae lightly on the cheek before continuing on.

Several seconds later, Clo’s voice exploded across the bailey behind us. “WAIT, THAT WAS IOLITE?!”