Changes

Five minutes later you are stepping back into your condo with your soul feeling one ton lighter. You’d just done a dark thing and yet you knew you’d do it all over again ten times out of ten. Those blue bloods from Harvard could keep things hush-hush all they want but Bailey justice was going to find that young man and put an end to his predatory ways. Nobody fucked with your little girl!

“Who were you talking to?” Penny asks from the floor of the living room where she was playing with the kitten.

“Your aunt.” You answer honestly. “She wants us to come out for a visit as soon as we can. I thought we’d head out there tomorrow afternoon.”

“Aw, do we have to? I just wanted to chill.”

“I’m afraid so. She was quite insistent, and you know how she gets.” You say. “We should go see your Grandma as well. She misses you terribly.”

“She and I are going for ice cream and shopping on Monday.”

“That’s nice.” You sit down on the sofa near your daughter. “We’ll visit your mom before we head off for your aunt’s tomorrow.”

She looks at you a moment as Bonbon totters away after a rolling ball. “Daddy?”

“Yeah Peanut?”

Sliding over to you she places a hand on your thigh and looks up. “When did you last visit her?”

“El? Well…I was at the cemetery yesterday actually. I was excited about your visit and wanted to talk to somebody about it.”

“That’s what I thought.”

You lay your hand on her head and pet her soft hair. “What’s up?”

“Um…please don’t take this the wrong way but…I’d rather not visit Mum tomorrow if that’s okay.”

“Oh.” You say, surprised by the request. “Why not?”

“Daddy.” She sighs. “We’ve gone every single week since I can remember. Daddy…I didn’t…I didn’t even know her.”

“Penelope…”

“I know, I know. I know how important it is to you. I know she’s my mom and I should respect her but…” She sidles closer to your leg and lays her head down on your thigh. “You always get so sad when we go there. Daddy, it’s been twenty years since she passed on. That’s a long time. Don’t you think it’s time to let go? Just a little bit?”

“Let go?” A pang strikes your heart.

“You’re stuck in the past, Daddy. How are you ever going to move forward if you’re always looking behind you? How can a wound heal if you always pick at it? How is she supposed to rest if you’re always summoning her ghost?” Crawling up beside you she puts her arm around you and pulls you to her side. “I just don’t think it’s healthy. I didn’t know Mom but…I think she would want you to move on. I think she’d want you to be happy. I don’t think she’d like how she’s an anchor around your neck.”

You give her a look. “Have you always felt this way?”

“For a long time now, yeah.”

“And you’re only telling me now?”

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” She says. “Being away for awhile…it let me see things more clearly. For me. For you.” She bats her eyes and smiles. “For us.”

“Oh yeah? You figured it all out, have ya?”

“Uh huh.” She nods. “I’m a changed woman. I’m older and wiser now. More worldly.”

“Oooo! A whole 9 months wiser.”

She giggles. “And Harvard educated.”

“I suppose you’re going to start bragging about that 300 IQ of yours?”

“It’s not 300!”

“Oh? You up to 400 now?”

“Stop it.” She bumps her shoulder into you. “I’m just an average gal.”

You chuckle and kiss her head. “Peanut, you are anything but average. You are my one and only.”

“Mmmm!” She beams as she cuddles closer.

With a sigh you cede to her very reasonable request. “I suppose we could make those weekly visits…monthly?”

“That sounds about right.” She smooches your cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Anything for you, my girl.”