Both

The target gets off the bus. Jerry Spitz. He's a heavyset guy with a toupee and sweat stains on his glasses. He looks like he expects something, which screams that this isn't on the up-and-up, unlike every other **** of a minor public figure I've been involved in. I'll never forget the screaming in the PTA room...

This is it, Wade. No turning back. Remember, he is the bad guy. He is the one who needs to die so the sun can rise again tomorrow. Only his **** will rid the world of the evil of being okay with smut! Remember; he wants to take away your porn stash! The villain will die!

"HEY, SPITZ!!" I YELL, feeling sudden deja vu. He turns, concerned. "HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THIS!"

I turn back to the doctor, who looks confused. I draw my MP5s, point them at him and, after a brief 'rasslin' match with the brainwashing, I make 'em go boom. Tee-hee, he got all jiggly! I bet my bottom dollar people were screaming, but I didn't hear 'em. All I heard was the sweet sound of justice finally giving ol' Wade a turn and, if I'm being totally honest, I may have came a little. Seriously, if you ever find yourself with an opportunity to kill the guy who tortured and scarred you so you'd pop some anti-smut activist for him, I highly recommend it!

To his credit and my glee, when the rat-a-tat-tat became click-click, doc-boy was still alive, more or less. He was full of holes but not blood. That had transferred duty to his clothes and the bench. And the ground, and the poodle being walked behind him when I opened fire.

"wil...wilson..."

"EE-yeeeeEEEZZ?"

"traitor..."

"EEHH!! Wrong, muttley! I ain't your lapdog. Never was. When your life is flashing before your eyes and you get to the part where I swore allegiance and stuff, I want you to remember it was a lie. I tricked you just for this moment." I grinned at him, drew one of the swords and swung it at his neck. It didn't even slow down.

"April Fool's, loser."

I found me a nice quiet bus to hijack and use to escape. A few miles and an entire season of Star Trek on weed's worth of laughs later, I found out the bus was quiet but not empty.

"uh-um, s-sir?"

"HEAVENS TO MERGATROID!!! Hey, folks, its Jerry Spitz! What brings you to me bus o' delights?"

"I hid in here after the, uh, th-the shooting."

"What shooting? OH, RIGHT, that shooting!"

"What did you mean when you told me I'd better appreciate it?"

"Well, Jer'...can I call you Jer'?"

"Is that other gun loaded?"

"Like Ted Kennedy on New Year's."

"Jer' is fine."

"Super! Well, Jer', I'm kind of a hitman or a mercenary. Yeah, mercenary sounds cool. Anyway, I'm a merc, and someone told me it was a real good idea to pop you so's you would ease up on all that 'no more porn' stuff. That ex-breather back there was the guy who ordered it. It wasn't for your sake, mind you. He was just a big douchebag. Huge, HUGE douchebag, one passed between Liza Minelli and Rosie o'Donnell."

"Thank you all the same. You've given me a new lease on life, my friend."

"'kay. Does that mean you'll lighten up on spank mags?"

"No. Just the opposite, in fact! I swear, I shall devote my life to not only getting such filthy publications shut down, but to bringing their employees to justice! They will all pay for subjugating women! And its all thanks to you."

"Yeah, anytime. Say, could you check in the back of the bus for me real quick? I think I left my hit list back there somewhere." He nodded, patted me on the shoulder and went to the back. I, meanwhile, tore the door control handle out, opened a window and took a left onto 33rd.

"I don't see it," he called over his shoulder.

"Just keep looking for it, you'll find it," I said. The river was coming up fast. I wedged the door handle thingy between the seat and the gas so the pedal stayed to the metal and jumped out the window. My zoot suit got torn up from the rolling and I lost a bit of arm and back flesh, but other than that, I was cool. No sweat. I strolled away among the gawks of a lot of people. I hated to waste the little punk, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY messes with my porn! Well, okay, I didn't exactly hate it, but...

Yeah, I didn't hate it. I wonder if Jerry realized what was happening before he started sinking or if the sudden coldness of the water tipped him off.