Chapter 10 - Saying No (Avery's POV)

"YOWTCH!"

Not for the first time since starting what was turning out to be a ridiculous adventure, Avery was forced to admit that frying bacon in the nude was probably a bad idea. She wiped the spot of hot fat from her breast and turned her attention to the eggs. In truth, it wasn't a great breakfast, but it was the first time she'd done the cooking herself instead of helping Neil. And after what he'd done for her last night, he deserved it.

That was why she was naked too. Neil hadn't just pleasured her and given her the first orgasm she'd had in over a year, he'd shown her that a part of her she valued was not lost to the accident as she'd feared. And he'd done it expecting and getting nothing in return. There weren't many people who would do that, she was sure. Whatever mistakes he'd made in the past could stay there. What he'd done put him in a league above any other guy she'd dated. She was determined to pay him back.

She'd feel too guilty not to.

That was the secret she kept trying to block. She had no right to what had happened. From the guys she'd been with before she was lucky if she hadn't had to finish herself off after they'd rolled over and gone to sleep. Now Neil had come along and... No, she was going to make sure he knew just how much she appreciated him.

Besides, she did find him attractive. He wasn't necessarily the hottest guy she'd ever been with, but he was good looking in a kind of nerdy way and kept himself in shape. It also struck her that now she was in a wheelchair, it was unlikely the kind of guys she'd gone for before would even look at her.

She cursed as she broke one of the eggs, flipping it over. This wasn't going to be the breakfast she wanted to serve him. It was basic, and not even cooked that well given her difficulty controlling things from the low vantage of her chair. But it was done, so hopefully he'd at least see she meant well. She took the skillet with the bacon over to the table and dropped a few slices on both their plates, then followed up with the eggs. Next came the toast, and finally two cups of coffee. That proved to be more difficult than she expected too - the table the coffee maker was on was taller than she'd realized and once again she got splashed with hot liquid.

Fighting past the pain, she carried the cups to the table and went to wipe up the spill.

"Avery?"

She froze. He was here. She'd tried to get up early and do this quietly enough to avoid disturbing him, but he'd woken up already.

"Morning, Neil," she said. "I made breakfast."

Her face burned with embarrassment as he stared at her.

"I... I see that?" he said.

The question in his voice couldn't be more clear if he'd spelled it out.

"Thank you, but... why? I'm your aide, you pay me to do this stuff."

"I know, but I wanted to thank you for..."

He still wasn't getting it. Oh god, she thought, please don't be dense and make me spell it out.

"For?"

"You know!"

His frown of bewilderment deepened. "For what?" he said. "I haven't done anything special."

"Oh for God's sake, Neil! Don't be such a fucking saint. Not right now!"

Avery paused. It didn't make sense for her to be angry at him, but between her own embarrassment and the frustration over the burns she'd got making breakfast she felt like she was on a tightrope. Her world could tip any moment. Neil's obliviousness only made it worse. She closed her eyes for a moment and counted to five. Getting pissed off at the guy she was thankful for in the first place was hardly going to make this any easier.

"I mean last night," she said quietly.

"Oh, that." said Neil. "Yeah... that was amazing. Thank you."

He was grinning. That was the first thing Avery noticed. And thanking her like it was her who'd done something wonderful for him. She stared at him for a moment. Why was he acting like he didn't understand?

"Neil, you went down on me, remember?"

"Of course. It's not like I was gonna forget it. Why are you upset?"

"Why are you so dense? Why are you acting like you're grateful to me?"

"I am."

"No! Neil, you showed me I still get to enjoy sex. You fucking went down on me! It was you who did everything and then I fell asleep! You got nothing out of it!"

"Yes, I did," he insisted. "I got to taste you, to pleasure you, to give you an orgasm. That's a lot, Avery."

"No, Neil, it's not. I'm not a virgin you know. I've been with some other guys before. Two of them never would go down and the other expected anal in return. Come on, you're not a fucking angel. And I don't mind paying you back. I owe you."

His head cocked as a deep frown lined his face. "No, Avery. You don't. Look, it sounds like you've had some nasty boyfriends before, some real selfish assholes. If they didn't enjoy bringing you pleasure then that says a lot about them. You don't owe me anything."

"But you didn't even get to cum yourself!"

Neil drew a deep breath and sank onto one of the kitchen chairs. His pause seemed unending as Avery fought down the anxiety rising from her gut. Had it all been a game? Or was it just that now he saw the reality of her being disabled he didn't want to be with her? She'd never been rejected before. Was this what it felt like? She hated it.

"Neil...?"

He turned to look at her, his face red. "Look, you can kick me out if you want but I'm gonna be honest, Avery. I DID cum last night. In my room afterwards. Sorry, I know you didn't give me permission for that, so I know I violated a boundar--"

"NEIL! What the fuck is wrong with you? I can hardly have a problem with you masturbating after you gave me head? I'm not a bitch you know!"

"I never said you were! I just don't want to fuck up like I did with the deep fake shit."

Avery dropped the plates on the table and shook her head. "This is hardly the same thing, you idiot! We had sex, or at least I did, but I didn't do anything for you. I was so damn selfish last night."

Neil paused, staring at her. "Is... is that what all this is about? You're naked and making breakfast because you think you did something wrong?"

"Kinda. I just don't want you to think I take you for granted. And it's not like I think you're ugly or anything." Avery pulled her chair up to the table and tried to compose herself. "Look, let's eat and afterwards, if you want, I'll go down on you like you did on me."

"No."

"What? Why? You don't really like me anymore do you? God I feel like a fucking idiot."

Neil grabbed her by the shoulders, his fingers digging in almost painfully. "Are you shitting me right now? Of course I like you. Avery right now I want to throw you down on my bed and fuck you til we both collapse."

She grinned. "That... might be fun..."

"Not with your injury, but more importantly, I don't want this when it's because of guilt."

He loosened his grip and sat back on his chair.

"Look, there's no need to feel guilty, ok? And if you still want me when you know that, then believe me, I want nothing more than being with you in every way we can. But not 'til th--"

She slapped him. She couldn't help herself. It felt like he was trying to punish her by being the ultimate nice guy all the time when she wanted him to just be a guy instead. Her stomach burned with a tumult of emotion.

"Neil! Just STOP, ok? You don't have to act like you're so damn perfect all the time. You keep worrying about that deep fake but you made up for that months ago. I barely even think about it now. And as to crossing boundaries, maybe saying no when you want me and I am damn near throwing myself at you is the worst boundary of all..." She paused, cringing as she realized what she'd done. It hadn't been a hard strike, but did that matter? "I'm, er, I'm sorry I hit you."

He chuckled, it was a sound of humor that she'd come to love over the time he'd lived with her, but not right now.

"It's ok," he said. "If you'd meant it I'd have felt it a lot more than that. Okay, why don't we eat the breakfast you made and then maybe we can talk about--"

The doorbell rang.

"NOT NOW!" screamed Avery.

It rang again. Avery glared towards the front door like it had personally sabotaged her morning.

"Who the hell would be calling at this hour?"

It was barely 8am. Neil had to admit she had a point. It was rare for her to get visitors at all, let alone so early. But as the doorbell rang a third time one thing was clear.

"They're not going away are they?" said Avery. "Okay, I'm gonna get dressed real quick. Can you greet them for me?"

"Sure."

Avery wheeled out of the room as fast as she could and headed for her bedroom. Neil waited until she got the door closed before checking on the visitor. Avery glanced at her wardrobe. She had no time to dress properly unless Neil could get rid of whoever it was. Instead she grabbed some shorts and a tee shirt she'd left on top of her chair. If someone was coming this early they could just take her at her scruffiest.

"Hi, can I help you?" Neil said, opening the door.

Avery couldn't hear what was said after that. Just that the visitor was a woman. She rolled her eyes. Surely this couldn't be Julie come back to try something with him. Hadn't being kicked off the team been enough for her? She threw the door open as soon as she was dressed and prepared to chew Julie out. Except it wasn't her. It was a stranger, but one that Avery vaguely recognized. She fought for the memory. She'd seen her on video once, and as that fact slotted into place so did the identity.

"Aren't you the Arizona coach. I'm sorry, your name wasn't shown on the video I saw."

The Arizona University Wheelchair Basketball Coach smiled at her. "No, it wouldn't be. It's hard enough for wheelchair athletes to be seen yet, let alone the coaches." She extended a hand to shake Avery's. "Elena Ramirez. And you are Avery Morgan, the Hero of Hell's Hall."

Avery felt herself cringing back into the wheelchair at the title. "Not anymore, coach. Sorry. So what brings you here? I don't even play anymore."

"Actually Frank suggested I come to see you and after that game last night I had to. I'm sorry it's so early, but my plane leaves in three hours so I didn't have much choice."

"Frank sent you here? Oh is this about Lisa? I know you were checking how good she was at the game."

"Lisa?'" the Coach's head cocked as she struggled to recall the name. "Oh the young woman who scored the rebound early on? No. I mean she's not bad and maybe we can find a place for her but I came about you."

"Should we take this inside?" asked Neil.

He nodded briefly towards a neighbor's house where she saw someone's head at the window.

"I'm sorry," she said, turning to lead the way into her home. "I didn't think."

She was surprised how comfortable she felt bringing a stranger into a place she'd been ashamed of just a few months ago. Now she not only liked the place but felt safe there. Neil had really made a difference.

"We were just about to have breakfast," she said. "The coffee's warm if you'd like a cup."

Coach Ramirez shook her head. "It's okay, I won't stay long."

"So," said Avery, "what brings you here if not Lisa? Like I said, I don't play anymore."

"No," said the Coach. "Frank told me that before I came. But when I heard that the celebrated Avery Morgan had gone from player to coach after her accident I had to see for myself."

Avery felt hot. It seemed like the room was suddenly closing in on her. "Um that's cool but I'm nothing special."

The coach gave her an appraising look. "That's not what I saw last night. You did great."

"The team did," Avery responded immediately.

There was a pause as Coach Ramirez studied her. Avery shifted uncomfortably. She was beginning to feel like a moth skewered in a collector's book.

"You're a natural, Avery," said the coach eventually. "Not experienced, but you've got the basics down really well already. And that's rare for a top player. You have to use an entirely different kind of thinking as a coach than as a player."

"Big picture," said Avery.

"Right. When you're out there on the court you have to think second to second, be aware of what you're doing, who's around you and where the team is. It's kind of the opposite as a coach. That's why only a few elite players ever make elite coaches. Well part of it anyhow. But you made the switch real quick."

"N--"

Avery stopped herself. She wanted to argue, to deny it, but it was true. From that first time Frank had tricked her into leading a practice it had felt natural and good. More so than playing. Denying it would be a lie.

"Thanks. But I still don't get it."

"I wanted to ask if you'd be interested in coaching with us."

The air went out of the room. Avery's heart throbbed in her head. "What do you mean?" Her voice whispered.

"Not as a full coach, of course. I mean one of our coaching scholarships. I'd love to work with you on our wheelchair athletics teams. And it would give you a chance to finish your degree too. Most of your credits would transfer just fine."

"NO!" Avery just about snapped her response in a panic. "I can't do that! "

The weight of all Neil did collapsed in on her at once. He cooked. He cleaned. He massaged her legs when she hurt... and, she remembered last night with a blush, at other times too

He was there when things went wrong, which, she hated to admit, was far more often that she wanted it to be even now. She'd made a lot of progress, but she was still completely reliant on him. And the thought of moving somewhere without him was impossible.

"I'm not asking you to run the teams," said the coach. "You'd be an assistant to me - compiling stats, helping with paperwork, and offering your own thoughts on drills and plays I came up with."

"It's not that..." said Avery, trying to cover the sudden fear she felt.

"What then?" asked the coach. "If you're worried about accessibility we're rated pretty highly. The campus has ramps, automatic doors and press plates, and we would make sure you had an accessible dorm close to academic buildings. Our Disability Resource Center can provide a lot better information and assistance than I can, but I can put you in contact with the--"

"It's him!"

The both turned to look at Neil who looked suddenly shocked, but didn't interrupt.

"Forgive me for being so blunt," said Coach Ramirez. "But is he your boyfriend or your aide?"

"My aide," said Avery after a brief pause.

"Then we might be able to do something with that," said the coach. "As part of ADA compliance, we can provide disabled housing for you and a live-in aide. That wouldn't have been possible for a boyfriend of course."

"His life's here," said Avery. "He's got school and everything!"

Neil spoke up. "It's a correspondence degree. I could do it from anywhere."

"What if you need to go into the campus? What if something else comes up? I can't ask you to do that!"

"But I can offer..."

"No you can't. That's crazy! I won't let you do it."

Neil was giving her a look. Not angry or upset, just off. She could hear what he was about to say already. It was his choice not hers as to whether he was willing to go. He was right, but the idea that he could continue his masters degree, even if it was online, after moving half way across the country, was nonsense and she couldn't manage without him. Maybe she'd be able to some day, but not yet.

"I'm sorry," she said to Coach Ramirez, "but I'm afraid you wasted your time. I can't do it."

The coach stood and extended her hand. "I can see this has come as a shock. All I ask is that you think about it. There's no pressure on you, but in case you change your mind here's my card."

Avery shook her hand and reluctantly took the card before turning away into her home, her sanctuary against a world that seemed more hostile than ever. Behind her she heard Neil leading the coach out.

She stared at the business card in her hand. It was stylish but simple, holding the Coach's name, her phone number and title. The logo for the University of Arizona headed the card, blazing with a sun that seemed to be burning into her mind. There was a promise of so much that she wanted. Not just a chance to complete her degree but a real opportunity to launch her career as a wheelchair basketball coach. She couldn't ask for a better opportunity to be dropped into her lap. The problem was, it was too much. Not a year ago she'd given up on life. With Neil's help she'd dared to hope again. But that was the point.

It was with Neil's help.

Everything was.